# What positions or views could ruin your friendship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786 "2014-07-22T22:56:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/41 "2014-07-24T18:06:58Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Sure. I also see that certain behaviors, like deliberately mispronouncing magick, simply to piss believers off falls under the heading of petty jackassery. No doubt it is cute when you do it, though. I also don’t spend a lot of time hanging out with people who don’t get my sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/42 "2014-07-24T18:12:27Z")
I have no room in my life for racist, homophobic, anti-science, or religious zealots (basically modern day republicans). ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/43 "2014-07-24T18:21:27Z")
Hypocrisy is a deal breaker. For instance, I know people who claim to be"tolerant," but mercilessly bully others who hold different views. If you want to hate others, fine. Just don’t pretend you are tolerant. Also, people who have a double standard. For some reason, double standards really, really irk me. They are one of my biggest irritants. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/44 "2014-07-24T18:23:51Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Hypocrisy is a deal breaker. For instance, I know people who claim to be"tolerant," but mercilessly bully others who hold different views. If you want to hate others, fine. Just don’t pretend you are tolerant. Time to reset the “It’s been \_\_\_ days since the last cry of ‘You’re intolerant of intolerance!’” sign to zero. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/45 "2014-07-24T18:25:42Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I have no room in my life for racist, homophobic, anti-science, or religious zealots (basically modern day republicans). I can’t begin to tell you how heartbroken we are. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/46 "2014-07-24T18:28:51Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Time to reset the “It’s been \_\_\_ days since the last cry of ‘You’re intolerant of intolerance!’” sign to zero. I’ve seen folks get bullied (by “tolerant” people) for daring to suggest that conflicts be resolved through friendliness and understanding rather than hatred and attacks. Not sure how that meets your ‘You’re intolerant of intolerance!’" description. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/47 "2014-07-24T18:57:27Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’ve seen folks get bullied (by “tolerant” people) for daring to suggest that conflicts be resolved through friendliness and understanding rather than hatred and attacks. > Not sure how that meets your ‘You’re intolerant of intolerance!’" description. I would never bully anyone who had this view, but I would let them know I disagree with them if they kept harping on it about it in a sanctimonious fashion. Oppression _is_ violence. If you aren’t making any headway by holding hands and singing kumbaya and people are being really fucked-over, well, maybe some fighting is in order. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/48 "2014-07-24T19:01:25Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > I can’t begin to tell you how heartbroken we are. Which are you? Racist, homophobic? anti-science, or religious zealot? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/49 "2014-07-24T19:06:58Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’ve seen folks get bullied (by “tolerant” people) for daring to suggest that conflicts be resolved through friendliness and understanding rather than hatred and attacks. I’ve seen people who when they are in the majority are hateful and cruel, but when they fall into the minority declare that they deserve tolerance for their hatred and cruelty. Is that the sort of thing you mean? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/50 "2014-07-24T19:25:53Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve seen people who when they are in the majority are hateful and cruel, but when they fall into the minority declare that they deserve tolerance for their hatred and cruelty. Is that the sort of thing you mean? Not sure how you get that out of this: > [@Velocity](#): > > I’ve seen folks get bullied (by “tolerant” people) for daring to suggest that conflicts be resolved through friendliness and understanding rather than hatred and attacks. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/51 "2014-07-24T19:28:38Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Not sure how you get that out of this: It was a hijack of the thread, so I’m going to drop it. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/52 "2014-07-24T22:14:15Z")
Them being anti-gay rights. But then, we probably wouldn’t have made friends in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/53 "2014-07-24T22:34:32Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Which are you? Racist, homophobic? anti-science, or religious zealot? I’m thinking it’s the ‘Republican’ part. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/54 "2014-07-24T22:50:48Z")
I don’t think a “position or view” would ruin a friendship for me unless it was causing harm or the person was being a jerk about it. I could never befriend a person who willfully harmed children, for example, or who was cruel to animals. My husband and I disagree markedly on some issues, but we no longer argue about them since we know nothing positive will come of it. One of my very best friends passionately believes in homeopathic “medicine.” She knows I think it’s nonsense, but we have lots of better things to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/55 "2014-07-24T23:46:55Z")
