# What shall we do with a drunken sailor? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 21, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326 "2006-03-21T19:22:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/1 "2006-03-21T19:22:01Z")
Early in the morning? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/2 "2006-03-21T19:25:24Z")
Nail him to the courthouse door. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/3 "2006-03-21T19:27:03Z")
Put 'im in the scuppers. Turn the hose upon 'im! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/4 "2006-03-21T19:27:48Z")
Hit him in the ankle with a frozen llama. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/5 "2006-03-21T19:29:22Z")
Put him in a longboat 'til he’s sober. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/6 "2006-03-21T19:29:49Z")
Poke him with the soft cushions? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/7 "2006-03-21T19:33:15Z")
You’ll need a large glass and access to a bathroom. Take two large spoonfuls of tabasco sauce, a shelled egg, some Guiness and whipped cream. Mix well. 🆒 Serve to sailor, murmuring something about ‘hair of the dog’. Stand well back. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/8 "2006-03-21T19:33:42Z")
Shave his belly with a rusty razor. ---
**Author:** ![Seren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Seren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seren)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/9 "2006-03-21T19:34:46Z")
Put him in the hold with the captain’s daughter. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/10 "2006-03-21T19:35:28Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hit him in the ankle with a frozen llama. Now he’s drunk and has a sore ankle, and we’ve got an angry, cold llama to deal with, too. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/11 "2006-03-21T19:38:05Z")
Hire him at Exxon? ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/12 "2006-03-21T19:39:17Z")
Make him skipper of an Exxon tanker Ear-lie in the mornin’. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/13 "2006-03-21T19:41:44Z")
Sodomy. ---
**Author:** ![Spacekat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Spacekat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spacekat)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/14 "2006-03-21T19:46:55Z")
As a sailor who enjoys being drunken, I’ll volunteer for experimentation on this subject. I would particularly like to endorse “Put HER in the hold with the Captain’s daughter.” 😉 The llama thing may be too kinky even for me, though. How 'bout “lay her out on a stretcher on the dock until she’s capable of climbing the brow without being carried?” Poor meter, but it’s what we did on my ship. another popular option was Drive 'er in a whaleboat 'til she pukes all over . . . . ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/15 "2006-03-21T19:47:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Put him in the hold with the captain’s daughter. Hoo-ray, up she rises, eh? ---
**Author:** ![sailorspook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@sailorspook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailorspook)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/16 "2006-03-21T20:05:40Z")
I know noone will believe me, but this was actually the title of a Powerpoint briefing I was given on the dangers of alcohol abuse. (The Navy’s answer to the OP? Getting sent Gen Det to a ship. :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/17 "2006-03-21T20:07:06Z")
\< Goblin \>Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot; Fry them, boil them and eat them hot? \< /Goblin \> ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/18 "2006-03-21T20:25:15Z")
Show him where he left his pants then show him the front door. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/19 "2006-03-21T21:39:03Z")
Leave him on shore. When he wakes up he can swim to catch up… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2006, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326/20 "2006-03-21T21:56:30Z")
Roll her\* in the bed and tickle her all over. [sup]\*[/sup]Sailors don’t have to be men, this is the 21st century. And if’n I’m doing the ticklin’ then it best be a seafarin’ lass. Arrrrr. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-shall-we-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/349326.md?page=2)