# What Secret Service Code Name Would YOU Give These People? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 17, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565 "2015-09-17T15:11:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/1 "2015-09-17T15:11:53Z")
Look, They opened the door on this. Last night we learned what they’d call themselves as Secret Service Code Names: \*\*Chris Christie: True Heart Carly Fiorina: Secretariat, after the Triple Crown-winning horse Scott Walker: Harley, for his love of motorcycles Jeb Bush: Everready, a type of battery because it’s “high energy” Ben Carson: One Nation Ted Cruz: Cohiba, a type of Cuban cigar Marco Rubio: Gator, after the University of Florida sports team Mike Huckabee: Duck Hunter Rand Paul: Justice Never Sleeps Donald Trump: Humble \*\* * * * My idea for this thread is to let people give their own Secret Service names to those folks, and with an explanation if they would like to give one as to why. I’ll go first: **Chris Christie: SCARF FACE** Seriously, after shouting down an elderly woman with “Sweet Heart” you want to go with “True Heart”? Are You Fucking Serious!? I’m a Constituent and you haven’t done jack Shit to win My vote. honestly, MY vote wouldn’t have been too hard to win, but you bent over for the Construction Interests, F-cked My State over, and now you want to be President!? Save those Watery Big Eyes for when the cameras are on. I Got News For You, BEAV… Your Shit Isn’t Cutting It, and I don’t care HOW many Kirsten Dunst re-runs you’re watching on HBO. Work first, Collect second. Remember NJ? Work first, Collect second. _ **Leave The Campaign, Govern The State** _ \*\*Carly Fiorina: Empty Chair. \*\* Hi, Carly. Remember all those Conference Calls where you did Nothing while Loud Mouth Salesmen ran the company ragged? Remember when they wanted to recognize revenue "early’ to bump their bonuses? Remember what you said? That’s right, YOU SAID NOTHING. You and the Rich McGinn Yes-Whores said Nothing. You emailed “top female execs” after to talk it up though. And when LEGAL SHOVED IT BACK UP THE COMPANY’S ASS? You said nothing then either. You have a Real Nice History of laying people off “to cut expenses” outsourcing American jobs “to cut costs” and disappearing into the wings with a nice Golden Parachute while your car service takes you home. Bitch, I Wouldn’t Elect You To Wipe My Ass. Wait, wait… you want to blame me for what you look like outside? News Flash: You’re Too Fucking Ugly Inside to even worry about the Outside. **Scott Walker: No Honor.** Remember when you said that what you were doing as governor would never affect Union pensions? Remember how, after it was passed, you IMMEDIATELY killed off the Union pensions? Scott, not only would I NEVER vote for you, but if there IS a Hell, I hope you’re chained to a wall with food 3 feet out of reach with some wimpy greasy faced scumbag rationalizing WHY to you for all fucking eternity. **Jeb Bush: TAINTED.** I really don’t care if there is pun (because you ARE and ASSHOLE) but your defense of Smug-Pug George the Head-Jug is Unacceptable. 'I just remember my brother kept us safe"? Hey, FLAT HEAD… I’ve been watching the news too & there isn’t ONE OG-DAMN THING your brother did EVER that made us safer today. Going the Cheney Route? Fine, Have At It. Shove some D-Cells up your ass while your at it. **Ben Carson: One Back Bone** I want to believe, but I KNOW its a lie. If I’m going to vote for a Liar, I’d rather it be on Merit and not Guilt. **Ted Cruz: DOOBIE** Smoke 'Em While You Got 'Em, eh? Your little podium dance & prance is what it means to be Cuban? I was Right a year ago: “Me? Run for President? A Dolt-Dolt-Dolt-Dolt-Dolt…! Ahhh-Yay-ah. Ima Catch Me a Presidency!!!” Not On Your Best Day, Ted. **Marco Rubio: Warmonger** Oh, I can hear it now: We’re going to attack Cuba by surprise and Keep On Attacking until Everyone There Is Dead! Then, we’ll dust off these old deeds and we can change your Secret Service name to “Alexa Hente”. If you are a Gator, then somewhere there is a Red Neck who needs new Hip Waders. Hope your hide is water proof. **Mike Huckabee: Duck Fumb** _Speaking Of Shit heads Who Might Need New Water-Proof Hip Waders_ Mike, so you want to go to jail to keep gay people who love each other from getting married? Weeeeeell, you don’t have to be president to do that. I can’t think of a single reason why you should ever be President, let alone why we should let you push yourself on the office or on America. OK, duck hunter… grab your ankles… _PULL…!_ **Rand Paul: Rabies** [Justice Never Sleeps?](http://www.allegedlydave.com/articles/chitty1.jpg) Same thing, Curly-Cue. I trust you less than I can throw you. IF I threw you, I’d trust you less than how far I could get your nose to stick into a wall. PS- Don’t Tempt Me: I KNOW I could get it to stick. **Donald Trump: AIR-HORN** Sorry, The Donald. At any football game there is always ONE person with an Air-Horn who blows it to annoy, distract, and generally be an asshole. Sadly, that is You. Look… its a Talent… be happy with it as a talent. Am I pissed you started to say you knew people whose kids caught Autism from vaccines? You’re Fucking Right I Am. But, I also give you credit for three seconds later back tracking to Ben Carson’s position that they need to be spread out more and not done all in one shot. The Donald? You Are an Air-Horn… but sometimes you have good instincts. We should talk. Again. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/2 "2015-09-17T15:40:44Z")
