# What should a divorced man do if his ex abuses his child? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 30, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-a-divorced-man-do-if-his-ex-abuses-his-child/672695 "2013-10-30T22:48:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-a-divorced-man-do-if-his-ex-abuses-his-child/672695/21 "2013-11-02T02:26:43Z")
“Ambivalid can not discuss anything without personal attacks.” I didn’t attack you dude. I just can’t believe anyone would even have more than a single option under the circumstances you’ve presented. Not as a parent. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-a-divorced-man-do-if-his-ex-abuses-his-child/672695/22 "2013-11-02T19:32:38Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Fortunately, I am not connected to the people with this issue. If you have reason to believe a child is being abused or neglected, \*\*YOU \*\*can make a report to whichever agency handles such cases in your jurisdiction. In my state, and perhaps most, you can make such a report anonymously, possibly via a toll free hotline established for that purpose. The divorced man, if he sees marks on the child during his periods of visitation, can take the child to a doctor–urgent care, or even the emergency room–for evaluation and documentation. This will likely trigger mandatory reporting and an investigation. Could result in the child being placed in foster care for some period of time while the investigation is in progress, and involve the local equivalent of what I’d call Youth Court. The divorced man could also hire a lawyer to seek a modification of custody, possibly including emergency relief. This will not be inexpensive. In my state, he’d have to pay for his lawyer and likely at least half the cost of a _Guardian ad Litem_ for the child. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-a-divorced-man-do-if-his-ex-abuses-his-child/672695/23 "2013-11-02T20:03:17Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Very bad idea. That leaves the judge to eventually decide between one parent with unfounded accusations against them and one parent who has disregarded a court order and is probably in violation of the criminal interferece with custody statutes. There are proper ways to deal with the situation that don’t involve violating a court order. > > These situations are rarely that black and white. I brought my then four year old son’s father back to court to seek supervised visitation. Granted, my son was not being abused but his dad had been making ridiculous, dangerous, stupid parenting decisions that I believed were detrimental to our son. The final straw, after months of documenting his many poor decisions, came on Labor Day that year when my son drove a full sized 4 wheeler into a parked vehicle, was thrown from the ATV, and was not subsequently taken to see a doctor. I got him back the next day covered in bruises and took him to get checked out. His face, even his eardrum, was bruised so badly the doctor we saw assumed at that point that he’d either been wearing no helmet at all or one that was too big. Anyway, that was the beginning of September. I couldn’t get a court date until mid October and refused to let him take the kid until a judge made me. I didn’t have a lawyer and was a little worried about consequences but we made it to court and his lawyer whined that I’d denied visits and I countered that I had made him offers where he could see the kid, but not take him, and he declined every offer I made. The judge waved me off and basically ignored the lawyer’s complaints and we moved on to address the claims in the motion. That I had broken the initial visitation agreement was never an issue. That he continually made stupid decisions regarding my son and his safety was seen as the bigger issue and, ultimately, the judge agreed with me. Pending his decision (guest judge, wanted to review the case, ruling came via USPS about a week later), the judge suspended his visitations and suggested that he speak with me later about some of those options I’d previously given him. If you genuinely believe that your kids are not safe in the care of their other parent, that court document becomes completely meaningless, IMO. I can’t imagine that any judge would disagree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-a-divorced-man-do-if-his-ex-abuses-his-child/672695.md?page=1)