# What personality flaws do you have that are offputting to others? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2009, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820 "2009-03-26T01:22:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/41 "2009-03-26T15:38:17Z")
I’m not terribly sympathetic. I often just want to tell people to suck it up. wah wah wah. I look down on people who ask for public assistance. Be an adult - support yourself. You had 3 kids with 3 fathers - keep your legs shut. You lost your house because you overbought and didn’t read the fine print - go live in your parents’ basement. Why should I have to pay to house and feed you? The more years I work a job I dislike so I can pay my mortgage and feed my animals, the less sympathy I have for people who don’t do the same. I’m not a cheerful person. I don’t have a rah rah cheerleader personailty. I never have. And I feel those who do are trying to manipulate me. I do my job, just leave me alone. StG ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/42 "2009-03-26T16:20:12Z")
> [@horsetech](#): > > I have high standards for myself and others, and I think I can come across poorly at times if I feel that something needs to be corrected/done differently. This is especially true when it comes to animal husbandry or work related things. Some things I’ve learned to let go, other things I do myself, and I try to be as diplomatic as possible if there’s something that needs to be changed. > > I’m sure I come across as a teacher’s pet type to some – I answer questions a lot, and I often go up to talk to the professor after class if it’s someone I like. > > I think I ask too many questions sometimes. In particular, if I want to know why a vet does something in x way, when there are several accepted methods of doing something, I have trouble phrasing it so that it doesn’t sound like I’m challenging them or impugning their judgment. It’s something that I’m conscious of and that I’ve improved on, but I still worry that I come across as insulting from time to time. > > I guess that, overall, I can be lacking in tact at times. I’m a bit of an awkward communicator – I used to be a very quiet, reserved person, and as I’ve developed and become more confident I’ve gone a little far in the other direction towards saying too much. It’s a constant learning process to refine what I say and how I say it. I’ll bet you’re really good at interview questions where they ask you to to talk about any bad traits but you’re really supposed to say something that you describe like a negative but it’s really a positive. i.e. “Sometimes I lose track of time and get so engrossed in a project that I’ll work on it for hours on end.” ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/43 "2009-03-26T16:22:32Z")
I suck at expressing sympathy for those in pain. When folks at the office have lost a loved one or are in the midst of a debilitating injury/illness/surgery, I tend to dodge them. I think this comes from an experience I had when I was about 18 and a middle-aged woman at a new office I worked at tried to sob endlessly on my shoulder about her mother’s recent death. It freaked me right the hell out and I’ve had an issue with this situation ever since. I don’t know how to make small talk. To keep up a semblance of normalcy, I have to read a script in my head: “Now ask them about their kids. Now ask them about their weekend. Now ask them about their vacation plans.” I’m quiet and uninterested in office politics and tend to keep to myself. As mentioned upthread, I’m sure this gets me labeled as a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/44 "2009-03-26T16:30:16Z")
My flaw? I’m loud. I hate it that I am. For as long as I can remember I’ve been told how my voice ‘carries’ across a room. It help me when I umpire, but in my office at my ‘real’ job it’s a royal pain in the rear. I can’t whisper on the phone without everyone knowing what I’ve said. I also work with a loud person who drives me nuts with how loud he is. My only hope is that I’m not that loud. I probably am though so I try to not talk too much at work because of it. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/45 "2009-03-26T16:31:54Z")
As others have mentioned, I tend to repeat myself to emphasize a point. It drives me crazy so I can’t imagine how others feel about it! I’m self-deprecating when it comes to my cooking. I bring cookies, cakes, brownies, etc. in to work about once a month, and everyone loves them, but I always find some flaw and say something about “They’re ok but I could do better next time.” I really really hate clingy people so my biggest fear is appearing clingy. So I tend not to follow up on budding friendships because I’m afraid the other person will think I’m too eager if I invite them to get together too quickly after we’ve done something together. But I think that leads me to ignore people for too long instead. Strangely, I don’t do that in romantic relationships, only with friendships. I had lunch with someone yesterday - lots of fun - but today I’ll probably not talk to her at all for this very reason. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/46 "2009-03-26T17:24:10Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Flaws!? Ha!.. I have no flaws. Good username/post combo :). For me, it’s definitely lateness. It’s not like I deliberately try to be late, it’s just that I try to be absolutely to-the-minute on time, but my lack of organisation means I end up jogging the last quarter-mile and being late anyway. I’m sure I have many, many, others, but this is undoubtedly the most commonly occurring one. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/47 "2009-03-26T17:34:04Z")
I can’t talk sports (I never had the interest). So the latest NCAA battle is just over my head. Worse, I don’t care about football. Which make me a pariah, in football season. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/48 "2009-03-26T17:37:27Z")
