# What should be done to **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 25, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472 "2000-02-25T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2000, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/1 "2000-02-26T06:56:00Z")
hackers who screw up sites like TSDMB ? Boil em in oil ? Rip out all thier toenails with rusty pliers ? What do the teeming millions think ? * * * Ayesha * * * The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. ---
**Author:** ![mazirian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@mazirian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mazirian)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/2 "2000-02-25T19:04:00Z")
Crucifixion! With rusty nails! To an iceberg! ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/3 "2000-02-25T19:05:00Z")
Well, Polycarp started a thread devoted to this very topic on [Opal’s message board.](http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/sdmb.pl?read=1195) My contribution was… I like the idea of psychological torture, since physical scars are likely to heal a whole lot quicker. Lock the person in a room, and let them have their computer. However, they are stuck with a 2600K modem, AOL as their ISP, Windows NT as their platform, and the only websites they can access are the sites run by heatherlee and Prose. After that, I would probably release the dogs with bees in their mouths, so when they barked they shoot bees at you. * * * Have you voted for your favorite, huggable Mullinator today? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/4 "2000-02-25T19:07:00Z")
Hmmm, well that didn’t work at all. Fine, this time I will avoid all UBB and just spell it out. Polycarp started a thread devoted to this topic over on Opal’s message board. My contribution was "I like the idea of psychological torture, since physical scars are likely to heal a whole lot quicker. Lock the person in a room, and let them have their computer. However, they are stuck with a 2600K modem, AOL as their ISP, Windows NT as their platform, and the only websites they can access are the sites run by heatherlee and Prose. After that, I would probably release the dogs with bees in their mouths, so when they bark they shoot bees at you. " ## Sheesh, 4 days away and I am totally out of practice. It’s like my board virginity grew back. Have you voted for your favorite, huggable Mullinator today? ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2000, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/5 "2000-02-26T06:59:00Z")
**Mullinator** , the problem is that you used HTML, not UBB. HTML is turned off at this time because it is a security risk. ## [http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/sdmb.pl?read=1195](http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/sdmb.pl?read=1195)\>Opal’s message board. [Change Your Password, Please](http://204.95.48.199/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getannounce&ForumNumber=3&Start=2451545.99&End=2451911&Session=2451598.1854) and don’t use HTML, as it has been disabled ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/6 "2000-02-25T19:00:00Z")
Lets try that again. [http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/sdmb.pl?read=1195](http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/sdmb.pl?read=1195) * * * [Change Your Password, Please](http://204.95.48.199/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getannounce&ForumNumber=3&Start=2451545.99&End=2451911&Session=2451598.1854) and don’t use HTML, as it has been disabled ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/7 "2000-02-25T19:05:00Z")
Oh,lighten up! It’s not as if I hacked the Pentagon. Which reminds me… * * * ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/8 "2000-02-25T19:18:00Z")
Ah shoot, my bad Manhattan. I didn’t realize that until about 2 minutes ago. Thanks for the notice, now I just have to remember that during the oncoming posting frenzy. * * * Have you voted for your favorite, huggable Mullinator today? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/9 "2000-02-25T19:36:00Z")
Whoops, sorry. My red folders are not showing, so I didn’t realize that this thread had been started when I started mine . . . -Melin ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/10 "2000-02-25T19:54:00Z")
## Psychological torture eh…I think he/she should be tied to his chair and subjected to the [www.hamsterdance.com](http://www.hamsterdance.com) site, with the volume turned way up. Shadowfox “The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/11 "2000-02-25T19:58:00Z")
OK, I’ll repeat my contribution here. I think the hacker(s) should be put to slave work maintaining the SDMB. Some suggested tasks (each of these tasks must be accomplished within 60 seconds of the post time): a) Correct all spelling errors in threads. b) Logical fallacies in the Great Debate forum must be immediately pointed out, with a justification for the correction. c) Threads in “Comments on Cecil’s columns” and “Comments on Mailbag Items” must immediately have the link to the appropriate item appended, if the link is missing from the OP. An e-mail must be sent to the offending poster explaining our policies. d) Any vulgar, obscene