# What religion has the best relocation package in Afterlife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771 "2010-09-23T15:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/21 "2010-09-24T23:47:09Z")
> [@komolono](#): > > Are there any manuals on Christian afterlife? There’s this thing called a “Bible.” You may have heard of it… ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/22 "2010-09-25T00:47:56Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM-ism) has beer volcanoes and a stripper factory in its afterlife. Also called Pastafarianism. And their hell is also a beer volcanoe and a stripper factory. But the beer is warm and a little stale while the strippers have aged a bit and put on some weight As far as I know you do still have to die to get to either of these places, bit of a bummer. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/23 "2010-09-25T00:49:50Z")
[QUOTE=Maus Magill;12951376 Where do I sign up?/QUOTE] Right [here.](http://www.venganza.org/) ---
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/24 "2010-09-25T03:43:29Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > > [@komolono](#): > > > > Are there any manuals on Christian afterlife? > > There’s this thing called a “Bible.” You may have heard of it… I prefer a 10-page manual. I started the mentioned book, but found out it’s quite boring. My hopes were up - waited for the part where Peter Gabriel comes in - he never did:smack: You should have an index to find out where the good stuff is. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/25 "2010-09-25T03:49:17Z")
I never could get my mind around singing praises with the holy choir for eternity back when I was Lutheran. I just knew that, being a humbly sub-standard Lutheran, I’d be so far in the back row that I’d need binoculars to see the director. But then, as I understood it, they would have ways of making you enjoy it anyway. Edit: Now that I think about it, ALL the Lutherans would probably be in the back row. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/26 "2010-09-25T03:58:02Z")
Not a holy book, but Mark Twain did a rif on the subject in “Captain Stormfield’s Trip to Heaven” (or something like that?). Anyhow, I like it. The cap’n being a sailor and all, he’s probably right about those wings being impossible to use as issued. Mark Twain being a gentleman and all, he probably left out a lot about the courtin’ opportunities in heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/27 "2010-09-25T04:01:30Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Can’t beat 72 virgins… No one ever said anything about them being chicks. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/28 "2010-09-25T04:16:19Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > > [@Rigamarole](#): > > > > Can’t beat 72 virgins… > > No one ever said anything about them being chicks. [Achmed The Dead Terrorist]Holy Crap! _you_ are my virgins!?![ATDT] ---
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/29 "2010-09-25T04:22:11Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > > [@Rigamarole](#): > > > > Can’t beat 72 virgins… > > No one ever said anything about them being chicks. I sort of liked this thread turned out chauvinistic. Let there be a tangent “Where are the Hunks of Paradise?” or “Being gay in Paradise” - and a tangent there was. I used the word tangent, because it’s so gay. Are there any closets in Christian Heaven to come out of - not that I need one? Seriously, these issues must be solved before getting there. You either tolerate other’s sexual preferences or the gay people are out. You cannot say there will be no sex/sexes, because you believe in resurrection of the **body** - hormones and all. ETA: I know - gay hormones… ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/30 "2010-09-25T04:45:14Z")
Are you drunk? ---
**Author:** ![komolono](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/komolono/32/532_2.png) [@komolono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komolono)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771/31 "2010-09-25T04:51:15Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > Are you drunk? Should I? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-best-relocation-package-in-afterlife/554771.md?page=1)