I came here to actually give info on guinea pigs but after having read the posts here it sounds honestly like you should consider domestic rats before anything else.
Foie Gras is bad but Cuy is good?? :).
I don’t have experience, so I can’t really chime in on what it’s like to keep guinea pigs or rabbits (although if given a choice, I would get a couple of piggies). I do want to chime in to say that if you’re in the DC metro area, Small Angels Rescue is fantastic for any and all types of “small and furry” pets. We adopted a series of hamsters (and mice) from there, and not only do the Small Angels folks really know their stuff, but they also were amazing at taking abandoned/traumatized critters and turning them into sweet, happy, well-socialized pets.
Vet-wise, for the DC area I can’t recommend Eastern Exotics (Pender) highly enough. Mammary tumor surgery on a hamster? No problem. 
Fair enough - after all, this is all about our individual opinions, which are going to be based on experience.
However, I do think you’ve probably either been plain unlucky, or just aren’t looking for a pet with any of the attributes found in GPs.
Some of this is very subjective - for example, I think the fact that they don’t do much is a desirable trait - in a cuddly pet for kids. If you bring them indoors and sit them on a mat with some food, they’ll still be there half an hour later - whereas a rabbit or a hamster or gerbil usually resents being held or kept in one place and will be trying to evade being petted all the time.
By the way, for the uninitiated - guinea pig poop is formed, relatively odorless (except maybe in quantity) pellets. It’s not revolting like, say, a human dump. And the GP pellets interestingly resemble whatever food they’ve been eating (nice orange ones if they’ve been chowing down on carrots, as I recall). More significant from an odor/cage cleaning standpoint is the peeing. Let those cedar chips or whatever bedding you use go too long without changing, and it’s ripe indeed.
Nonsense, guinea pigs say “weeick, weeick, WEEICK!!” And they’re really not that noisy (if they’re frequently distressed or hungry, you’re doing something wrong).
Nice to see Mangetout weighing in in support of guinea pigs. Ever dine on cavy (as noted, they are popular in some areas, i.e. parts of South America and can be found in the markets)?
Never tried it yet, but it’s on my list, for sure. I wouldn’t eat an animal that was someone’s beloved pet, but I have no qualms about eating individuals of the same species as are kept as pets (or other species that are considered vermin, for that matter)
I have never eaten a guinea pig but would certainly try it. I have eaten a metric ton of foie gras…and I still weigh under 200lbs! Go me!
Sadly, no longer being in the fine dining realm means that if I want to eat foie gras anymore, I actually have to pay for it…and its super-expensive…hence its evilness. Perhaps my username should be “FoieGrasIsElusive”.
Huh, that’s interesting. I have a chinchilla and he’s the messiest pet I’ve ever had. I guess they’re clean in the sense that their poop is dry and they don’t smell, but other than that, mine is incredibly messy. His poop and bedding fly all over the place when he flings himself around, his hay is hard to keep tidy, and when he takes a bath his bath dust floats EVERYWHERE. Combine all that with their high-strung nature and aloofness towards humans and I think they’re hard to recommend to anybody.
This is very well-written. I used to have rats, and would lovelovelove to have them again. Mr. Horseshoe is strongly against the idea, because a) we have two cats, and b) your last paragraph. They are, other than their short life span, a very ideal pet, and sound perfect for the OP’s circumstances.