# What Saddam Should Have Said **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402 "2003-12-16T21:47:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/41 "2003-12-17T18:48:49Z")
Congratulations, Saddam. You may already have won 10 million dollars! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/42 "2003-12-17T18:50:16Z")
Damned double posts. Second one today. :o ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/43 "2003-12-17T19:06:41Z")
err… I mean ‘Scare Tactics’. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/44 "2003-12-17T21:44:55Z")
Soldier: “Are you Saddam Hussein?” Saddam: “No, but I did just spend nine months in Holiday Inn Express Baghdad.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/45 "2003-12-17T22:02:10Z")
Soldier: Surrender! Saddam: I want to negotiate! Soldiers[mumbling amongst themselves]:Well, Saddam, we have some good news. Saddam: Ah! The steenking bastards will negotiate with me! Soldier: No, we just saved a whole bunch on camel insurance. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/46 "2003-12-17T22:25:18Z")
Qui-Gon Jinn: “The negotiations will be short.” Negotiate THIS! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/47 "2003-12-17T22:39:07Z")
1. “I found all the missing ballots!” Gore won!" 2. I really didn’t want to change my long distance company and this is the only place they won’t call. 3. Vote for Kucinich! 4. Lets see Paris Hilton do THIS! ---
**Author:** ![randomlyblanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@randomlyblanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomlyblanks)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/48 "2003-12-17T23:30:40Z")
I’m actually Ashton Kutcher and you’ve just been punk’d! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/49 "2003-12-17T23:34:10Z")
Saddam to soldier: “You are now free to move about the country.” ---
**Author:** ![SlickRoenick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SlickRoenick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlickRoenick)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/50 "2003-12-18T02:11:09Z")
Soldier: We’re taking you to see Captain Barbosa! Saddam: Parlay! ---
**Author:** ![No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/no_me_ayudes_compadre/32/5224_2.png) [@No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Me_Ayudes_Compadre)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/51 "2003-12-18T02:51:57Z")
“Al-Qaseltzer!” ---
**Author:** ![RobbieFal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c5a1d2/32.png) [@RobbieFal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobbieFal)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/52 "2003-12-18T04:52:56Z")
Saddam - “Hey guys, I got a grill in my hole, anybody want a hamburger?” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/53 "2003-12-18T05:48:10Z")
“You’re American? What are American soldiers doing here? Never mind…it’s not important. You’ve got to help me. One of my doubles locked me in this hut back in 1980 and we’ve got to stop him. The guy’s a complete psycho and there’s no telling what he’s been doing since he took over the country.” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/54 "2003-12-18T07:56:59Z")
“I made dead people.” ---
**Author:** ![xayoz306](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bc8723/32.png) [@xayoz306](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xayoz306)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/55 "2003-12-18T08:04:00Z")
**Saddam** “Finally, a chance to use a real toilet” “Can I finish watching my Pirates of the Caribbean DVD first?” “Hiding from you guys? No, my wife is the one I’m scared of. She has a bigger moustache than me” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/56 "2003-12-18T08:44:54Z")
Saddam: SHARUNNNN!! or… This better be good, you got me out of the shower! or… Oh good, my pizza’s here! or… Saddam: Back off! The weapons of mass destruction are hidden in my beard! Soldier: Do your worst. We know they’re only 1920s-style death rays. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/57 "2003-12-18T12:53:09Z")
can you hear me now? ---
**Author:** ![pierre72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@pierre72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pierre72)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/58 "2003-12-18T17:22:37Z")
“Did I beat David Blaine?” ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402/59 "2003-12-18T17:38:20Z")
ah, people! you’ve let me down. Sadam’s first words should have been _ **Gort! KLAATU BARADA NICKTO!** _ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-saddam-should-have-said/219402.md?page=2)