I don’t think I’m unfriendly. I truly do like most of the people in my small group of co-workers. And I’m not particularly introverted. It’s just that I sincerely _don’t care_ what your kid did at school yesterday, or where you’re going for lunch, or what color you’re planning to paint your dining room. Similarly, I can’t imagine that anybody would be the least bit interested in any of the dull minutiae of my life… So I usually just don’t participate in these office small-talk conversations. I think this makes people think I’m stuck up, which I don’t _think_ is the case; or that I don’t like them, which is definitely not the case. ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/49 "2009-03-26T17:42:14Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > The older I get, I notice I repeat myself a lot. If I’m telling a story, I seem to repeat for emphasis. If we’re talking about new restaurants, I might tell you about a new cafe I went to, it’s on Crosby Street, about a block past the post office. On Crosby. Not too far from the post office. > > When I realize I’m doing it, I’m 😕😕😕 at myself. It drives me crazy … and the worst part is that I must be doing it plenty of times when I _don’t_ notice it so it must be extremely annoying to others. Haven’t you told us this before? 😛 Enright, I have not had that question in an interview (even my most formal job interview wasn’t terribly formal) yet, but I’ll keep it in mind for vet school interviews. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/50 "2009-03-26T18:26:05Z")
Passive-aggressive, easily bored, easily intimidated, defensive, self-centered, uninterested in other people, unable to sense others’ feelings and needs, tendency to speak out only when it is least appropriate, tense, awkward, self-dramatizing, lazy, unremittingly cynical, and beset by a grating lack of self-confidence. Oh, and self-critical, did I mention that? ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/51 "2009-03-26T19:58:01Z")
I’m very bad at giving people compliments, for some reason. Probably more generally, just bad at giving the kind of subtle or not-so-subtle gestures of social encouragement and appreciation that people expect. Also, I was very shy when I was younger… basically, scared that people were going to ridicule me… and I think I got into the habit of “turning invisible”: avoiding eye contact, adopting defensive body language, etc. I’m a lot less shy now, but I think I still do that sort of thing automatically, without even meaning to. As a result, people tend to think I’m pissed off at them even when I feel like I’m being friendly. So… just badly calibrated for casual social interactions. ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/52 "2009-03-26T20:04:12Z")
My only real flaw is that I’m way too humble about all the amazing positive qualities I possess. To be as humble as I am despite the fact that I am practically perfect in every way, well, that’s quite an achievement if I do say so myself. It certainly makes me more humble than _you_ and I’d bet it puts me in the running for most humble person in the whole world, ever. I’m working on it though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![imfloating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bc79bd/32.png) [@imfloating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imfloating)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/53 "2009-03-26T20:31:49Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > I’ll start. > > 1. I have a hard time admitting I am wrong about trivial facts when the other person is someone I perceive to be less intelligent than I am. > > 2. I feel entitled to give people my opinion on things in the workplace where my opinion is neither wanted nor needed. > > 3. I complain. ALOT. Like ALOT ALOT. > > 4. I make negative comments ALOT. Like ALOT ALOT. > > 5. I comment on how odd a person looks (big nose, unkempt hair, etc…) to people around me when it is totally unnecessary. > > 6. Sometimes I feel compelled to act like I don’t like something that everyone around me likes just to feel “elite”. I can feel myself do this and I can’t stop it. > > 7. I tell long stories but rush people through theirs and interrupt them. > > 8. I walk like an asshole. > > These are but a few of my flaws but I was thinking about it today and felt the need to share them. I’m actively working on 1, 2, 3,4 and 5 but 6,7 and 8 are on hold until I can clear up the big top 5. > > Anyone else want to share? Be honest and no excuses! OMG I think I might be married to you. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/54 "2009-03-26T21:19:18Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I say pretty much exactly what’s on my mind. I don’t believe in bullshitting people. Hey, at least you know where you stand. That’s not a flaw. That’s fucking awesome. The world needs more like you. > [@horsetech](#): > > I have high standards for myself and others, and I think I can come across poorly at times if I feel that something needs to be corrected/done differently. This is especially true when it comes to animal husbandry or work related things. Some things I’ve learned to let go, other things I do myself, and I try to be as diplomatic as possible if there’s something that needs to be changed. > > I’m sure I come across as a teacher’s pet type to some – I answer questions a lot, and I often go up to talk to the professor after class if it’s someone I like. > > I think I ask too many questions sometimes. In particular, if I want to know why a vet does something in x way, when there are several accepted methods of doing something, I have trouble phrasing it so that it doesn’t sound like I’m challenging them or impugning their judgment. It’s something that I’m conscious of and that I’ve improved on, but I still worry that I come across as insulting from time to time. > > I guess that, overall, I can be lacking in tact at times. I’m a bit of an awkward communicator – I used to be a very quiet, reserved person, and as I’ve developed and become more confident I’ve gone a little far in the other direction towards saying too much. It’s a constant learning process to refine what I say and how I say it. I really like you 😃 ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/55 "2009-03-26T22:38:36Z")
