# What scam would you pull, were you a terrible person? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943 "2009-11-01T15:30:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/41 "2009-11-02T19:59:17Z")
> [@NajaNivea](#): > > So, Dopers, what shystery business do you have the skills for, had you a handful fewer scruples? I’d start a religous cult. I have an ugly suspicion that it wouldn’t be all that hard. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/42 "2009-11-02T20:28:54Z")
Starting a religion is too slow and may never payoff. I’d be more inclined to just use that good ol’time religion, and hit the revival circuit, selling salvation and passing the hat, Amen. I’ve got the charisma and public speaking skills to pull it off. Just can’t seem to get myself over the sleeze factor part of it. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/43 "2009-11-02T20:36:27Z")
CEO of a major Wall Street firm. When times are good, make lots of money. When times are bad, the government bails you out. It’s win-win! ---
**Author:** ![maleinblack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@maleinblack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maleinblack)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/44 "2009-11-02T21:34:47Z")
PC Optimizer. ---
**Author:** ![Textual\_Intercourse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Textual\_Intercourse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Textual_Intercourse)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/45 "2009-11-02T21:39:35Z")
> [@bluecanary](#): > > One step further than **Khadaji** ’s suggestion… Invent a religion. L. Ron ftw. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/46 "2009-11-03T19:46:59Z")
> [@Tenebras](#): > > Get some official looking letterhead and start mailing out invoices for mundane stuff like “office supplies.” Some of them will just get paid because A/P aren’t paying attention and, hey, we bought some office supplies, right? Diabolical. Don’t forget the copier paper and toner, that stuff adds up. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/47 "2009-11-03T20:19:55Z")
The one thing I see on Facebook that annoys the hell out of me: ads for DNA tests to detemine if you can get diabetes. Who would pay $200 for that? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/48 "2009-11-03T20:23:06Z")
Gigolo. ---
**Author:** ![by-tor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/by-tor/32/266_2.png) [@by-tor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/by-tor)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/49 "2009-11-04T18:11:10Z")
Psychologist, any school. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/50 "2009-11-04T18:32:10Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Ruthless People! > > “I’ve been kidnapped by K-mart.” After her husband won’t pay the ransom (because he doesn’t want her back), they lower their ransom demand, and she says, “I’ve been _marked down!_” I would never do this of course, but I’ve pondered how hard it would be to sell some kind of “diet aid” sugar pill through the teeny-print ads in tabloids and creepy magazines. Some kind of product where people would be embarrassed to ask for their money back (wasn’t that a plotline in some recentish gangster movie, where they needed to raise a lot of money in a hurry?). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/51 "2009-11-04T18:55:26Z")
> [@NajaNivea](#): > > I was just thinking that if I were inclined to be a total con artist, being a “pet psychic” would be an awesome gig. I know enough about animal handling and behavior to give some solid advice, I’m a decent enough writer to develop some extemporaneous fiction on the animal’s history based on known facts about current circumstances and behavior, and people will apparently shuck out stupid amounts of money over this business. > I just did a vendor event where one of my neighbors was a “pet psychic” who charged $60 for a _thirty minute session_. She was busy all day long! My uncle came up with a similar scheme, requiring one to be only a moderately bad person: 1. Take out adspace in all the tabloids and wack-a-doodle publications you can find. 2. Place ads reading, “IS YOUR PET PSYCHIC? Send $10, a photo of your pet, and a self-addressed stamped envelope. We will send you a report on your pet’s psychic abilities, if any.” 3. Tell the truth: fill every return envelope that comes in with a letter reading, “We regret to inform you that your pet is not psychic.” 4. Profit! ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/52 "2009-11-04T18:57:09Z")
It’s been said but applies to me too. If I were a truly terrible, unethical person I would go into the religion business. Maybe do a religious broadcast or start my own church (free money + no taxes = excellent.) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/53 "2009-11-06T05:35:07Z")
1.) I knew someone who seriously told me she was going back to school to become a “healer” because she had a “gift”. Sounds like a perfect scam. 2.) My father went to see a back-manipulator person who worked by not-quite touching his back. (I asked if it would work over the telephone.) A non-touching chiropractor would be another perfect scam. 3.) Telephone psychic. Wouldn’t ever have to leave the couch. 4.) Telephone sex. Again, wouldn’t have to leave the couch. I would have to get really really drunk first, though. 5.) Life Coach - what’s the deal with that? I’m great at telling people what they should be doing with their lives! I guess it wouldn’t even be a scam! 6.) Dominatrix - Someone pays me to order them to service me? And lick my floor clean? And I get to use a whip? And who doesn’t love leather? 7.) I saw an ad from a therapist who will see you while walking around our city’s favorite exercise lake path (similar to Central Park reservoir path). It’s a 45-50 minute walk. So she gets to have her exercise and get paid for it, too. This would also work with #1,2,3,4 & 5 above, especially with cell phones. Not so much #6. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/54 "2009-11-06T05:54:51Z")
Probably a peddlar of Higher Consciousness, based on relatively superficial knowledge of Greek mystery schools, western Hermeticism, and herbal pharmacology. ---
