# What scam would you pull, were you a terrible person? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943 "2009-11-01T15:30:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/61 "2009-11-06T18:04:29Z")
> [@SMullen](#): > > I’ve experienced psychic phenomena myself. I don’t seem to have a lot of control over when I experience it, and many people _really_ don’t want to hear about it when I do. People are generally uncomfortable with mental illness. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/62 "2009-11-06T18:36:42Z")
Shortly after college I did some temp work in a bank. This was in a rural little community in southwestern Missouri. So back there in the employees-only area, but otherwise in a central location, was this machine to manually stamp money orders and cashier’s checks. Next to the machine was a stack of blank money orders. I passed that machine multiple times a day. I knew how to work the machine, as I’d had to use it in the course of my job a time or two. I went through the safety protocols in my head, trying to see what means they employed to keep employees from stealing money orders. I could think of none. There wasn’t even a security camera pointed at it! I figured that in a best-case scenario, I could make off with half a million and be in Mexico before anyone even realized anything was amiss. Of course, I never gave the idea any kind of real consideration. ---
**Author:** ![SMullen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@SMullen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SMullen)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/63 "2009-11-06T19:40:22Z")
> [@Rex\_Goliath](#): > > People are generally uncomfortable with mental illness. I suppose I was leaving myself open for this comment, and for the “crickets” comment. I hope people are more considerate towards their friends and family members who have psychic gifts. I can’t think of anything else to say that would not provoke further negative comments. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/64 "2009-11-06T20:17:38Z")
> [@SMullen](#): > > I suppose I was leaving myself open for this comment, and for the “crickets” comment. I hope people are more considerate towards their friends and family members who have psychic gifts. I can’t think of anything else to say that would not provoke further negative comments. I know I am extremely considerate of every single person I have ever met with psychic powers. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/65 "2009-11-06T20:20:30Z")
Two areas I see a lot of tomfoolery are in life coaching and in (of course) the occult. Since having a niche means less competition, and thus higher prices, I’d like to establish a niche by combining the two. And why get a life coach when you can get a MAGICAL life coach that can perform spells on your behalf? Since I know a lot about mythology, I’d tie in lots of different world religions… plus probably make up some new ones if I thought I could get away with it. I’d offer premium services like: - Casting the runes to help you determine what to do in major life decisions like whether or not to have another child - Choosing an occupation for you based on your handwriting. Neat and tidy, no flourish? Accountant. Curvy yet impeccable? School teacher. Sloppy and unreadable? Doctor. - Consulting with the Five Ancient Powers of Minokulielkixxa about whether or not your thread of destiny includes that job you have an interview for (or, heck, see in the want ads). Why actually interview for a job that fate says you won’t get? I’d also be sure to include lots of mottos. People like mottos. I’d use them to help motivate people and shit, like “The greatest magic of all is a focused mind” and “In nature, it’s two choices: determination or extermination”. I probably wouldn’t even call myself a life coach, I’d make up something really impressive sounding, like a “Universe Navigation Companion Guide”. Then I’d charge some ridiculous sum of money. It’d be sweet. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/66 "2009-11-06T20:26:35Z")
[QUOTE=flight] I know I am extremely considerate of every single person I have ever met with psychic powers. [/QUOTE] 😃 > [@fluiddruid](#): > > …“In nature, it’s two choices: determination or extermination”. I probably wouldn’t even call myself a life coach, I’d make up something really impressive sounding, like a “Universe Navigation Companion Guide”. > > Then I’d charge some ridiculous sum of money. It’d be sweet. You are going to be _stupid_ rich. …just don’t mess it up by parboiling a handful of hippies in a sweat lodge… ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/67 "2009-11-06T21:11:03Z")
> [@NajaNivea](#): > > …just don’t mess it up by parboiling a handful of hippies in a sweat lodge… Nah, sweat lodges cost money. I’ll make them _visualize_ a sweat lodge. You know, while they’re sipping their latte at Starbucks or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/68 "2009-11-06T22:18:15Z")
What do you mean “were you a terrible person?” As long as I don’t have to sell anything (or have anything inserted into me) I’m in. > [@SMullen](#): > > many people _really_ don’t want to hear about it when I do I’d be very happy to hear about your psychic experiences. Just send me $19.95, an audio recording (preferably mp3) and a SASE and I’ll return a list of computer-generated entities that MAY be trying to contact you. > [@HeyHomie](#): > > I figured that in a best-case scenario, I could make off with half a million and be in Mexico before anyone even realized anything was amiss. > > Of course, I never gave the idea any kind of real consideration. So how are you liking Cancun? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/69 "2009-11-06T22:29:46Z")
I wouldn’t consider all the holistic healers as scamers. Some of them truly believe what they are doing has healing properties. To be considered a scammer, the person would have to know the treatment was false and would be willingly conning the other people. A scam I would pull would be to setup a charity called something like “Survivor Children of Firefighters Fund” and do tons of telemarketing for donations. Send 1% to the children and keep 99% for myself. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2009, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/70 "2009-11-06T22:53:00Z")
I assure you, I have equal respect for pet psychics who believe in their own abilities vs. those who are fully aware that they are expensive pet trainers with good improv skills. Similarly so for faith healers who fall on either side of the line for believing their own schtick. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/71 "2009-11-07T02:07:17Z")