Aw, thank you! To be immodest, I get along with most people OK, but there are a few that I’m sure think I’m a b\*\*\*\*. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/56 "2009-03-26T22:56:43Z")
I talk a lot, and over others. I occasionally interrupt someone else so that I may trail off. I was a shy child, so I figure I’m overcompensating now. I complain a lot, too (though often with good reason). Then apologize. Then complain some more. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/57 "2009-03-26T23:40:10Z")
I talk way too much. I interrupt people. I am too loud and too excitable. Sometimes if I haven’t seen a person for awhile, I give them a hug and actually unbalance them a little because I’m so happy. (It sounds like I’m a labrador puppy, when I write it out like that.) I overreact to circumstances. I have very little self-confidence and need regular reassurance that I’m good enough and smart enough and people like me. My husband says I have the most warped self-view of anyone he’s ever met. I know it drives him crazy, even though he’s very patient. Also, I hate housework and avoid it when I feel like I can. I also hate a dirty house and am compelled to do something about it, so I have a little bit of a conflicted thing going on. I don’t think this drives anyone crazy but me, though, so maybe it doesn’t count. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/58 "2009-03-27T00:03:40Z")
Remember a while ago we had a thread and several of us expressed bafflement as to why people found us intimidating? I’ve given it a lot of thought since then and I think I’ve figured it out. I find people like **StuffLikeThatThere’s** first paragraph intimidating, especially when the person is also a lot taller than me, which isn’t unusual given I’m not quite 5’4". How then, does little, often labeled quiet, too often taken for someone far younger than I am, me intimidate anyone? First, I’ve learned that being quiet is actually intimidating to some more out-going people. Apparently they worry about what we’re thinking _about them_…which strikes me as pretty narcissistic because I’m rarely thinking about them at all, never mind ruminating on some sort of negative opinion of them. Not giving your opinion of them seems to make a lot of people think you dislike them, even if you don’t. Second, I’m sarcastic. Most people find my comments funny, but probably 25% do not. Unless I’m flirting with a guy who is giving as good as he’s getting, or talking to a friend I know can take a jab in the proper spirit, I rarely direct sarcasm _towards_ people present, but it seems like some people are afraid I’ll start tearing them to shreds instead of making commentary on things. Third, I’m pretty self-confident. I don’t know why that bothers people who aren’t, but I’m convinced now that it does. I treat people like they are _also_ self-confident, which means that I’m not very nurturing to people, who again like **StuffLikeThatThere** , seem to require significantly more outside validation than I do. I don’t need it very often, and I don’t naturally offer it to others though I try to remember to. So there you go. I’m quiet, sarcastic, and don’t offer praise as often as I should, all of which put a certain set of people off and worse still makes them uneasy. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/59 "2009-03-27T00:18:12Z")
> [@StuffLikeThatThere](#): > > Also, I hate housework and avoid it when I feel like I can. I also hate a dirty house and am compelled to do something about it, so I have a little bit of a conflicted thing going on. I don’t think this drives anyone crazy but me, though, so maybe it doesn’t count. Oh, that’s me. And I get really grumpy after the house hits a certain level of messiness, so my lack of housecleaning skillz bites everyone. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820/60 "2009-03-27T00:23:08Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > No one has ever sat me down and told me how I’m off-putting, but here are a few guesses: > > 1. I don’t take anything seriously. I laugh at things that are funny and not funny. I have little tolerance for concerns which I perceive as trivial–which is about 99% of everything people talk about. I don’t care about much outside of the matters of my mind. I’m sure I come across as thinking I’m “above it all”. > > 2. I don’t share much about myself. Everyone who knows me knows I have a twin sister, my mother is religious, and that I used to be chased by alligators for a living. But I don’t talk about much beyond that. When people start getting nosy, I push them back. I’m secretive and mysterious and some people have told me it bothers them. > > 3. I’m pathological introverted. I will socialize in the office break room and suffer fools who come into my office to chat, but after work I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I turn into a monk on the weekends and become unsettled when people want me to do things with them. I make exceptions, of course, for family, but even then I’m looking at the clock. Out of all my flaws this one bothers me the most because I know it upsets people. People want me to go to their parties or do the nebulous “hang out” thing, and they understandably get offended when I always decline their invitations. I feel just about the same exact way. After I’m done with work or a social encounter, my batteries need severe recharging and I don’t like when people pry when they don’t understand that I must be alone for some time. I hate small talk the worst, it drains me because usually the small talk is trivial and I don’t get the need to discuss trivial details that I can’t do anything about. And leave me the hell alone, I’ll call you. It really isn’t anything personal, but I get pissed when people don’t understand that I need down time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-personality-flaws-do-you-have-that-are-offputting-to-others/490820.md?page=4)