I tend to fear the unknown more than the known. When I was diagnosed with cancer and the doctor said I’d have to have chemotherapy and monoclonal antibody treatments, I was scared spitless. I told him to start ASAP. Once I had the first treatment, I was fine.
My fears don’t make sense to me. I’ve competed in a rodeo, rappelled 100+ feet down into a cave, had nasty car accidents, and generally been fine. The times I’ve been most frightened in life?
When I was a teenager, I was riding a horse along a narrow rocky ridge with dropoffs on both sides. A surprise storm came in out of nowhere, and lightning struck less than 100 feet from me. The horse freaked out, and all I could do was hold on tight and hope it didn’t go off the edge. I was TERRIFIED.
When I was snorkeling in Hawaii, I had been 5 to 30 foot-deep water all week. All of a sudden one day, I came over an underwater precipice, and the water was REALLY deep. I couldn’t see the bottom, and there was nothing straight ahead. Unless I turned around, there was just nothingness as far as I could see. I had a major-league panic attack. Unlike the horse/lightning episode, I have no idea why. I’ve never had agoraphobia problems. I’m fine in a small boat in thousand-foot-deep water. But that really grabbed me and terrified me. I just couldn’t get back to that shallow water fast enough.
If someone pointed a loaded gun at me and really meant it, I’d probably piss myself.
Generally, everything scares me… but I’ve been putting the screws to this notion and it appears that the thing I really fear the most is my own potential. I get nervous about things that I should be excited about, because of the potential they have to transform my life. I’m getting good and learning to transform all that nervous energy, though. I used to just quit things that scared me. Now I push through. I’m not any less afraid, just more willing to carry on anyhow.
I’m really, really terrified of being caught up in a “big misunderstanding” situation (along the lines of the “niggardly” guy) that ruins me personally and/or professionally, all because of a stupid misunderstanding and not because of anything I did wrong. I’ve been caught in a situation like that before (on a completely minor, interpersonal level) and it’s the most infuriating and powerless feeling in the world - where everyone’s against you and calling for your head because of their own misunderstanding or misconception - and there’s nothing you can do about it other than to just cut your losses and surrender.
Are you seriously, honestly scared of telephones? I’m talking about fears that really render you incapable of taking proper action. Are you telling me you *never *use the telephone?
Kairos, bravo. You’ve nailed it. This is the answer to the question I didn’t know I wanted to ask. I need to change my life and get rid of that right there, and I didn’t even know it was a problem until you just mentioned it. Fuck it. Fuck it all to hell! Stop being afraid of all those things that cramp my life! Fuck it all and just live, live like a madman! I thought I wasn’t afraid of anything, but I was, and you nailed it.
Now that you’ve pointed out my fears, I can overcome them. Thank you, Kairos! If I ever become Emperor of the World, you can have America.
Me too! It’s just… If I think about it, I start hyperventilating and have to change the subject. Which is why I never liked C.J. Cherryh’s Morgaine books. The idea of the two protagonists going on *forever * gives me the absolute willies.
Hmm. Gross deformities not conducive to life – which is why I never, ever want to go to the Mutter Museum. Gruesome horrors inna jars, shudder. That plus Stephen King are why I never, ever, want to get knocked up, by the way. Too many things that could go horribly wrong. twitchtwitch
Ah, yes, because as someone who is terrified of action I would make such a wonderful ruler.
But, seriously, it’s a huge thing to realize, and a huge thing to overcome. I was bemoaning my “oh so horrible” life to my therapist, woe is me, I have no motivation, I sit at home and cry, isn’t this terrible…and she just looked at me and said “It sounds like you’re scared of living.” I just sat there and gaped like a fish. Well, gee, I’d never thought about it quite like that before.
Good luck in overcoming your fear in the most brilliant and joyful way possible.
I’ll start by planning an expedition from the west coast of New Zealand to the East (I’ve already made a list of supplies and their weights). I’ve never done anything like it, so I’ll do a little one first (maybe in Colorado during winter). Then it’s off to NZ! Well, first my boss has to give me some vacation…
Starfish. My mom and I went to an aquarium a couple months ago and she dragged me to the starfish tank. One of them flailed its little arm, and I shrieked and leapt away from the tank. People stared. My mom laughed until she cried.
And zombies. Sometimes I get nervous walking around in the evening because I wouldn’t be able to see one coming from the shadows. I wasn’t scarred in childhood or anything. I hadn’t even seen a zombie flick in my life until this year. And it was Night of The Living Dead, for Pete’s sake.
Snakes - the way they move creeps me the heck out. I’ve seen a few killer snakes in the wild and let me tell you, those were not good days.
Big Spiders - I don’t have a huge problem with the smaller ones. I actually caught a female black widow at one point (worked in a grocery store a while back, one came in the bananas) and I was a bit cautious but strangely, fine. Someone I once knew had a Goliath Birdeater and I wouldn’t go in the house if it was out of it’s aquarium.
Heights - this one hit me recently and I was quite surprised because I used to be really good with heights. I was at a party about a month or two ago and we were on the top of their apartment building and when I looked over the edge, I almost passed out.
Lightening - I’ve been scared of it as long as I can remember. I don’t know why.
The Ocean - something bad happens every time I’ve swam in it and I figure it’s trying to tell me something so I won’t go in it anymore. Something snapped at my foot the first time (don’t know what), got stung by a regular jellyfish the second and third time.
Needles. I hate injections, always look away. I manage to give blood, but I have never once seen the needle in my arm. I tell the phlebotomist that if my eyes are closed it’s not because I passed out, but because I want to be sure I don’t see the needle.
Fire- Of all the ways to be hurt or killed, fire would be the worst. I’d jump from a high window before I’d burn. I figure that when I splat on the pavement I won’t hardly notice it, but with fire I might have time to feel the pain.
Alzheimers- Becoming mindless and confused is worst of all.
Besides the fear that I’ll never amount to anything?
I’m really, truly afraid of strong winds. Do you remember being really little, maybe four or five, and feeling completely hopelessly terrified that something bad under your bed or in your closet was going to get you? Wind instills that level of fear in me now. I can tell you exactly when the wind hits 35mph and my fear grows exponentially as it gets windier than that. If it hits 70 I start to worry about the house being pushed off the foundation.
This fear has a clear genesis, though. One day when I was a senior in high school (and living alone in the house my parents were in the process of selling) it got really windy. There was a tremendous crash. Upon investigation, I found that half a tree had harpooned the roof of the front room, which fortunately had been an addition to the house. I’ve been afraid of wind ever since. Watching trees sway in the wind makes my stomach turn, too.
