# What should we do with these very Christian Xmas presents? (Silly answers only, please.) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360 "2013-12-28T16:35:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/21 "2013-12-28T19:56:28Z")
Did anyone give them the Little People Noah’s Ark or Nativity sets? Because that’s prime material for stop-motion movies, posted to YouTube. My daughter has the Ark–because I think it’s such an awesomely age-old thing for kids to have Arks with pairs of animals. I mean, Colonial kids had them and shit. However her set came with only Noah and not his wife. So I ordered Noah and his wife from eBay… they came together. So now there are two Noahs. When my husband’s (Southern Baptist) side of the family isn’t around I call them Adam and Steve. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/22 "2013-12-28T20:15:58Z")
More important is that their passive aggressive bullshit gives you carte blanche to do the exact same thing to them! [Axial tilt is the reason for the season](http://i1.cpcache.com/product/605403644/axial_tilt_reason_season_womens_dark_tshirt.jpg?color=Black&height=460&width=460&qv=90)! [Darwin fish plushie](http://www.etsy.com/listing/83380190/purple-tie-dye-fleece-darwin-evolution)! [Passive aggressive beLIEfS shirt](http://godlessliberals.com/Apparel/Beliefs-Are-Lies-T-Shirt/flypage.tpl.html)! [98% chimp](http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/9899/?srp=1)! [Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster](https://www.rof.com/Gospel-of-the-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster_p_22.html)! [Baby bib that says Silly Christians, myths are for kids](http://www.cafepress.com/+silly_christians_bib,377451003)! [Affirmations of Humanism for Kids coloring book](http://www.evolvefish.com/office/sc/ss_mb.cgi?storeid=*108a4248af06b9407e33&ss_parm=Ac7ff07f92a4cf2028531107085303c8f)! [Great Without Religion: Being an atheist kid in a world full of gods](http://www.evolvefish.com/office/sc/ss_mb.cgi?storeid=*108a4248af06b9407e33&ss_parm=Af4bca272843fea5dd9a4b66d0bbac0ae)! ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/23 "2013-12-28T20:18:17Z")
The people down the street have one of those large wooden cut-out yard ornament things which is Santa with baby Jesus (complete with bright yellow LARGE halo) in the manger. (On first glance I thought it was a wheelbarrow, which would be even more awesome.) Can you customize any of the items in this fashion? Maybe insert some santas or even some satans into the stories. Or Athena, since she appeals to you. A family project, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/24 "2013-12-28T20:36:44Z")
Cut up the printed material and reassemble it, ransom-note-style, into messages appearing to threaten you, photograph them and complain about them on Facebook. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/25 "2013-12-28T20:47:31Z")
A sister-in-law of mine is very Christian. We get along OK. One year she was down here in the city and she was Christmas shopping for her young boy and I found a book with lego depictions of Old Testament stories. I showed it to her and she liked it and she bought it. (OH her son’s name is NOAH, just to give you an idea) So later, a closer inspection of the book revealed in the Sodom and Gomorrah part there was a tiny Lego Hal Briston. Yes the Lego man was fornicating with a Lego sheep. I don’t think Noah ever got that book. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/26 "2013-12-28T21:10:10Z")
My mom always just kept the family bible on the same shelf as “the Oz books and other works of fantasy,” as she described it. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/27 "2013-12-28T22:41:32Z")
A little stage makeup could make it appear the gifts burn the heathen children… ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/28 "2013-12-28T22:46:05Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > A little stage makeup could make it appear the gifts burn the heathen children… I was going to suggest that **Skald** bandage his hands as if suffering from blistering and return the gifts, complaining of burns, but photos of the “scorched” little ones is an even better idea. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/29 "2013-12-28T23:03:18Z")
Video yourself thanking the gift givers profusely, then debunking many of the Christian myths to your kids by using the gifts as educational props. Now, you have a captive audience of your family, who gave these gifts, to sit and observe in horror as the Baby Jesus explains Darwinism, or the angel Gabriel describes the Christmas Star was most likely being a planetary alignment, comet or a supernova, and not a silly mythical… Errr… miracle at all. Assuming the origins of the story to have any veracity in the slightest (and adding it’s astronomically more likely Mary committed adultery with Joseph. Or was raped.) ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/30 "2013-12-28T23:11:53Z")
Also, the Baby Jesus should explain how him and his teachings are likely an idealized amalgam borrowed from other religions before him, and how he’s mostly unoriginal, especially when compared to other religions and philosophies. This would be a good part to have Baby Jesus giggle sheepishly. The kids love that… adorable. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/31 "2013-12-28T23:49:12Z")