> [@SMullen](#): > > I’m surprised that no one has spoken up on behalf of psychics. People seem to equate being psychic to being a scam artist. I realize that some people who claim psychic ability could be lying. But not all of them are. That includes animal communicators. I’ve experienced psychic phenomena myself. I don’t seem to have a lot of control over when I experience it, and many people _really_ don’t want to hear about it when I do. And I don’t understand how anyone could use any of his or her gifts to hurt others, including stealing from or cheating others. Find my earlier thread entitled “Ask the fortuneteller”. It’s not as easy as some people think to make a lot of money in that business. Virtually every successfull professional reader has a lawyer on retainer (our equivalent of malpractice insurance I suppose) and that is a major overhead expense. Plus there are other extra security concerns (the potential danger of mentally unstable or criminal clients) that add to overhead. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/72 "2009-11-07T03:57:01Z")
> [@SMullen](#): > > I hope people are more considerate towards their friends and family members who have psychic gifts. I’d be more than considerate. I’d be ecstatic, the biggest cheerleader they’ve ever had in their lives. Hell, I’d be so considerate, I’d knock my finder’s fee on that $1,000,000 JREF prize down to a measly 20%. Seeing as how they’re family and all… ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/73 "2009-11-07T14:17:11Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Virtually every successfull professional reader has a lawyer on retainer (our equivalent of malpractice insurance I suppose) and that is a major overhead expense. Plus there are other extra security concerns (the potential danger of mentally unstable or criminal clients) that add to overhead. [Linkity-link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=528597). Hey, thanks for the heads-up, I’d missed that thread! I was gonna ask a couple follow-up questions, but I suppose I should go peruse that thread, first 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/74 "2009-11-07T14:34:29Z")
I’d probably go for some kind of psychic “read the future” gig. My particular brand of talent would only be able to read things at least five years in the future. By the time anyone could validate one of my predictions, I’d be retired. And by sheer weight of probability, some of them would come true _early_, and I’d write a book about those. Failing that, I’d become Nigerian. > [@SMullen](#): > > I’m surprised that no one has spoken up on behalf of psychics. People seem to equate being psychic to being a scam artist. I realize that some people who claim psychic ability could be lying. But not all of them are. They’re not all scam artists. As for the lying, some are lying to other people, and some are lying to themselves. If a person with real psychic ability existed, he or she would have snapped up the million bucks from Randi’s prize, toured every TV talk or “news” show on the air, and would be “consulting” for thousands of dollars per hour. Alas, there is no such thing as a person with psychic abilities. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/75 "2009-11-07T15:18:15Z")
Hey, nice thread **ZPG Zealot** , thanks for starting it! I get the same sense from you that I was thinking of with my OP… I could help people doing it, but unlike you I definitely couldn’t pull off the schtick in any sort of believable way, mostly because _I wouldn’t believe it. I also agree that you’re just as qualified as many religious counselors or even a lot of counselor/therapists in general, just with better props ;). I just couldn’t, personally, get over that at some point I’d have to lie to clients, or lead them right up to and allow them to believe in an untruth… and especially that I’d have to create a persona that has everyone around me thinking that I_ believe in psychic phenomena and that’s why I can tell you why Muffy is peeing outside the litter box ever since your new boyfriend moved in. Question: what’s the lawyer on retainer for? Is it mostly for harassment issues like you’d mentioned with the local fundies? Or to protect you from clients who want to sue you? Or do you just kinda tend to run into general “legal issues” more frequently as a fortune-teller? ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/76 "2009-11-07T19:01:52Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > They’re not all scam artists. As for the lying, some are lying to other people, and some are lying to themselves. If a person with real psychic ability existed, he or she would have snapped up the million bucks from Randi’s prize, toured every TV talk or “news” show on the air, and would be “consulting” for thousands of dollars per hour. > > Alas, there is no such thing as a person with psychic abilities. piffle, that’d be petty cash. Better to remain anonymous and make billions on the stock market and sports bets. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/77 "2009-11-08T07:26:26Z")
I don’t understand how the hell the people involved in the **[Absolute Poker](http://www.absolutepokerscandal.com/)** scam could have fucked up such easy money. Alternate between playing for real/cheating 2-to-1. Play something under the radar. $20 SNGs, 50NL, 100NL, 20 tournaments. You'd never even have to win. Just place in the money and you'd never make the spotlight. Use your first double up to buy Pokertracker figure out a /hour you were comfy with and go nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/78 "2009-11-08T07:36:33Z")
In Stephen Keshner’s incredible book _Cockpit_ he talks about a scheme that a friend of his came up with when the pilots were stopped in Malaysia. Apparently they have some kind of religious superstition involving holy water there; people will pay for jugs of water that have been “blessed” by the proper religious authority. This guy in the book just sold jugs of regular tap water to women in exchange for sexual favors. There was no blessing, there was nothing special about the water whatsoever. But gullible women were willing to fuck him for it. ---
**Author:** ![foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9a140/32.png) [@foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolscap)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/79 "2009-11-08T21:13:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Gigolo. Its a cushy job, but someone has to do it:rolleyes::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943/80 "2009-11-09T04:01:15Z")
Get people to give me money for the fight against [dihydrogen monoxide.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw) Actually, I wouldn’t have to become terrible to do that. Just clever enough to get away with it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-scam-would-you-pull-were-you-a-terrible-person/515943.md?page=5)