# What religion has the least appealing afterlife? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 27, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711 "2009-09-27T02:07:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/21 "2009-09-27T07:26:12Z")
The Epic of Gilgamesh contains a pretty piss poor example of the afterlife. Basically you get to sit around drinking dust and eating clay for the eternity. Sucks. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/22 "2009-09-27T07:58:30Z")
Man, that sounds really bad. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/23 "2009-09-27T14:10:10Z")
> [@](#): > > But that’s nothing compared to the shadowy world of Hades, where most ancient Greeks could expect to go. “Better to be a farmhand on Earth…than to rule over all the exhausted Dead” – Achilles in book 11 of the _Odyssey_. Of course, it got nicer later on in Grek mythology, until finally you had the nifty, well-groomed Elysian Fields. The unniest treatment of the Christian afterlife is in the writings of mark Twain, where he points out that ost people are bored by hymn singing, and not very good at it, but that’s what the Protestant Churches were pushing. Plus, as he wryly noted, visions of Christian heaven always seemed to leave out Sex. A G-rated version of this was animated in Will Vinton’s **The Adventures of Mark Twain** , which adapted Twain’s “Extracts from Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/24 "2009-09-27T14:34:08Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > Not really. Eventually you will (in theory) progress beyond this world and achieve perfection. > > -XT At some point, don’t you get to be a cow ? That sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/25 "2009-09-27T14:53:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Only for some people Calvinist doctrine says everyone is utterly depraved and there’s no way to determine whom God has chosen for his elect. But not surprisingly, the people who believe this doctrine usually think they’re in. There’s that deep streak of misanthropy that runs through some Christians - they’re willing to let a few people in Heaven but their real dream is to make sure as many people as possible are going to Hell. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/26 "2009-09-27T20:26:53Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > In Judaism I don’t think there is a clear idea of a personal afterlife (depending on the variant), so perhaps that would count as well. > -XT Before you dismiss it, there’s a very ancient tradition that the afterlife is one perpetual orgasm, turned up to eleven. I am entirely serious. The Talmud talks about things that are “a taste of the world-to-come”, and one of them is sex. Please form an orderly line at the gate, no shoving. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/27 "2009-09-27T20:46:55Z")
> [@TWDuke](#): > > It’s tied to your arm so you can’t bend your elbow. > > I found that image so appalling that it has stuck with me for decades! Then stick your face into the food and eat like a dog. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/28 "2009-09-27T21:23:49Z")
Jeff Dunham as Walter(paraphrased) “72 virgins? How about 72 slutty broads who know what the hell they’re doing?” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/29 "2009-09-27T22:23:14Z")
Wasn’t it the Polyenesians (sp?) who believed that the Gods raised us so they could feed on our souls, the way Humans raised pigs to eat? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/30 "2009-09-27T22:59:08Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > At some point, don’t you get to be a cow ? That sucks. Only if you have slightly worse karma then a human. If your karma is really great you get to be a diva, or even a god. You still die though. gods IIRC get killed when the universe goes through it’s cycles of destruction. If your karma is super horrid you spend a unit of time several magnitudes longer then the current age of the universe in a place so cold your skin falls off and your organs crack. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/31 "2009-09-28T05:44:08Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > At some point, don’t you get to be a cow ? That sucks. No, no, that’s the udderlife. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/32 "2009-09-29T10:12:15Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Wasn’t it the Polyenesians (sp?) who believed that the Gods raised us so they could feed on our souls, the way Humans raised pigs to eat? Didn’t Lovecraft specifically name Polyesnesia as a source of Old One cults? ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/33 "2009-10-07T17:13:56Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > If your karma is super horrid you spend a unit of time several magnitudes longer then the current age of the universe in a place so cold your skin falls off and your organs crack. Ahhh that explains why I was born in Canada. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/34 "2009-10-07T17:38:54Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > She was also told that Catholic un-baptized babies went to Hell. It’s Limbo, people, and its not like Hell. Okay, it’s not much like Heaven, but it’s not like Hell. :mad: Not only is it Limbo, but it’s a kinda of preparation for the real deal. And its non-Canon: a lot of people do believe it, but it’s not required as part fo the Catholic faith! Actually, re-reading your post… youo wife was told (as a child) in Methodist Sunday School that unbaptized Catholic babies go to Hell? Was her minister parfticular anti-Catholic, or did they think that Catholic baptism was a cosmic homing beacon for God in case of dead baby? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/35 "2009-10-07T19:05:41Z")
Actually, the Catholic Church has recently been re-thinking Limbo, and suggesting that it doesn’t exist. Which, if the RCC afterlife were it, woiuld be a serious bummer. From Wikipedia’s article on **Limbo** : > [@](#): > > The Limbo of Infants (Latin limbus infantium or limbus puerorum) is a hypothesis about the permanent status of the unbaptized who die in infancy, too young to have committed personal sins, but not having been freed from original sin. Since at least the time of Augustine, theologians, considering baptism to be necessary for the salvation of those to whom it can be administered, have debated the fate of unbaptized innocents, and the theory of the Limbo of Infants is one of the hypotheses that have been formulated as a proposed solution. Some who hold this theory regard the Limbo of Infants as a state of maximum natural happiness, others as one of “mildest punishment” consisting at least of privation of the beatific vision and of any hope of obtaining it. This theory, in any of its forms, has never been dogmatically defined by the Church, but it is permissible to hold it. **Recent Catholic theological speculation tends to stress the hope that these infants may attain heaven instead of the supposed state of Limbo; however, the directly opposed theological opinion also exists, namely that there is no afterlife state intermediate between salvation and damnation, and that all the unbaptized are damned.** (Emphasis mine) ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/36 "2009-10-07T19:23:34Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Actually, the Catholic Church has recently been re-thinking Limbo, and suggesting that it doesn’t exist. Which, if the RCC afterlife were it, woiuld be a serious bummer. I wouldn’t worry about it. There are onyl about a bajillion Catholic Theologians, and much like other scientists, there’s always somebody who makes some pretty freaky claims - and they feel free to do so. Ask a parish priest, on the other hand, and you’ll usually get a possibly simplistic but more accurate answer on doctrine. The Catholic Church has never held that Baptism is absolutely required for salvation, only that those who can, must, and some people are interpreting it way over-literally. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/37 "2009-10-07T19:29:59Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > My wife was told in Sunday School (Methodist) that, in Heaven, the silverware is all three feet (close enough to a meter) long so that you could not feed yourself, but had to feed the person sitting at the table across from you. “Hell is other people.” - Sartre ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/38 "2009-10-07T21:11:07Z")
I’ll go with Judaism. An afterlife so boring, many Jews aren’t concerned whether it even exists. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rayman5321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@rayman5321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayman5321)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/39 "2009-10-07T21:27:53Z")
The lights go out, folks and that’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711/40 "2009-10-07T22:38:34Z")
[QUOTE=Wikipedia] Recent Catholic theological speculation tends to stress the hope that these infants may attain heaven instead of the supposed state of Limbo; however, the directly opposed theological opinion also exists, namely that there is no afterlife state intermediate between salvation and damnation, and that all the unbaptized are damned. [/QUOTE] Or, to quote George Carlin, I hope they promoted everyone and didn’t just cut them loose in space. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-religion-has-the-least-appealing-afterlife/511711.md?page=3)