# What should Disney butcher next? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007 "2001-04-15T00:19:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/21 "2001-04-17T05:28:08Z")
How about the happy go lucky spin on _Farhenheit 451_? ---
**Author:** ![CyberHippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@CyberHippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CyberHippy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/22 "2001-04-17T05:37:17Z")
For some unknown reason, Kurt Vonnegut’s “Gallapagos” comes to mind… Or mabye “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas” - hmmm, singing bats, magic potions, a mystical wonderland… Omni, I swear I was thinking of adding F451, then scrolled down while writing this! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/23 "2001-04-17T05:44:08Z")
Years ago, the folks on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc wrote a frighteningly possible Disneyfication of _Atlas Shrugged_. The Deja/Google archive doesn’t go back that far, of course, so I can’t link you to it, but it was one of the scariest and funniest things I’d ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/24 "2001-04-17T12:55:56Z")
How about _The Story of Batman?_ They could do product tie-ins with Crazy Wings, and have a scary ride at the theme parks. Or _Francis Ford Coppolla’s The Scooby-Doo Mysteries!_ Instead of Scooby snacks, Shaggy & Scooby could eat Mickey Mouse Bars. The Disney folks could then have a rabid dog run through the Haunted House. They’ve already got the projectors for it. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/25 "2001-04-17T13:45:45Z")
Marie Antoinette had her tiny dog under her skirts when she was beheaded. It didn’t, er, “take” and she said something like “Sweet Jesus” or “Dear Jesus”, which would have to be changed. I guess that would be the point to have her break out into song with the dog scampering about anyway. Did they off Rasputin in the cartoon? ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/26 "2001-04-17T14:01:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > **Or Noah’s Ark, with Disney sending out some fairies to make sure everything was okay, and with it being a town effort instead of the work of one family?** There was a Noah’s Ark sequence in _Fantasia 2000_, with Donald Duck as Noah. In case anybody cares, the next big animated blockbuster is going to be _Atlantis_ (or words to that effect). I don’t know what they’re going to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/27 "2001-04-17T14:02:37Z")
Shogun. Springtime for Hitler. Malcolm X. The story of John F. Kennedy’s life. Little House on the Prairie. Gilligan’s Island. Okay, I’m scaring myself now. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/28 "2001-04-17T14:21:49Z")
The Plague, by Albert Camus. Last Exit to Brooklyn, by Hubert Selby. Oh yeah. ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/29 "2001-04-17T14:52:12Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by rastahomie \* \*\* > [@](#): > > There was a Noah’s Ark sequence in _Fantasia 2000_, with Donald Duck as Noah. > \*\* Minor nitpick, but Donald was Noah’s helper, not Noah. For the old sci-fi fans, how about Disney doing a version of David Gerrold’s The Man Who Folded Himself. That one aught to go over well… Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/30 "2001-04-17T14:55:03Z")
Minor nitpick to self. That should be “ **ought** to go over well.” Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/31 "2001-04-17T14:57:04Z")
I’d like to see Disney take on _Dracula_. Heck, everyone else has done it. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/32 "2001-04-17T15:56:00Z")
Come on, disney does World War 2 would be awesome. FDR would be an outcast orphan, Churchill his plucky monkey sidekick, Stalin a wisecracking horse, and Elinor as the beautiful princess of Germania, with her wicked Stepfather Hitler and his toady, Emperor Hirohito (played by pikachu). Who wouldnt want to see the final battle, as FDR fights hitler, then hitler falls off a cliff, lke everyone bad guy in disney films. And of course Hirohito turns good in the final battle, and we all end up dancing to a new Celin Deon song. Just like in real life. I have been waiting for Disney’s Oz, but based on the prison series… ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/33 "2001-04-17T16:09:20Z")
