# What religion has the best relocation package in Afterlife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771 "2010-09-23T15:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/1 "2010-09-23T15:00:48Z")
Although my title appears to be a little humoristic, I do need information about religions in order to get the best deal. Christianity, Islam and Judaism have this resurrection of the dead. I guess this means that we have to die, before getting to Paradise:eek: Are there any shortcuts in this? Christians and Jews seem to live 1000 years in their corpses singing Gospels. I suppose I’m not likely to make this choir. Watching Achmed the Dead Terrorist several times, I know that Muslims may have some feminine company with them. A little chauvinistic, but tempting at the same time. Does anyone know a better offer? Are there any manuals on Christian afterlife? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/2 "2010-09-23T15:40:58Z")
Moved MPSIMS --\> IMHO (on its way to heaven, no doubt). ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/3 "2010-09-23T16:47:52Z")
Mormons have a good afterlife. It’s hard to get into Hell (The Outer Darkness) unless you really work at it. There are three degrees of heavenly glory, and if you get into the top slot you have a shot at becoming God of your own Creation. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/4 "2010-09-23T17:07:15Z")
Well, with atheism, you only get to lie in the ground and rot (or do whatever it is ashes do once scattered), but you can sleep in on Sundays. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/5 "2010-09-23T17:22:29Z")
Can’t beat 72 virgins… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/6 "2010-09-23T18:07:15Z")
Of course you can. 72 sluts. What good is a virgin? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/7 "2010-09-23T19:09:30Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Of course you can. 72 sluts. What good is a virgin? Not only that , but they _stay_ virgins. “Now that _that’s_ finally over with, we can have some fun…waitaminnit, the damn thing grew back!?” ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/8 "2010-09-23T19:36:30Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Can’t beat 72 virgins… … what if they are all like Sister Mary Kathleen from St. Ignatius? ---
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/9 "2010-09-23T20:33:06Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Mormons have a good afterlife. It’s hard to get into Hell (The Outer Darkness) unless you really work at it. There are three degrees of heavenly glory, and if you get into the top slot you have a shot at becoming God of your own Creation. Sounds easy. Do you know, whether Mormons have several reincarnations like in Hinduism? IIRC Moroni used to be some warrior, an angel and a prophet:confused: Or is it just a one way ticket? What about the wives - can you leave the meaner ones behind when you resurrect? Is swapping allowed? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/10 "2010-09-23T20:41:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Sounds easy. Do you know, whether Mormons have several reincarnations like in Hinduism? IIRC Moroni used to be some warrior, an angel and a prophet Or is it just a one way ticket? What about the wives - can you leave the meaner ones behind when you resurrect? Is swapping allowed? LDS don’t do reincarnation. Moroni was a human warrior who became an “exalted personage” and, by LDS beliefs, later appeared to Joseph Smith as an angel. They don’t believe that you get reborn after a life on earth (although they _do_ have a belief in a pre-birth pre-existence that I don’t know of any other Western religion having. Maybe you heard about this and that’s what made you think about reincarnation.) I don’t mean to put anyone’s beliefs down. I may speak in a flip fashion about beliefs, but it’s not intended to be dismissive. Just because I don’t share their beliefs is no reason to denigrate anyone’s beliefs. I think everyone has a right to go to Hell\* in their own handbasket. \*or Heaven ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/11 "2010-09-23T20:45:49Z")
> [@komolono](#): > > Although my title appears to be a little humoristic, I do need information about religions in order to get the best deal. Christianity, Islam and Judaism have this resurrection of the dead. I guess this means that we have to die, before getting to Paradise:eek: Are there any shortcuts in this? > Christians and Jews seem to live 1000 years in their corpses singing Gospels. I suppose I’m not likely to make this choir. Watching Achmed the Dead Terrorist several times, I know that Muslims may have some feminine company with them. A little chauvinistic, but tempting at the same time. Does anyone know a better offer? Are there any manuals on Christian afterlife? In scripture (NT) some will die (fall asleep), the raised from the dead to be with Christ but some will be taken up in the air to be with Christ directly. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/12 "2010-09-23T20:49:17Z")
Well, Valhalla has endless feasting, drinking, carousing, and fighting going for it. Of course, that’s only passing the time until the end of the world when you’re destined to fight in a war you’re going to lose, but while it lasts it’s probably a hell of a lot more interesting than floating around on a cloud playing a harp. ---
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/13 "2010-09-23T20:54:25Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Well, Valhalla has endless feasting, drinking, carousing, and fighting going for it. Well, this may sound cool, but I’ve already tried it. I mean your body comes with a liver. After two weeks… ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/14 "2010-09-23T21:34:44Z")
> [@komolono](#): > > Christians and Jews seem to live 1000 years in their corpses singing Gospels. I can’t speak for Jews, but there are a lot of different Christian interpretations of how and when the dead body gets reunited with the soul. If you prefer, you can embrace the notion that you’ll be in a state of perfect contentment until your body catches up with you, and after that you’ll have both physical perfection and perfect contentment. Of course, the other way of reading that is that you’ll only think you’re having a good time until your body finally catches up with you. You can hope the Rapture happens during your lifetime, but there’s the sticky matter of surviving the end days. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/15 "2010-09-23T21:55:46Z")
> [@komolono](#): > > > [@Marlitharn](#): > > > > Well, Valhalla has endless feasting, drinking, carousing, and fighting going for it. > > Well, this may sound cool, but I’ve already tried it. I mean your body comes with a liver. After two weeks… “I mean, generally you tired even of turkey by about day four…” --Pterry, _Interesting Times_ ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/16 "2010-09-23T21:56:32Z")
> [@komolono](#): > > > [@Marlitharn](#): > > > > Well, Valhalla has endless feasting, drinking, carousing, and fighting going for it. > > Well, this may sound cool, but I’ve already tried it. I mean your body comes with a liver. After two weeks… .. you, what, die of liver failure? You’re _dead,_ dude! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/17 "2010-09-23T22:06:14Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Well, Valhalla has endless feasting, drinking, carousing, and fighting going for it. Of course, that’s only passing the time until the end of the world when you’re destined to fight in a war you’re going to lose, but while it lasts it’s probably a hell of a lot more interesting than floating around on a cloud playing a harp. That losing the final battle thing only counts if they play that old time Ragnorak and Roll before I get there. Gandalf ain’t the only one that can do the “Thou shall not pass” thing. I’ll make Loki my bitch. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/18 "2010-09-23T23:36:23Z")
NSFW story about afterlives: [noparse][http://www.asstr.org/~osteele/different/rapture.html[/noparse]](http://www.asstr.org/~osteele/different/rapture.html%5B/noparse%5D) ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/19 "2010-09-24T14:33:59Z")
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM-ism) has beer volcanoes and a stripper factory in its afterlife. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/20 "2010-09-24T16:00:31Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM-ism) has beer volcanoes and a stripper factory in its afterlife. Where do I sign up? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771.md?page=2)