# What should she do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2011, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072 "2011-01-10T06:04:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/21 "2011-01-11T07:34:57Z")
So she set him up and dumped him, and now she wants to ruin any future relationships he might be in the process of developing? Sorry to say it, as I know she’s a friend of yours, but she sounds like a real peach. If he really was cheating on her, or seriously considering it, she’s better off without him, and there’s nothing to be gained by carrying on with more garbage. If he wasn’t, she needs to leave him alone, and quit trying to screw him over. Either way, she needs to grow the heck up and act like an adult. That way, she might just find that her next guy is a better one. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/22 "2011-01-11T10:29:47Z")
> [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > I doubt that would be the case for most women. Most women aren’t like “Oh, those poor dears, I hope this never happens to them!” Most women would more likely be hoping that, by revealing him to be a cheating ass, it would turn her off thus making him alone and miserable. What most women don’t realize is that most other women don’t care much if he cheated on YOU because YOU are not THEM and he would never cheat on THEM because they obviously lack whatever horribly negative quality you possess which made him cheat on you in the first place. :rolleyes: IMO, anyway. I know a lot of really ridiculous women. > > Dumb. > > It’s stupid and not helpful for her. Anything beyond her is not her responsibility so, regardless of her true motives, no, she shouldn’t do it. Move on. Actually, the fact that most other women wouldn’t care is part of the reason I wouldn’t have a problem outing him in the POF forums or something. If I actually thought it would ruin this guy’s chances forever, I’d never recommend it. And I defer to you guys who probably are a better judge of this woman, as no one has ever said something like that to me. Every time a girl has talked with me about a break up, she’s just needed consoling or was hitting on me. They’ve never mentioned anything about telling other women. I’m also pretty sure that they all told all their friends, who went about telling their friends, propagating throughout their entire friend network. That is why I didn’t see it as such a big deal as the rest of you guys. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/23 "2011-01-11T10:48:30Z")
Not something I would do, nor would I hope anyone I knew personally, but I say “why not”? I don’t have a problem with her getting some nice, harmless revenge on some dirtbag. This is a lot more harmless than some of the things I’ve fantasized about doing with exes, and it may make her feel better and get over some of the trauma she probably feels. I do hope she smartens up about her romantic choices, though – falling for some POS, if it’s a pattern, can’t be a good way to go through life. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/24 "2011-01-11T12:20:46Z")
I’m not a big believer in revenge. Now if you asked my wife… ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/25 "2011-01-11T15:29:44Z")
No. She should grow up, this isn’t junior high. Let it go, it’s over, move on. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/26 "2011-01-11T15:43:12Z")
> [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > I doubt that would be the case for most women. Most women aren’t like “Oh, those poor dears, I hope this never happens to them!” Most women would more likely be hoping that, by revealing him to be a cheating ass, it would turn her off thus making him alone and miserable. What most women don’t realize is that most other women don’t care much if he cheated on YOU because YOU are not THEM and he would never cheat on THEM because they obviously lack whatever horribly negative quality you possess which made him cheat on you in the first place. :rolleyes: IMO, anyway. I know a lot of really ridiculous women. You said it better than how I was going to say it. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/27 "2011-01-11T16:13:41Z")
1. Your friend is a psycho. 2. The women on Plenty of Fish look like the sort of women who would not be turned off by the sort of guy whose girlfriend just broke up with him for cheating on her. 3. Why are you, as a man, getting involved in her drama? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/28 "2011-01-11T17:01:52Z")
It’s one thing to warn someone you know of the track record of someone they’re considering dating. You warn them because they’re your friends. But going out of your way to warn total strangers that your ex is a schmuck - sorry, they’ll just have to figure that out on their own. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/29 "2011-01-11T17:07:34Z")
Can;t respond to this until you post the complete life history of your friend, including all cases where she lied to people, led people on, cheated on boyfriends, flirted, etc. Your post assumes this woman is a complete innocent. Life experience tells me that is unlikely. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/30 "2011-01-11T17:43:52Z")
She should do nothing, and you should advise so, but otherwise stay out of it. And it’s really simple to explain why. Besides the obvious that hacking into someone’s account or stealing their password is straight up wrong. Imagine you got one of these warnings, what would you think? Chances are you’d be ignored or be perceived badly. It’s one thing if she knew any of these people, otherwise, any warnings she gives are just from some random stranger. And, really, it’s the responsibility of other people to learn their lessons themselves. If they’re willing to overlook those “quiet weekends”, and probably countless other things that ought to cause distrust, you’re not saving them anything. Worst of all, it has a high probability to backfire. If the ex finds out, what might he do? Who knows what one of those other women might do. When you break up with someone, unless there’s some complications (like kids) or it’s one of the rare amicable break ups where you can stay friends, it’s best just to straight cut off and let go. ---
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/31 "2011-01-11T17:52:18Z")
I would really really want to tell those other women, but hopefully someone would talk me out of it. Revenge is rarely as sweet as you think it will be. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/32 "2011-01-11T18:21:53Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Does she like drama? I’ll give you two guesses! Seriously, her actions already point to someone who is all about the drama, to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/33 "2011-01-11T18:50:19Z")
Move on. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/34 "2011-01-11T19:01:54Z")
She broke up with him. Nothing about him is any of her business anymore. She needs to grow up and STFU. ---
**Author:** ![lisalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/0ea827/32.png) [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/35 "2011-01-11T19:06:49Z")
What do you mean she needs to grow up. HE is the one that needs to grow up HE is the one who cheated on her. SHE should tell the other women what this ahole is up to. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/36 "2011-01-11T19:39:19Z")
What he did and whether he also needs to grow up are moot: she addressed all of that by breaking up with him. Being unable to leave it at that is immature. Sticking her nose in someone else’s business is immature. Being self-righteous is immature. Being vindictive is immature. Assuming that she knows the nature of his relationship with anyone else is immature. Anything he does post-breakup is _none of her business_. She needs to grow up and – as many others have said – move on. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072/37 "2011-01-11T19:57:22Z")
> [@lisalan](#): > > What do you mean she needs to grow up. HE is the one that needs to grow up HE is the one who cheated on her. SHE should tell the other women what this ahole is up to. I assume you know the details I asked about then. Please fill us in. > [@TriPolar](#): > > Can;t respond to this until you post the complete life history of your friend, including all cases where she lied to people, led people on, cheated on boyfriends, flirted, etc. > > Your post assumes this woman is a complete innocent. Life experience tells me that is unlikely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-she-do/567072.md?page=1)