_The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_, or any of _The Chronicles of Narnia_ See, C.S. Lewis already wrote a Jesus fable w/animals. _The Hardy Boys_ Nothing like a Disney adaptation to ruin an old favorite. _Have Spacesuit, Will Travel_, or any of the Heinlein juveniles. Take out all the science, most of the philosphy execpt some knee-jerk patriotism, add in some dance numbers and _viola_ instant crap. ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/34 "2001-04-17T16:18:15Z")
I think a nice remake of Heart of Darkness would suit Disney fine. You can still have the storytellers back in London on the boat. It’s a given that you have to have some narrative to set up the story. There’s adventure down the river. Kurtz is still crazy. Not sure yet for the cute, wisecracking sidekicks. Maybe a baby elephant and a parrot. The major change is Marlow takes Kurtz’s fiancee/intended/whatever along on the trip. Create some romantic tension between the girl and Marlow. But when Kurtz is about to die, we see love restore him to life and sanity and he gets the girl. Song numbers: Solemn intro number in London Lite cheery number on Marlow’s initial journey Romantic song between Marlow and girl halfway through river Energetic, crazy song during boat under seige Proud boistorous song for Kurtz’s introduction for his kingdom (Use “The horror. The horror.” here instead of later.) Sad poignant song as Kurtz is about to die but girl and Marlow bring him back. Oh, and rename the movie the Heart of Light. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/35 "2001-04-17T16:48:45Z")
Disney’s “Camille.” Marguerite Gauthier, rather than being a tubercular prostitute, is a fun-loving French college coed (voiced by Meg Ryan). She has a singing cat, Prudence (voiced by Angela Lansbury) and is wildly loved by the evil magician Count de Varville (voiced by Alan Cumming). When Varville find out that Margeurite (called “Cammy” by her pals, as she thinks camelias are “totally cool”), is in love with good-hearted playboy and college athlete Armand Duvall (voiced by Mel Gibson), he puts a curse on her that makes her sneeze a lot, leading to many zany social embarrassments and a comic number by Randy Newman. Armand’s father, M. Duvall (voiced by Jon Lithgow) demands that they break off their love affair, as he cannot have a daughter-in-law who sneezes a lot. Cammy becomes very depressed and sings an Elton John song while staring into the river Seine. The song is nominated for an Oscar and will be sung at the awards show by Jennifer Lopez, who will be wearing a belt with armholes. Anyway, just as Cammy is about to say “yes” to the evil Count de Varville, Armand discovers that the reason she is sneezing is because she is allergic to her singing pet cat, Prudence! Prudence is euthanized, and all ends happily. ---
**Author:** ![BobSchroeck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@BobSchroeck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobSchroeck)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/36 "2001-04-17T17:33:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by that\_darn\_cat \* > **_The Hardy Boys_ Nothing like a Disney adaptation to ruin an old favorite.** Hate to disillusion you, cat, old bean, but Disney already _did_ the Boys. Forty years ago – as part of the original Mickey Mouse club tv series. Predictably, it was awful. – Bob ---
**Author:** ![aviddiva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aviddiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aviddiva)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/37 "2001-04-17T19:38:14Z")
**Jonestown: the musical** , with the voices of Robin Williams, Minnie Driver, and Chris Rock. …bound to be some good commercial tie-ins with Kool-aid. **Elian Gonzalez, Shipwrecked boy** , with his trusty sidekick, Juan the rat, voice by Ben Affleck. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/38 "2001-04-17T19:44:32Z")
Yup, I can see them doing “Flatland”. In 3-D, of course. “A Canticle for Liebowitz” could be interesting, though. Happy singing mutants, happy singing monks. ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/39 "2001-04-17T19:58:36Z")
Walt Disney Pictures proudly presents the Marquis de Sade’s _Justine_. ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007/40 "2001-04-17T21:07:10Z")
How about we get Orwellian? Disney does _1984_ with Big Brother playing the role of Mommy to a passel of adopted happy fuzzy woodland creatures, Newspeak is presented as “a fun language, like Pig Latin!” Winston Smith is ahappy deer who, at the end, is not assimiliated into the collective, but willingly and happily joins his little woodland friends with their new language. Oh, and rewriting/erasing history/people is simply “making things prettier.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-disney-butcher-next/62007.md?page=3)