# What scam would you pull, were you a terrible person? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943 "2009-11-01T15:30:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/1 "2009-11-01T15:30:36Z")
I was just thinking that if I were inclined to be a total con artist, being a “pet psychic” would be an awesome gig. I know enough about animal handling and behavior to give some solid advice, I’m a decent enough writer to develop some extemporaneous fiction on the animal’s history based on known facts about current circumstances and behavior, and people will apparently shuck out stupid amounts of money over this business. I just did a vendor event where one of my neighbors was a “pet psychic” who charged $60 for a _thirty minute session_. She was busy all day long! So, Dopers, what shystery business do you have the skills for, had you a handful fewer scruples? ---
**Author:** ![Doody\_Pants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@Doody\_Pants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doody_Pants)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/2 "2009-11-01T15:34:05Z")
Ha! When I read the thread title I thought “Cold reading BS psychic!” We could be partners. You could read the pets and I could talk to Grandpa from beyond. … I’m seeing the letter R… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/3 "2009-11-01T15:35:21Z")
> [@Doody\_Pants](#): > > Ha! When I read the thread title I thought “Cold reading BS psychic!” > We could be partners. You could read the pets and I could talk to Grandpa from beyond. > > … I’m seeing the letter R… Better yet, you could ‘contact’ the _pets’_ ancestors! Who’s going to say you’re wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/4 "2009-11-01T15:54:05Z")
I could see myself doing a Madoff style Ponzi scheme. Of course once I got enough money to live on for the rest of my life I would book it to some tropical country and leave everyone else holding the bag. Jail is for suckers. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/5 "2009-11-01T16:07:20Z")
Fortune telling. I already have the “strange lady with kinda-sorta gypsy like looks” part down. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/6 "2009-11-01T16:48:35Z")
How terrible a person do you mean here? Are we talking about preying on little old ladies’ social security money, or stealing from multi-millionaire CEOs? Because to my mind, there is a difference. Stealing is stealing, to be sure, but is there anyplace you would draw the line? ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/7 "2009-11-01T17:09:23Z")
Well… not _too_ terrible. I was thinking more along the lines of “shystery business model” rather than truly evil. Like selling Monster Cables, or woo-woo energy crystals with a bit of fuzziness around dodgy investment schemes, faith healing and the like. This was intended to be MPSIMS-style, rather than, you know, proposals of truly criminal activity 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/8 "2009-11-01T17:20:46Z")
Ahh, so slightly immoral, although technically legal? In that case, I’d think I’d go for a pyramid scheme, something along the lines of Amway or Herbalife. Although I’d say those guy are quite a few rungs below pet psychics on the Morality Meter™ imho. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/9 "2009-11-01T17:29:07Z")
I 'd sell stuff to audiophiles. Being an electrical engineer, I could write way better technobabble than some of the companies in that industry do. And if they’re _pleased_ with their purchase - even though it doesn’t _do_ anything- how wrong can it be? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/10 "2009-11-01T17:36:08Z")
That reminds me of the movie where Judge Reinhold and his wife kidnap Bette Midler. I can’t think of the name. But early on in the movie he works in a stereo store and can’t bring himself to sell an expensive system to a teenage kid and his pregnant teenage wife/girlfriend. He’s too moral to sell retail! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/11 "2009-11-01T17:37:20Z")
Faith healer + head of a megachurch. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/12 "2009-11-01T17:39:31Z")
Ruthless People! “I’ve been kidnapped by K-mart.” ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/13 "2009-11-01T17:40:30Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > That reminds me of the movie where Judge Reinhold and his wife kidnap Bette Midler. I can’t think of the name. But early on in the movie he works in a stereo store and can’t bring himself to sell an expensive system to a teenage kid and his pregnant teenage wife/girlfriend. He’s too moral to sell retail! 😛 [Ruthless People](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091877/), a movie I had forgotten existed. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/14 "2009-11-01T18:00:02Z")
I’ve always thought that with just a little bit more cynicism in me I would sell religion. Back when I was a believer it was often mentioned that I could deliver a very inspirational message. ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/15 "2009-11-01T18:25:59Z")
One step further than **Khadaji** ’s suggestion… Invent a religion. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/16 "2009-11-01T23:13:27Z")
> [@bluecanary](#): > > One step further than **Khadaji** ’s suggestion… Invent a religion. Eh, it’s too hard to make real money with that, though. (Scientology’s the exception, not the rule). You’re better off trying to start a mega-church. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/17 "2009-11-01T23:43:38Z")
Dietary supplements. 1. Mix up anything you want. It doesn’t have to taste good, but it should be edible, as in not made of poison. 2. Claim it makes people lose weight, or enlarges men’s penises. 3. Profit. As long as you have that well-known disclaimer “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration,” you’re golden. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/18 "2009-11-01T23:48:36Z")
I guess it would be an advance fee scam or some other email-based fraud. Because turning me into a terrible person would not necessarily equip me with the balls to defraud people face to face. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2009, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/19 "2009-11-01T23:59:55Z")
I don’t really think I could make it in the fast-paced world of fraud - I’m just an awful liar and not a good people person. I’d certainly have to do something that isn’t face to face, like advance fee fraud. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/20 "2009-11-02T01:46:48Z")
Yeah, see, there’s the rub–in order to pull off that kind of job, I’d have to suddenly be infused with the abiliity to flat-out lie to someone. Face-to-face. I know about animals and could help them solve their problems… but I’m just not the kind of person that can lie to someone and take their money even if it accomplishes exactly what the person wants to accomplish in the end. As a dog trainer, they’d want to pay me $20 a month and drag themselves to class. As a “pet psychic”, they’d throw $120 an hour at me… but I just don’t have the sufficient sleaze to legally defraud. Ah well, good thing I like my job 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943.md?page=2)