“Thanks, everyone! With the money I made selling all that on eBay, I was able to buy this self-lighting pentagram!” ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/32 "2013-12-28T23:58:05Z")
I think **cmyk** has nailed it. Please post a link to the video. If there were a way to film the family members viewing the video this would be a big hit here on the dope. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/33 "2013-12-29T00:06:21Z")
On a less silly (but more fiscally-prudent) note, I’d put every last thing into some sort of storage that will keep it safe for a few generations, bequesting it to your children, their children etc down the line. Vacuum bags for the fabric gifts, boxes with absorbent material for the books…you know the deal. They will eventually be worth a **fortune** as historic relics from a bygone age. Think about it: Christianity is losing it’s tenacious grip in most of the developed world, and the US has gotta ‘get with the program’ eventually. Such kitsch as you have been gifted will become novelties in the next few years, then archeological artifacts not too much later. You won’t get rich off it, but your great-grandchildren may well. And they’ll be thanking good ol’ Great-granddaddy Skald **AND** Jesus for their thoughtfulness. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/34 "2013-12-29T01:20:34Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Make some very elaborate gift baskets with them, with colored cellophane and ribbons and everything. Then at every gift-giving occasion for as long as they last, regift them back to the family members. Ok, I can see that. > [@runner pat](#): > > Bonfire. Video. YouTube. Email link. I really like this. > [@gracer](#): > > Draw little moustaches on all the people’s faces in the pictures, and dresses and with typex alter some critical words. Then pay it forward 😃 > > Seriously though, if there is a good children’s book of bible stories: my papa read me those when I was little, along with the greek myths and The Hobbit. Gave me a clear idea of where those stories stand. Also, in comparison to those stories, the bible stories are so boring. People sometimes say the bible is a cool book with nice stories. It really isn’t. It’s quite boring. Still, good to know the stories. Education 'n all that jazz. I can remember being given a 33.33 record of some famous female actress reading bible stories. I would probably recognize her name if it were suggested. > [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Oh, wait, I know - next time someone starts another White Elephant exchange thread, you’re all set!! 😃 evil 😛 > [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > “Thanks, everyone! With the money I made selling all that on eBay, I was able to buy this self-lighting pentagram!” I really like this one - and send a picture of the kid wearing the pentagram… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/35 "2013-12-29T16:06:17Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > A sister-in-law of mine is very Christian. We get along OK. One year she was down here in the city and she was Christmas shopping for her young boy and I found a book with lego depictions of Old Testament stories. I showed it to her and she liked it and she bought it. (OH her son’s name is NOAH, just to give you an idea) So later, a closer inspection of the book revealed in the Sodom and Gomorrah part there was a tiny Lego Hal Briston. Yes the Lego man was fornicating with a Lego sheep. > I don’t think Noah ever got that book. That was just mean…but hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/36 "2013-12-29T17:21:20Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > re-gift them to **Der Trihs**. Best. Answer. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/37 "2013-12-29T17:25:17Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Also, the Baby Jesus should explain how him and his teachings are likely an idealized amalgam borrowed from other religions before him, and how he’s mostly unoriginal, especially when compared to other religions and philosophies. > > This would be a good part to have Baby Jesus giggle sheepishly. The kids love that… adorable. So you are going to combat Christian ignorance with Zeitgeist ignorance? And btw, what Mary & Joseph would have committed would be fornication at worst, but since they were already betrothed, even that would be debatable. I don’t have a silly answer, sorry! ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/38 "2013-12-29T17:45:26Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > So you are going to combat Christian ignorance with Zeitgeist ignorance? > > And btw, what Mary & Joseph would have committed would be fornication at worst, but since they were already betrothed, even that would be debatable. > > I don’t have a silly answer, sorry! Geez, buzz kill. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/39 "2013-12-29T17:56:00Z")
Tell’em that you’re an Anglican now and you don’t feel comfortable accepting gifts from pagan Pentecostals. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/40 "2013-12-29T18:27:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Donate them all to the nearest church. Tell your relatives it was an act of Christian charity. Totally this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360.md?page=3)