# What should we do with these very Christian Xmas presents? (Silly answers only, please.) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360 "2013-12-28T16:35:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/61 "2013-12-30T18:10:45Z")
I’m pretty sure they were traveling to Jerusalem for a census, not on a pilgrimage. But the underlying sexy-time joke still works. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/62 "2013-12-30T18:12:21Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Build a linen temple to Pallas. :: athenist hat :: The Goddess has no need for temples and little patience with temple-builders. One worships her only at her invitation, and said worship is expected to take the form of something either intellectually rigorous or socially useful. Studying calculus. Slaying bandits. Throwing rotten eggs at Jenny McCarthy. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/63 "2013-12-30T18:14:30Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :: athenist hat :: > > The Goddess has no need for temples and little patience with temple-builders. One worships her only at her invitation, and said worship is expected to take the form of something either intellectually rigorous or socially useful. Studying calculus. Slaying bandits. Throwing rotten eggs at Jenny McCarthy. Etc. That seems rather unfair to the eggs. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/64 "2013-12-30T18:16:21Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’m pretty sure they were traveling to Jerusalem for a census, not on a pilgrimage. But the underlying sexy-time joke still works. 🙂 I wasn’t really referring to the Nativity story as Jesus was already in the womb at that time, but the idea that since the bible does mention later pilgrimages to Jerusalem in which they traveled caravan style (you know the story where they lose young Jesus for awhile because they are traveling in a big group), it’s probable to assume Mary, Joseph, and their respective families had also done this before Jesus’s birth. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/65 "2013-12-30T18:26:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > My point exactly, sir. Robert April is mentioned in the animated series and in a novel by, um, Diane Carey or Vonda McIntyre or somebody, but never in the live-action series or the movies as far as I know. (I haven’t seen the latest one and will shoot in the knee anyone who suggests that I should.) So it’s easy to argue that April doesn’t/never existed in the “real” continuity. If I were talking to someone who insisted on believing one way or the other, I’d just concede the point to we could return to discussing the real issue: whether 1960s!Nichelle Nichols was hotter than 2010s!Zoe Saldana, and whether anyone had skin shots to support his/her case. Oh… OK. Yes, I agree on the details. Just wanted to jostle your elbow. 😉 Both of those actresses are beautiful and Nyota Uhura is a really great character. I haven’t seen enough of Ms Saldana to really make a judgement of this, but right now Ms Nichols is in my estimation more long-lastingly lovely. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/66 "2013-12-30T18:29:02Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Are we talking regular paper picture books and Bibles, or board books? If it’s regular paper, I vote origami. Preferably little hats for your all-baby production of selected scenes from _Pirates of Penzance_. I’m sure some of the other stuff can be turned into props for other shows wherein your sons are [del]bombarded with show tunes and thereby thoroughly innoculated with Teh Ghey [/del] exposed to lots of music that helps their little brains develop.\* > > - This is my avowed explanation for getting my 2 year old niece a full percussion set, and I’m sticking to it. (My brother knows what he did.) You did NOT actually do that, did you? Really? You mean one of those miniature sets? hahahhahahahhaha Now, that is evil. And funny. Two years old. What the heck did your brother do to deserve this? You have to tell us. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/67 "2013-12-30T18:32:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :: athenist hat :: > > The Goddess has no need for temples and little patience with temple-builders. One worships her only at her invitation, and said worship is expected to take the form of something either intellectually rigorous or socially useful. Studying calculus. Slaying bandits. Throwing rotten eggs at Jenny McCarthy. Etc. I agree that the Goddess needs no temples, but humans apparently do. Witness the Parthenon. I seem to remember a rather significant statue was in there. Perhaps her absence is because she rejected the temple and vacated to another locus. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/68 "2013-12-30T18:35:56Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > Oh… OK. Yes, I agree on the details. Just wanted to jostle your elbow. 😉 > > Both of those actresses are beautiful and Nyota Uhura is a really great character. > I haven’t seen enough of Ms Saldana to really make a judgement of this, but right now Ms Nichols is in my estimation more long-lastingly lovely. Saldana doesn 't really do it for me. I don’t know why. Something about her face. It’s not displeasing, mind you; just not beautiful or hot to my eyes. 60s! Nichelle, on the other hand, was made of hot. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/69 "2013-12-30T18:46:49Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > I agree that the Goddess needs no temples, but humans apparently do. Witness the Parthenon. I seem to remember a rather significant statue was in there. Perhaps her absence is because she rejected the temple and vacated to another locus. Filthy Etruscan! To throw the mistakes of Her youth back at her! ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/70 "2013-12-30T21:55:37Z")
Put all of the paraphernalia on display in a glass curio. Then tie it up with thick rusty chains and an [antique padlock](http://www.prices4antiques.com/Lock-Padlock-Trenton-Lock-Hardware-Co-Werewolf-Cast-Iron-D9750241.html) and install it in the guest bedroom for when your relatives come to visit. For bonus points #1: paint a Wiccan pentagram of protection on the door with red nail polish For bonus points #2: use a lighted curio and install a red lightbulb. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/71 "2013-12-30T23:08:28Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Crucify them, of course. > > For the books, there’s [this.](http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/12/07/how-to-make-a-secret-book-safe/) I’ve got _several_ of these. Won’t my heirs be surprised! ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/72 "2013-12-30T23:53:15Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I can remember being given a 33.33 record of some famous female actress reading bible stories. I would probably recognize her name if it were suggested. I remembered - Greer Garson. Talk about audio pablum … ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/73 "2013-12-30T23:59:46Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > You did NOT actually do that, did you? Really? You mean one of those miniature sets? hahahhahahahhaha Now, that is evil. And funny. > Two years old. What the heck did your brother do to deserve this? You have to tell us. You mean the set with the hand drum, maracas, tambourine, and scratchy stick thing? I most certainly did. As for what he did, let’s just say he was the sort of brother who, when forced to let his little sister play with him and his friends, changed the rules of any game so the first person to make her cry won. And I believe 7 years later, she still has the drum. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360/74 "2013-12-31T00:11:47Z")
Us the toys to make a stop motion movie version of the joke in the Aristocrats. **Capt** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-we-do-with-these-very-christian-xmas-presents-silly-answers-only-please/677360.md?page=3)