vocabulary, or any word pertaining to a body part beneath the waist or in the front of the chest, must be immediately amended to be spelled with asterisks. e.g. damn changed to d**n nipple changed to n**\*\*\* e) Any troll must have their account immediately terminated. f) Questions in “About this Message Board” must be answered accurately and test threads must be scanned and memorized. g) Posts in any thread originated by ChiefScott must be scanned for smilies and the smilies must be removed. h) Threads in MPSIMS demanding an empathetic response, e.g. “Happy Birthday” threads, “I just broke my fingernail” threads, “I can’t get it up” threads, etc… must be immediately responded to with long, fullsome praise/commiseration. * * * Official winner of [Bricker Challenge #5](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/004959.html). ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2000, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/12 "2000-02-25T20:42:00Z")
It would be really cool (or is that “kewl”) if the justice system would take his computer away and lock him up in jail. Then, no more 'puter when he gets out. Ever. THEN, just to be fair, all of us should be given complete access to all his stuff! His house, his bank accounts, his family, his credit cards, everything the guy owns right down to that last, half broken toothpick. We should be able to do whatever the heck we want to with all his stuff. Burn it, keep it, spend it, whatever floats your boat. Wreak absolute havoc with his entire life, and the lives of those around him! Then, when you’re done fucking up his world, make HIM be the one to FIX everything. THAT would teach the little pimply faced scrotum licking moronic asswipe son of a bitching whore NOT to go into other people’s lives and fuck with them. Or am I being harsh? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2000, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/13 "2000-02-26T03:30:00Z")
Tie him to a chair and force him/her to watch _Magnolia_. Or is that _too_ cruel? ---
**Author:** ![Neenah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/958977/32.png) [@Neenah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neenah)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2000, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/14 "2000-02-26T08:38:00Z")
My handy dandy copy of “The Book of Execution” lists “Burned Internally” as an appropriate treatment for this sort of jerk. The jerk in question gets molten lead poured down his throat. Seems fair in this case. Alternatively, the method listed as “Cauldron” would probably suffice. The offender is secured to a bench or table with a cauldron or large pot places upside-down on his/her bare stomach with mice trapped under it. Just to keep everyone awake, a fire is lit on top of the cauldron. The mice…well, you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/15 "2000-02-27T05:24:00Z")
I always liked slitting their stomach, nailing their intestines to the wall and beating their ass with a burning log until they danced. – Sylence * * * If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings. - Tokugawa Ieyasu ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/16 "2000-02-27T05:54:00Z")
Toss him/her/them in jail, “Midnight Express”, “Scared Straight” prison. Set a goal, with completion marking the chance at release. Then make it an open contest for anyone, anonymously to mischieviously, carelessly, wantonly tear down and sabotage their efforts. Ooops! You want out, tsk tsk. Well–bzzzzzzt!–too bad, seems like someone out there aced you out. Back to your cell with Camel Schlong! So sad, so sorry…those folks destroying what you’ve tried so hard to do. Well, time for a shower… Veb ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2000, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/17 "2000-02-27T14:07:00Z")
Put him in a crude wooden chair, splinters sticking out everywhere. Strap him down–thick, brown leather straps; arms, legs , waist , forehead. Cold , steel aligator clips. On his eyelids. To keep them open, no matter how he struggles. Or how he begs. Turn on the TV. > [@](#): > > {singing} I Love You, You Love Me, We’re A Happy Family{singing} Barney. 2 years. No parole. Oh, I’m SSSSSOOOOO evil! * * * It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/18 "2000-02-28T20:46:00Z")
Come one people. Don’t hold back. How do you really feel? * * * Bitch by Birth ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/19 "2000-02-29T00:38:00Z")
Permanent hypnotic implant. Every time he looks at a CRT, it makes him violently ill. And every time he touches a keyboard, he gets sharp, shooting pains in his fingertips. And then make it so that the only job he can get is quality control at Dell. * * * VB Changing my Sigline again 'cause Vebs’tummy is all better now! ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2000, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472/20 "2000-02-29T01:06:00Z")
Hmmm, I wonder if there is anyway we could do \*\* all \*\* of the above to them ? - Bosda, you my love, are a wicked man ! \* * * * " The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference." Elie Wiesel [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-be-done-to/4472.md?page=2)