Christie: Cheeseburger ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/3 "2015-09-17T15:43:19Z")
Given that this thread seems to be less of an idle game and more inclined toward political commentary on the candidates, I’m shuffling it off to Elections. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/4 "2015-09-17T15:52:04Z")
Huckabee - Hillbilly Trump - Squirrel! (to reflect both hair and attention span) ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/5 "2015-09-17T15:59:50Z")
A bit ticked off at the lineup, OP? And why leave out the undercard? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/6 "2015-09-17T16:06:34Z")
I’m surprised Christie mentioned his heart at all, given the condition it must be in. Also: “Justice Never Sleeps”? That’s not a codename; that’s a sentence. The Secret Service won’t want to have to rattle that off endlessly when dealing with your personal security, you idiot. Might as well call yourself “Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo chari bari-ruchi pip peri pembo” while you’re at it. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/7 "2015-09-17T16:12:14Z")
**Chris Christie: Dockworker, Jersey Scum** **Carly Fiorina: The Mask** **Scott Walker: Velveeta** **Jeb Bush: Third Time** Third times the harm **Ben Carson: Madonna** Like A Surgeon **Ted Cruz: Granpa Munster** He looks like [Al Lewis](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/ea/Al_Lewis_01.jpg/220px-Al_Lewis_01.jpg) **Mike Huckabee: God Botherer, Wrong Way** [The Way](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Way_International) **Marco Rubio:** \*\*Rand Paul: \*\* Earl Grey **Donald Trump: Hairpiece** ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/8 "2015-09-17T16:12:43Z")
Christie- CookieMonster Fiorina- SheBitch Walker- TheInvisibleMan Jeb- Fredo Carson- Dr.Coz Kruz- CowPie Rubio- ElLoco Trump- Orangutan Huckabee- NutterButter Paul- Spaz ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/9 "2015-09-17T16:15:33Z")
Trump’s code name would, of course, be Trump. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/10 "2015-09-17T16:19:58Z")
Christie - Trollbridge Fiorina - Paperjam Walker - Duncecap Jeb - Legacy Carson - Amygdala Cruz - Shutdown Rubio - Babalu Trump - Blowhard Huckabee - Thumper Paul - Bathtub ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/11 "2015-09-17T16:20:40Z")
Christie- Tubby Fiorina- Saltpeter Walker- BB Brain Jeb- Rerun Carson- Whisper Cruz- McCarthy Rubio- Babyface Trump- LocoGringo Huckabee- Ayatollah Paul- Haskell ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/12 "2015-09-17T16:30:16Z")
That was such a stupid question. If it was designed to show them being fun and human, most of them failed. The only answers I liked were from Rubio, Trump, and Bush. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/13 "2015-09-17T17:02:29Z")
More a Pit thread with the name calling. I’ll move it over there. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/14 "2015-09-17T17:04:51Z")
Christie- Jumbo Fiorina- Downsize Walker- Recall Jeb- John Carson- Somnolent Cruz- Canadian Rubio- Polo Trump- Whatever it is, it’ll be the best codename ever (I favor “Hirsute”) Huckabee- Cooter Paul- Ayn (And what about Kasich? He said “Unit Two” at the debate. I vote “wanker”) ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/15 "2015-09-17T17:15:32Z")
Chris Christie: Butt crack Carly Fiorina: Mewling quim Scott Walker: Walking bomb Jeb Bush: Silver Spoon Ben Carson: Deep Water Ted Cruz: Canadian Marco Rubio: Pillock Mike Huckabee: Boob with a Bible Rand Paul: Whack job Donald Trump: Wannabe Kasich: Wanker ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/16 "2015-09-17T17:20:33Z")
Chris Christie: Mussolini Carly Fiorina: Job Killer Scott Walker: Dopey Jeb Bush: GWBush2 Ben Carson: Who Ted Cruz: Retard Marco Rubio: Mario Mike Huckabee: Quackers Rand Paul: Fringey Donald Trump: Mouth ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/17 "2015-09-17T17:23:32Z")
Chris Christie: Also ran Carly Fiorina: Also ran Scott Walker: Also ran Jeb Bush: Also ran Ben Carson: Also ran Ted Cruz: Also ran Marco Rubio: Also ran Mike Huckabee: Also ran Rand Paul: Also ran Donald Trump: Also ran John Kasich: Also ran . ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/18 "2015-09-17T17:41:29Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > And why leave out the undercard? Graham: Closet Pataki: Loser Jindal: Exorcist Santorum: Frothy mix ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/19 "2015-09-17T17:44:40Z")
Chris Christie: Hart Carly Fiorina: Simon Scott Walker: Hot Wheels Jeb Bush: Shrub Ben Carson: Kit Ted Cruz: Butt Marco Rubio: Albert Mike Huckabee: Daffy Rand Paul: Fortunate Son Donald Trump: Rug ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565/20 "2015-09-17T17:48:38Z")
Don’t Secret Service codenames have to be one word? Chris Christie: Arbuckle Carly Fiorina: Layoff Scott Walker: Cheesehead Jeb Bush: Overkill Ben Carson: Vaccine Ted Cruz: Backbacon Marco Rubio: Revolucion Mike Huckabee: Rube Rand Paul: Galtman Donald Trump: Hairpeice [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-secret-service-code-name-would-you-give-these-people/731565.md?page=2)