# What’s your opinion on mixed gender sleepovers for teenagers? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2019, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467 "2019-01-26T21:10:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/1 "2019-01-26T21:10:06Z")
I have no problem with them, but it would have been unthinkable when I was growing up. I think that teens will be teens and a mixed gender sleepover will involve the same type of activities as a same gender one. Late night bull sessions, games, watching movies, listening to music, ordering pizza, etc. Teens are going to find a way to have sex regardless. But, even at 17, that’s not their entire life and I think it’s perfectly fine to have a mixed gender sleepover. Don’t need answer fast, not a parent. It’s just something I’ve noticed in a couple of films I’ve watched recently. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/2 "2019-01-26T21:16:29Z")
First rule of sleepovers: No Drama. So it’ll be different for each parent. For us and our daughter, it meant no boys, but it also meant no Hailey. If you’d met her, you’d understand… ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/3 "2019-01-26T21:33:22Z")
Not just “no”, but HELL NO! I ain’t runnin’ no Bunga-Bunga Hut. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/4 "2019-01-26T21:42:37Z")
Sleeping in same bedroom or same house? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/5 "2019-01-26T21:47:03Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Not just “no”, but HELL NO! > > I ain’t runnin’ no Bunga-Bunga Hut. If your child was gay, would you allow same sex sleepovers? This issue came up in friend group recently & it’s really the same issue as having mixed gender sleepovers for heterosexual kids. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/6 "2019-01-26T22:13:27Z")
Nope. My kids went to a few lock-ins. Like a skating rink lock-in, you stay all night with many kids and many chaperones. I always chaperoned these things. School had movie night lock-ins. I was at those too. I was kind of a helicopter Mom. Don’t judge, the world is a terrible place for kids. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2019, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/7 "2019-01-26T22:30:00Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > If your child was gay, would you allow same sex sleepovers? This issue came up in friend group recently & it’s really the same issue as having mixed gender sleepovers for heterosexual kids. Is it the same issue, though? That’s assuming the only issues with mixed gender sleepovers are that the kids might have sex, or want to, or at least be attracted to one another which could cause complications or drama or awkwardness. I honestly don’t know: Is this the only issue, or are there possibly others? (We typically only have single-sex locker rooms and restrooms—is this the only issue there, too?) > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Nope. My kids went to a few lock-ins. I went to a few mixed gender church youth group overnight events as a teen. I never heard of anyone having a problem with it. Boys and girls slept in separate rooms or on separate sides of a big room, and there were adult chaperones. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/8 "2019-01-27T01:07:19Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Sleeping in same bedroom or same house? Same bedroom, but separate beds or someone’s in a sleeping bag on the floor. Door would be closed. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/9 "2019-01-27T01:13:33Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > If your child was gay, would you allow same sex sleepovers? This issue came up in friend group recently & it’s really the same issue as having mixed gender sleepovers for heterosexual kids. I’m gay but wasn’t out until college so it was never an issue for me and I had plenty of same gender sleepovers. I don’t think it was really an issue. While, sure, you’re basically noticing every guy from age 13-18, I never had crushes on my friends that I hung out with. It would be an interesting situation since many teens come out in high school now. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/10 "2019-01-27T01:30:00Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > I’m gay but wasn’t out until college so it was never an issue for me and I had plenty of same gender sleepovers. I don’t think it was really an issue. While, sure, you’re basically noticing every guy from age 13-18, I never had crushes on my friends that I hung out with. > > It would be an interesting situation since many teens come out in high school now. I have kids in high school & many of their friends have come out as gay, bi, pan, trans etc. So the topic of same gender sleepovers has been a topic of conversation among the parents. I suspect that my daughter may be gay but she has not come out, but I still allow sleepovers with other girls, even girls who have come out already. I am not sure what the right answer is, but I am thankful that kids feel the confidence to come out earlier here (we live in a very liberal & accepting area). She has never asked to have boys at a sleepover & oddly I might be opposed to that. Not exactly sure why. ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/11 "2019-01-27T01:39:23Z")
