# What should I do? (Relationship question) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2002, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532 "2002-09-01T05:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/21 "2002-09-02T06:01:52Z")
There is such a thing as coming on too strong… but just telling him I like him and if he likes me too that I am willing to have things more than just friends. If not though that’s fine too… that’s too strong? I found that to be the best approach. It’s not like you go up to a guy and just go. “Look I really like you. Will you marry me” I’m not asking him that. I just want to let him know that there is interest there and if he feels the same I won’t be adverse to being with him. As I am already on my way to being drunk (I bought the beer actually, cuz it was my turn to do so) having had a couple of beers and only munchies like chips in the past few hours… I might just end up going with the last suggestion. -shrugs- He knows what I get like when I’m drunk… we drink together fairly often… so if he didn’t like it then yah he would just chalk it up to my being drunk and horny. -wanders off to watch the movie now- ---
**Author:** ![JamesAKANiceGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@JamesAKANiceGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JamesAKANiceGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/22 "2002-09-02T09:45:49Z")
_Slides in before he has to get to work_ Hey my fluttery friend, so… what happened? I’m sure we are all waiting to know… did you attempt the kiss… awww go on… them me you did. Then tell me he melted into your arms?! _Grins_ You know more than anyone else I’d love to see you happy… btw I’ll let you make the introduction of me! _Smiles_ Just you wait untill November… _Grins_ I’ll show him! He will see sense by the time I’ve left even if I have to beat it into the both of you! lol Anyways work calls… but I’m sure I’ll speak soon, Always James! ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/23 "2002-09-02T10:31:00Z")
Just wanted to check in with a couple comments: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by **cmosdes** \* > …hanging out and letting it go where it goes, which is a great way to handle it. Don’t use the roommate, and don’t go online. Be a person. A-freakin-men. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **WV\_Woman** _ > If a man likes a woman enough, I don’t care WHAT his “ailment” is (shyness, etc.), he will find a way to chase her. If he doesn’t, he is not that interested. Men do not give a \*&#% about the odds against getting a certain woman, when they find one they want they will do anything to get her. MHO is that this is pure hogwash. > [@](#): > > Call me a traditionalist but I have learned the hard way that 9 times out of 10, when a woman does the chasing, she usually ends up hurt. Well, I’ve learned the hard way that when I do the chasing, I frequently end up getting hurt too. So… ? Good luck **Obsidian Flutterby**. I hope it all turns out really well for you both. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/24 "2002-09-02T11:31:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WV\_Woman \* > \*\*Don’t tell him. > > If he likes you, he’ll make the first move. > > If he doesn’t, he’s not that interested. \*\* THis is incorrect. If he is attracted to you but thinks you have him in the ‘just friends’ zone, and he values your friendship, he may stay where he is. However, if you let him know he’s NOT in the ‘just friends’ zone…that there’s a _possibility_ there…well, you know what I’m saying. ---
**Author:** ![loupdebois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e495f1/32.png) [@loupdebois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/loupdebois)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/25 "2002-09-02T13:13:33Z")
**WV,** chasing = risking getting hurt. Chasing = taking that chance. Being chased = safe, after all, you can just say “stop” and crush the poor fool’s heart. Men and women do not differ here, those who chase are opening their hearts to love or pain. Anything applied to gender roles without more backing than I see there is tripe. A year ago, I could happily have said that IME women aren’t attracted to intelligent me, but I knew that my experience was limited and there was no reason to draw a conclusion from that sample. Men get hurt 9 times out of 10 too. I don’t chase. When I chased, I failed. The minute I stopped, people found me. My dream girl found me. As for you, **Flutter,** I have both sympathy and advice. While dating your roommate isn’t a great idea, NOT dating someone you think you’d be happy with is pure wastefulness. Take it slow, he’ll probably figure out that you like him when you lay your head in his lap or just start tearing his clothes off… if there’s one thing I’ve realised over the past month, it’s that people spend so much bloody time WORRYING about what the right thing to do is, and whether relationships are being done properly, that often the meaning lies forgotten until suddenly we realise that things are so simple… two things matter: your attraction to him and his to you. What’s said is irrelevant. What’s done is irrelevant. Whether he knows you like him or not, for the moment, is a detail. The big picture allows that eventually he’ll know and work it out… I know you can’t wait to find out, but if you can’t enjoy him for his company then you’re still trying to own people… a habit that we of the materialistic generation have to wean ourselves of, IMHO. So, yes, I contradict myself and say that you should do nothing. Let it occur, and it will be as huge and beautiful as a thunderstorm. Disclaimer: this post has been written on 2 hours of sleep. I may have mentioned penguins, please disregard any reference to them as they have asked me to keep them anonymous… ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/26 "2002-09-02T18:50:33Z")
**loupdebois** I do just enjoy him for his company. Like I said before there is something more there on my side (I am still uncertain of his side) but I _do_ know we are good friends. That’s part of the reason I have no clue how to go about this, because I value his friendship so much. As well as not wanting to put a strain on the household. \*_James_ Noooo I didn’t attempt the kiss. I was gonna but after the movie he got online and I was semi-tipsy and tired and fell asleep while he was chatting. (I did sit next to him for awhile and snuggle up a bit though). The introduction to you is in Mwahahahaha I Got Him Here, somewhere down the list of threads. If my thoughts don’t make sense blame Liam, he keeps walking back and forth from the tv to me, to grab some Reese’s Bites that are sitting right by me. I don’t think I’ll show him this thread… ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/27 "2002-09-02T20:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*loupdebois \*\*\* > chasing = risking getting hurt. Chasing = taking that chance. Being chased = safe … Men and women do not differ here, those who chase are opening their hearts to love or pain. Exactamente. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/28 "2002-09-02T22:32:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Don’t tell him. > > If he likes you, he’ll make the first move. > > If he doesn’t, he’s not that interested. So…how is he supposed to know what to do? Are we sending off pheromones and hormones and stuff to tell him “I want you!!”? I don’t think sitting around like a damsel in distress is right at all. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532/29 "2002-09-03T06:31:03Z")
**Obsidian Flutterby** , you are just gonna have to bite the bullet and show a little of yourself. I know it’s tough, but ask him if he’s ever thought about the 2 of you hoking up, and tell him you’ve thought about. If he’s in to it, you could have the start of a good relationship. If not, then you can move on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-i-do-relationship-question/126532.md?page=1)