# What qualities make for the best lover? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2016, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405 "2016-03-09T14:26:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/1 "2016-03-09T14:26:30Z")
There is another thread in this forum that asks the question: “Is sex with an attractive person better than with an unattractive person”? > **[Is sex with an attractive person any different from sex with a not so...](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=786301)** > > Apart from psychological factors? I understand that someone who is obese or doesn’t keep good hygiene would be a turn off for most people. Sexual pleasure is determined by things like orientation of the individual, smell of their partner…but... I think a more interesting and possibly more useful thread could be: “What qualities make for the best lover”? The greatest lover I have ever had was not at all particularly attractive. But she kept things going very slowly. Slowly … Slowly … Slowly … Right up to the moment before orgasm. Then, the orgasm came with all the power of at least double or triple a normal orgasm. I never experienced anything like that before or since. How about you? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/2 "2016-03-09T15:13:14Z")
Inability to produce children. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/3 "2016-03-09T15:13:14Z")
Was that you Charlie? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/4 "2016-03-09T15:22:57Z")
By far and away it’s got to be enthusiasm. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/5 "2016-03-09T17:09:40Z")
I’d say that the ability to pay attention and adjust what they’re doing based on whatever feedback they’re getting is probably paramount. Enthusiasm isn’t good if they’re doing it wrong and not adjusting/getting better. Closely followed by enthusiasm and adventurousness though. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/6 "2016-03-09T17:26:41Z")
Confidence ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/7 "2016-03-09T17:28:09Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Enthusiasm isn’t good if they’re doing it wrong and not adjusting/getting better. And then you get a broken wiener. I would suggest not googling that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/8 "2016-03-09T17:30:13Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I’d say that the ability to pay attention and adjust what they’re doing based on whatever feedback they’re getting is probably paramount. Enthusiasm isn’t good if they’re doing it wrong and not adjusting/getting better. > > Closely followed by enthusiasm and adventurousness though. Yes, absolutely, but I would still put enthusiasm at the top of the list. I don’t think they will be interested in feedback if they are not enthused in the first place! But yes, for men, it’s definitely LISTEN. I can’t tell you how many men have told me “I’m a great lover, I can go all night long.” Yeah, that’s not what women want, that just sounds painful and uncomfortable, and besides, just because you’re a great lover with Suzie doesn’t mean you’re a great lover. Women are not all cut from the same cloth! You can’t use the same techniques! ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/9 "2016-03-09T17:33:39Z")
I value a quality where I feel the emotional response matches the physical response. The foreplay starts at the begaining of a date or when you wake up in the morning. Tecnique is always nice but no substitute for having your head and your heart in the right place first. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/10 "2016-03-09T17:53:20Z")
I once knew a guy who amazed me because he seemed to sleep with a different lady every night. I asked him what his secret was and this is what he told me. “From the moment you start making love, never stop moving. Use every part of your body that can move and move them over your partner’s body”. I asked him just what parts of his body he was referring to and he said: “Both hands. Both arms. Both feet. Both legs. Your lips. Your tongue.” He was just an average guy - not an acrobat or a contortionist. I never understood how someone could move all those body parts at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/11 "2016-03-09T18:13:44Z")
Begs the question - if he was so good, why did he have to sleep with a “different lady every night”? No repeat business? ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/12 "2016-03-09T18:21:42Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I once knew a guy who amazed me because he seemed to sleep with a different lady every night. > > I asked him what his secret was and this is what he told me. > > “From the moment you start making love, never stop moving. Use every part of your body that can move and move them over your partner’s body”. > > I asked him just what parts of his body he was referring to and he said: > > “Both hands. Both arms. Both feet. Both legs. Your lips. Your tongue.” > > He was just an average guy - not an acrobat or a contortionist. I never understood how someone could move all those body parts at the same time. I think you’ve omitted some steps there, CW. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/13 "2016-03-09T18:25:55Z")
Knowing what to do with the fish is the easy part. Catching it is a different story! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/14 "2016-03-09T18:26:46Z")
Sleeping with a different lady every night - that is, the acquisition of all those women - has really not much to do with how good of a lover you are. Getting the girl into bed requires different skills than pleasing her in bed. God knows they don’t always match up. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/15 "2016-03-09T18:33:01Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Knowing what to do with the fish is the easy part. Catching it is a different story! 😃 That’s what chloroform is for. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/16 "2016-03-09T18:43:35Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Knowing what to do with the fish is the easy part. Catching it is a different story! 😃 I am not a _fish_, I am a _lady_. : walks away primly : ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/17 "2016-03-09T18:51:20Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > \*\*What qualities make for the best lover? > \*\* Someone who would have the guts to stand by you & not let Nostril-Fucks mess with you free of [del]scars[/del] response. Someone who would use what leverage or power that they had personally to privately and publicly damage anyone who’d try to get off on hurting someone they cared about… even if they had a big face in your industry\*. \*ESPECIALLY if they had a Big Face in your industry. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/18 "2016-03-09T18:57:14Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I once knew a guy who amazed me because he seemed to sleep with a different lady every night. > > I asked him what his secret was and this is what he told me. > > “From the moment you start making love, never stop moving. Use every part of your body that can move and move them over your partner’s body”. > > I asked him just what parts of his body he was referring to and he said: > > “Both hands. Both arms. Both feet. Both legs. Your lips. Your tongue.” What am I to be doing with my butt cheeks? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/19 "2016-03-09T19:30:24Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > What am I to be doing with my butt cheeks? Showing off your Rebew brand? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405/20 "2016-03-09T19:56:05Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Someone who would have the guts to stand by you & not let Nostril-Fucks mess with you free of [del]scars[/del] response. Are there people into nostril-fucking? Sarah Jessica parker would be the perfect 10 in that world. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-qualities-make-for-the-best-lover/748405.md?page=2)