**Author:** ![DETXL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/detxl/32/19366_2.png) [@DETXL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DETXL)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/55 "2009-11-06T06:00:40Z")
Many of you, when the Rapture comes, will be assumed into heaven and thus unable to communicate to other people, such as myself, who are not so fortunate. I understand this will be a great burden to you. For a nominal fee, however (and really, what price can you put on peace of mind?), you may give us a short letter–not to exceed one page–and the address to which it is destined. These will be digitally transcribed using high-tech computer optics [Fry’s was having a sale on scanners] and stored in a multiply-redundant system at a state of the art computing facility [Amazon cloud storage ftw]. This means your letter can never be damaged or lost! When the Rapture occurs, your letter will be faithfully reproduced using the power of digital technology coupled to our very own laser-equipped printing system, and we will make every effort to deliver it to its intended recipient. No guarantees can be made, of course, what with the likely breakdown of communications, widespread rioting, et. al. However, our highly-trained [we make sure they have “The Postman” on DVD] couriers will give their all to make sure your loved ones are reassured of your ongoing life with Jesus, and hopefully suitably contrite about the tribulations they are about to go through. Only $20 per letter. For an additional $5 “premium” service, your letter will be digitally remastered and then analysed with our own, proprietary sorting algorithms using a quad-processor computing device in order to make sure the letter can be presorted into the appropriate geographic location for rapid delivery when The Time comes. It’s a bargain, really. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/56 "2009-11-06T06:05:15Z")
> [@DETXL](#): > > Many of you, when the Rapture comes, will be assumed into heaven and thus unable to communicate to other people, such as myself, who are not so fortunate. I understand this will be a great burden to you. > > For a nominal fee, however (and really, what price can you put on peace of mind?), you may give us a short letter–not to exceed one page–and the address to which it is destined. These will be digitally transcribed using high-tech computer optics [Fry’s was having a sale on scanners] and stored in a multiply-redundant system at a state of the art computing facility [Amazon cloud storage ftw]. This means your letter can never be damaged or lost! When the Rapture occurs, your letter will be faithfully reproduced using the power of digital technology coupled to our very own laser-equipped printing system, and we will make every effort to deliver it to its intended recipient. No guarantees can be made, of course, what with the likely breakdown of communications, widespread rioting, et. al. However, our highly-trained [we make sure they have “The Postman” on DVD] couriers will give their all to make sure your loved ones are reassured of your ongoing life with Jesus, and hopefully suitably contrite about the tribulations they are about to go through. > > Only $20 per letter. For an additional $5 “premium” service, your letter will be digitally remastered and then analysed with our own, proprietary sorting algorithms using a quad-processor computing device in order to make sure the letter can be presorted into the appropriate geographic location for rapid delivery when The Time comes. > > It’s a bargain, really. Can I pay on delivery? ---
**Author:** ![DETXL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/detxl/32/19366_2.png) [@DETXL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DETXL)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/57 "2009-11-06T06:20:28Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Can I pay on delivery? Unfortunately, due to the highly-advanced technology involved–your letter will analysed and sorted using processors built to 45-_nanometre_ specifications (that’s two thousand times smaller than a human hair!)–we regret to inform you that we cannot accept post-Rapture payments. Also, it’s possible the moneylenders will all have shut down, and we need to be able to pay our deliverymen after all. Cash is preferred. Precious metals are also acceptable. For you, though, I make nice special price! 20% discount for the first five letters! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/58 "2009-11-06T14:20:45Z")
I read people very easily, so I could be a psychic. ---
**Author:** ![SMullen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@SMullen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SMullen)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/59 "2009-11-06T17:01:05Z")
I’m surprised that no one has spoken up on behalf of psychics. People seem to equate being psychic to being a scam artist. I realize that some people who claim psychic ability could be lying. But not all of them are. That includes animal communicators. I’ve experienced psychic phenomena myself. I don’t seem to have a lot of control over when I experience it, and many people _really_ don’t want to hear about it when I do. And I don’t understand how anyone could use any of his or her gifts to hurt others, including stealing from or cheating others. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/60 "2009-11-06T17:26:09Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > 7.) I saw an ad from a therapist who will see you while walking around our city’s favorite exercise lake path (similar to Central Park reservoir path). It’s a 45-50 minute walk. So she gets to have her exercise and get paid for it, too. This would also work with #1,2,3,4 & 5 above, especially with cell phones. Not so much #6. The rest of your ideas are deliciously sleazy, but I just wanted to say that this here is a not-scammy great idea which never would have occurred to me–marketing yourself as [whatever] +incidental exercise. > [@DETXL](#): > > Many of you, when the Rapture comes, will be assumed into heaven and thus unable to communicate to other people, such as myself, who are not so fortunate. I understand this will be a great burden to you. > > For a nominal fee, however… > > It’s a bargain, really. I friggen’ _love_ the concept of Rapture-related services, especially the “team of atheists who care for subscribed pets” bunch. Brilliant! > [@SMullen](#): > > I’m surprised that no one has spoken up on behalf of psychics. People seem to equate being psychic to being a scam artist. I realize that some people who claim psychic ability could be lying. But not all of them are. That includes animal communicators. I’ve experienced psychic phenomena myself. I don’t seem to have a lot of control over when I experience it, and many people _really_ don’t want to hear about it when I do. And I don’t understand how anyone could use any of his or her gifts to hurt others, including stealing from or cheating others. … \ … \ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943.md?page=4)