# What should I do about this? (Asking someone out) \[Edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414 "2010-12-16T20:21:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/1 "2010-12-16T20:21:01Z")
I’m single, and one of the few single classmates from my adolescence who lives around here has become my newest infatuation. The catch, in middle school, she didn’t like me (if you were a teenage girl, you wouldn’t have liked me either) So, should I pursue her, hoping she’s changed, or leave well enough alone? ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/2 "2010-12-16T20:35:57Z")
If you changed, it’s reasonable to think she could have. Here’s the thing - you’re not dating her now. If you ask her out, and she says no, you are still not dating her. What have you lost? Nothing, except perhaps freedom from your infatuation when you realize she isn’t who your imagination says she is (no one ever is…otherwise my husband would be a bit taller, a bit skinnier…:D) Ask her out and see where it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/3 "2010-12-16T20:46:54Z")
How did you treat her when y’all were in middle school? I was bullied mercilessly in elementary and junior high school. When I was about 15 or 16, though, I became hot. Or make that HOT!!! There were some guys who had not paid any attention to me when I was younger, or who I had disliked when I was younger, and I did enjoy their attentions in high school. However, what I really enjoyed was being able to turn down the guys who had bullied and teased me when we were younger. Maybe they had changed. But I would NEVER be able to get over my feelings about the way they had treated me, so I was able to turn them down without batting an eyelash. So, if you were actually mean to her when you were both younger, then your chances are pretty slim. If it was just a case of a feeling that “boys have cooties”, then it’s quite possible that her feelings towards you have changed. ---
**Author:** ![Keith\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@Keith\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keith_Berry)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/4 "2010-12-16T20:51:28Z")
I would persue it and see what happens. About 10 years ago, I was at a concert and ran into a girl that I had a MAJOR crush on back in high school. She was there drinking with another girl who looked exactly like her. I had never fessed up to the crush when we were kids, but I was pretty drunk at the concert and told her all of this. She admitted to being married and was unavailable…but she also said, “Here’s my younger sister, she’s single!” So I turned my attention to the younger sister, said hello…and we wound up being in a relationship for four years. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/5 "2010-12-16T20:54:35Z")
We weren’t mean to each other. It was more of a: “Why would I date you?” elitist thing. Great tips guys! ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/6 "2010-12-16T22:23:27Z")
Sent her a message on Facebook, will give an update when/if she responds ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/7 "2010-12-17T00:36:04Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Sent her a message on Facebook, will give an update when/if she responds Have a message, CERTAIN it’s her, afraid to open/read! (Yes, I’m pathetic) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/8 "2010-12-17T00:42:27Z")
Aw, come on! We have to know! ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/9 "2010-12-17T01:40:14Z")
Sorry, It wasn’t from her! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/10 "2010-12-17T02:05:00Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > CERTAIN it’s her > [@etv78](#): > > It wasn’t from her! I laughed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/11 "2010-12-17T02:32:20Z")
Worse- It was borderline spam! ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/12 "2010-12-22T01:42:52Z")
The last couple times I’ve checked the Facebook chat room, she’s been in there! But I’m such a coward, i don’t enter the chat! When I check back, she’sleft, I assume becasue she sees I’m on the site, and doesn’t want to talk to me. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/13 "2010-12-22T02:13:33Z")
What kind of message did you send her? Hope you hear from her soon just for the closure at least. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/14 "2010-12-22T02:14:41Z")
Aw. Hope you hear back from her and it works out. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/15 "2010-12-22T02:16:17Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > What kind of message did you send her? Hope you hear from her soon just for the closure at least. She mentioned on her Wall watching 80’s movies, so I said,“Wanna go “Back to the Future” for some companiionship?” ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/16 "2010-12-22T02:29:23Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > She mentioned on her Wall watching 80’s movies, so I said,“Wanna go “Back to the Future” for some companiionship?” Did you preface that with anything? If I hadn’t talked to someone since middle school and that was the first thing I heard from them I might think it was just a drunken message. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/17 "2010-12-22T02:47:47Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Did you preface that with anything? If I hadn’t talked to someone since middle school and that was the first thing I heard from them I might think it was just a drunken message. Good point Anna! (I know you’re a woman) I’ll send another message, (and just amp up the angst!) later. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/18 "2010-12-22T02:55:15Z")
Actually send her a message - don’t ask her out on her Wall. She wouldn’t take it seriously and it would be really lame. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/19 "2010-12-22T03:04:02Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Actually send her a message - don’t ask her out on her Wall. She wouldn’t take it seriously and it would be really lame. I didn’t ask her out on her Wall. I’m WAY too cowardly for that. It was a message I sent. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414/20 "2010-12-22T03:09:46Z")
You need to get to know a person as a friend before you send that personal of a message. It comes across as creepy. Keep things light and just try to get to know each other. Talk about '80’s movies or something, but don’t go overboard. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-this-asking-someone-out-edited-title/564414.md?page=2)