# What should my daughter call my cousin? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 25, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209 "2006-08-25T15:35:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/1 "2006-08-25T15:35:25Z")
My cousin gave my daughter a graduation gift. How should my daughter address the thank you card? She really doesn’t know my cousin. They would have met 2-3 times. So she doesn’t have a history of calling her something. Should it be: Dear Cousin Jane Dear Jane The 2nd choice may be rude because Jane is my age. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/2 "2006-08-25T15:45:35Z")
Go with Cousin Jane. If your cousin would prefer something more familiar, she can tell your daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/3 "2006-08-25T15:55:19Z")
Assumming it is your first cousin: “Dear First Cousin Once Removed Jane” is accurate. However, manners and style tned to prefer “Dear Cousin Jane”. “Dear Jane” is a little rude coming from a child. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/4 "2006-08-25T15:58:11Z")
They are cousins, but first cousins once removed, so “cousin Jane” is accurate. (My children have younger cousins in a similar situation: my children are grown up, but two of their cousins have childrren aged 0 to 5. In that situation, even now, I think that “Dear Jane” would be perfectly acceptable.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/5 "2006-08-25T15:59:08Z")
Hmm. I think it should be Aunt Jane. But that could just be my culture. We don’t really have a word for cousin in Hindi. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/6 "2006-08-25T16:04:46Z")
Or you could go really wild and have your daughter call her Ezmerelda. Brunhilda is always good too. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/7 "2006-08-25T16:07:43Z")
Do people actually use “Cousin Jane” in real life? The only place I’ve ever heard of it before was in TV shows or movies depicting good ol’ southern boys. Since your cousin gave your daughter a present, I would asume there was a card attached. How did Jane sign the card? I would use that for a clue as to how she would expect to be addressed. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/8 "2006-08-25T16:08:13Z")
Could you make a quick phone call to your cousin, thank her and ask what she would like? Will your cousin take offence? I sometimes read stories to friend’s kids. They call me Uncle, which is well-known as a courtesy title for ‘older male friend of the family’ in England. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/9 "2006-08-25T16:10:27Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hmm. I think it should be Aunt Jane. But that could just be my culture. We don’t really have a word for cousin in Hindi. [/QUOTE] No word for “cousin” in Hindi? That’s hard to believe… (not that I think you’re lying or anything). Yeah, the whole “aunt” or “auntie” thing isn’t much used in the US as a general term for relatives-- “cousin” is probably more common. If the person was unrelated, then “aunt” or “uncle” might be appropriate for a close friend of the parents’. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/10 "2006-08-25T16:10:50Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hmm. I think it should be Aunt Jane. But that could just be my culture. We don’t really have a word for cousin in Hindi. [/QUOTE] Cousins of one’s parents’ generation are often referred to informally as aunts and uncles in the US, at least in some subcultures. In my family, we referred to my mother’s first cousins - actually our first cousins once removed - as aunts and uncles. This is not always the case, however; the children of my first cousins do not call me “uncle.” The custom seems to be more prevalent on the Irish side of my family, rather than on the German side. However, unless this convention has been established in the family, in the case of the OP I would go with “Dear Cousin Jane.” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/11 "2006-08-25T17:13:57Z")
[QUOTE=John Mace] No word for “cousin” in Hindi? That’s hard to believe… (not that I think you’re lying or anything). [/QUOTE] There is a word for cousin in _Sanskrit_. And I think there must be one in what is colloquially known as Old Hindi, i.e., what is spoken in serials such as the Mahabharat, etc. But in Hindi, I either call my cousins my brothers and sisters or, if I need to differentiate, the son of my aunt/uncle. There are different words for aunts and uncles, see? If I said “Aunt” you’d know exactly which side of the family, and whether she was older or younger than the parent involved, and whether she is my blood aunt or merely in the family by marriage. (This is something I’ve always resented about English, by the way, that all aunts are aunt.) The children of all my cousins call me auntie…again, depending on which side of the family they come from. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/12 "2006-08-25T17:23:29Z")
John Mace, > [@](#): > > No word for “cousin” in Hindi? That’s hard to believe… There isn’t one in Hebrew, either…to say “cousin”, you say “son (or daughter) of Uncle”. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/13 "2006-08-25T17:41:35Z")
[QUOTE=cmkeller] There isn’t one in Hebrew, either…to say “cousin”, you say “son (or daughter) of Uncle”. [/QUOTE] OK, that makes more sense. There isn’t a word only because we’ve defined that phrase to be more than one word. You could define grandparent in English as two words (grand parent) and then say there isn’t a word for grandparent in English, too. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/14 "2006-08-25T17:52:00Z")
[QUOTE=Colibri] Cousins of one’s parents’ generation are often referred to informally as aunts and uncles in the US, at least in some subcultures. [/QUOTE] And at one time (and maybe still in some areas), they were referred to as “second cousins.” I realize that that’s not the technical definition of “second cousin,” but a lot of country folk never got the memo. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/15 "2006-08-25T18:15:55Z")
[QUOTE=Earl Snake-Hips Tucker] And at one time (and maybe still in some areas), they were referred to as “second cousins.” I realize that that’s not the technical definition of “second cousin,” but a lot of country folk never got the memo. [/QUOTE] Could you please define second cousin for me? While we’re on the topic? I have no idea what it means, really. I thought the children of your mother’s cousins were your second cousins, is that right? ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/16 "2006-08-25T18:20:28Z")
Second cousins are (properly) the offspring of first cousins. My child and my first cousins child would be second cousins to each other. I and my first cousin’s children would be “first cousin once removed.” The latter relationship is sometimes inaccurately called “second cousin,” or at least once was. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/17 "2006-08-25T18:24:25Z")
Dutch has no words either to differentiate between cousin and nephew/niece. Both are referred as “neef/nicht”. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/18 "2006-08-25T18:24:35Z")
Your daughter is ~18? I would think that “dear Jane” would be alright. They are both adults. I called my older removed cousins “aunt” and “uncle” as a sign of respect as a child because I was raised not to call adults by their first names. That changed as I grew up. After talking with some of my older cousins, the fact that I call them by their first name doesn’t bother them a bit. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/19 "2006-08-25T18:25:39Z")
Think of the first-second-third cousins as a pyramid. You have levels, and then you have “removeds”. And I see on preview that Earl SHT has defined it better. Personally, in that situation I called my first-cousins-once-removed “Ms. Cindy” until I got old enough (no set number, just whenever you feel comfortable) to switch to just “Cindy.” A sign of adulthood, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209/20 "2006-08-25T18:45:44Z")
From the master himself: [What’s the term for your cousin’s children?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_268a.html) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-my-daughter-call-my-cousin/370209.md?page=2)