I think it’s a bad idea. Teenagers do not possess discretion unless it is taught to them. Disallowing co-ed sleepovers could help at least some of the kids to learn that behavior around the opposite sex is expected to under control. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/12 "2019-01-27T01:42:01Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > Same bedroom, but separate beds or someone’s in a sleeping bag on the floor. Door would be closed. Sooo, a small, intimate gathering then? And you’re basing your confidence that any sexual activity would be strictly consensual on what now? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/13 "2019-01-27T02:17:19Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Sooo, a small, intimate gathering then? > > And you’re basing your confidence that any sexual activity would be strictly consensual on what now? Well, as long as 3 people (any 3 people) are in the room, it would be hard for any 2 of them to have sex (consensual or not) without being detected, or at least, fear of being detected. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/14 "2019-01-27T02:30:02Z")
I think if I were a teenager, I’d stick with holding a single-gender sleepover. Having one of my parents snoring in the same room with us would just be a major drag. I’ll never forget the sleepover I attended as a kid. We were all girls, but the mom was in the room with us the whole night. It was creepy waking up every so often and seeing her shadowy figure peering down on me. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/15 "2019-01-27T03:35:15Z")
Apart from the sex issue, I think it would defeat the purpose of a sleepover. Girls have sleepovers so they can be giggly and silly, talk about boys, and let their hair down, literally and figuratively: all stuff they can’t do in the presence of boys. If they did attend a mixed-gender sleepover, they’d have to have \*\*another \*\* sleepover shortly afterwards, to hash over everything that had happened at the first one. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/16 "2019-01-27T03:47:01Z")
Yea, I don’t think there’s a good reason to tempt fate and hormones. Kids will do what they can get away with. In my experience with teens that’s a given. I have chaperoned a bunch of teen events and it gets real close to the knuckle sometimes. Some kids will test every boundary. I would never have had mixed sleepovers. When my oldest son had boys over I kept my girls out of the way. And the same with the girls sleepovers. IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/17 "2019-01-27T03:54:17Z")
A friend was talking to me about a camp for trans kids that he visited, and they grouped the kids by the gender they identify with. I asked him what they did by way of pregnancy prevention. He didn’t know. (Some of the kids were old enough for that to be an issue. I suppose the real answer was that they had six kids to a cabin, so no one really had the privacy for that.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/18 "2019-01-27T04:46:47Z")
We caught kids in clutches so much on the Band buses, on trips, we had to separate the genders. Girl bus, Boy bus. Shit still went on. One bandmember sneaked his girlfriend, a cheerleader on the boy bus. The cheer coach heads-upped us and we got her off. I don’t think they worry about privacy. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/19 "2019-01-27T05:48:48Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Well, as long as 3 people (any 3 people) are in the room, it would be hard for any 2 of them to have sex (consensual or not) without being detected, or at least, fear of being detected. If the house in question contains multiple rooms, pairs will migrate to those rooms. It could be a storage closet. I literally remember that happening one time and sadly it wasn’t me in there, but I remember it well. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2019, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467/20 "2019-01-27T08:02:05Z")
Some things that happened to me at sleepovers: ears pierced, legs shaved, snuck out and got caight by my friends older brother. Sprained my ankle, puked. Had to end up babysitting my friends baby brother cause she fell asleep. Watched a porn flick. Made prank calls. Did graffiti. Kissed a girl ( practice, no I didn’t like it). Smoked a cigarette or 2. Smoked weed. My friends Mom made us clean out the closet in her room, that was special fun. Rolled a neighbors yard. Went trick or treating with raw eggs. So you see shit happens on sleepovers. Most of these happened at my freinds house, her Dad was a pastor. Bad girl. I loved going over there.🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-s-your-opinion-on-mixed-gender-sleepovers-for-teenagers/828467.md?page=2)