Being a friend to someone is a choice I make. They have no say in it. They do not have to like it or me, they don’t even have to know me. To be my friend is their choice. Same rules for them. Every thing changes except the fact that everything changes. I have been or not been a friend to people in the past that I should not have and conversely should have been friends to. They changed or I changed. I never say never and don’t trust those that do until they die from one of their never’s. Does not mean I can’t or won’t chose to be their friend. I have few friends & many acquaintances. Since I think all humans are not basically good, I am very deliberate about who when I go out on a limb for. As per this thread, I find it amusing that people think it makes any difference to others if they are considered friends. Bawahahaha, we are not nearly important as we think we are. We are just self centered. Another great human basic condition. I do not know who many true friends I have that measure up to my friendship to them levels, but that is my deal, not theirs. Facts are real, opinions & truth are relative to time and place. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/56 "2014-07-25T04:39:28Z")
I would add this, I hate guys who walk out on their responsibility as fathers. Look, guys, I dont care how you made that kids if it was a one night stand or you were married to the Mom you take some responsibility for your kids. Its not always possible but do your best. I have a son with special needs. Yea, it takes alot of my money and time and he can be a hassle. But I have no intention of walking out on his life. Now in contrast I met this guy I befriended but dropped when I found out he had walked away from a family because his son had autism like mine did but he didnt want to deal “with the hassle”. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/57 "2014-07-25T04:58:29Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Science views generally (so creationists, ancient alienists, climate change denialists, etc) I can see your side but quite frankly, I dont know anyone who doesnt have SOME of those views. I mean everyone has their prejudices. I work with blacks, hispanics, and others and we constantly make jokes about each other. And sexism? I mean what man/woman hasnt rolled their eyes at the behaviors of their opposite? Now creationism, ancient aliens, and climate change deniers. Unless their pushing it on me I dont have a problem with it because in reality I think of it like people who believe in or at least play around with or study other “pseudo-science” things like ghosts, luck, tarot cards, ESP, or cryptozoology. I think studying things like that is like studying the history of Star Wars or the Tolkien universe. So what I’m trying to say - nobodys perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/58 "2014-07-25T15:29:40Z")
Heh, my best friend is a believing Protestant Christian type of Scottish background - he’s married to a Sufi Muslim from Iran. My wife is a believing Catholic of Ukrainian background and I’m an atheist Jew. We used to get together for all-night debating sessions on religion, politics and world affairs. No two of us had the same opinion on _anything_. 😃 Now we are all parents, so all-night debates happen rather less frequently. Still, those were some of the best times I can remember. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/59 "2014-07-25T16:08:25Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I can see your side but quite frankly, I dont know anyone who doesnt have SOME of those views. I mean everyone has their prejudices. I work with blacks, hispanics, and others and we constantly make jokes about each other. And sexism? I mean what man/woman hasnt rolled their eyes at the behaviors of their opposite? > > Now creationism, ancient aliens, and climate change deniers. Unless their pushing it on me I dont have a problem with it because in reality I think of it like people who believe in or at least play around with or study other “pseudo-science” things like ghosts, luck, tarot cards, ESP, or cryptozoology. I think studying things like that is like studying the history of Star Wars or the Tolkien universe. > > So what I’m trying to say - nobodys perfect. There’s the kind of prejudice that makes people afraid to drive into certain neighborhoods or make eye contact with certain people. I think all of us have this kind of prejudice, and it’s not necessarily mapped onto racism. However, I’m kind of sick of racism and sexism being likened to political differences. If someone thinks an entire group of people are animals and they are bold enough to make this known to others, then they deserve to be shunned and shamed. It is perfectly fine to be intolerant of this kind of intolerance. I’m personally struggling with this because the aforementioned friend of mine was so bold. The way she was talking, she might as well have called _me_ an animal. Now, I’m not a perfect saint and I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I’m not obligated to forgive people just because otherwise they’re decent. There are flaws and then there are _defects_. Everyone has the former, but not everyone has the latter. I can be friendly with just about anyone, because I know how to be fake and phony while keeping my true feelings secret. But being friends is a different matter. The average black person spends much of their 9-5 playing the good ambassador and not going off on the ignorant racist assholes in their midst. But when they are with friends, they should be abe to relax and not worry about “playing nice” for the sake of racial harmony. Saying “nobody’s perfect” with regard to befriending racists…this sounds like something only a person with limited experience with racism and bigoty would be able say with a straight face. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786/60 "2014-07-25T18:11:22Z")
Proselytizing. First time you get the hairy eyeball, second time you’re out the door and don’t come back. Two of my friends, best buddies with each other for many years, and they came to hate each other over George W Bush of all things. One was God-parent to the other’s kids! Now it’s pure, spitting hatred. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-positions-or-views-could-ruin-your-friendship/693786.md?page=4)