# What should you do if you belatedly find out you've fed someone something they shouldn't/wouldn't eat? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2024, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447 "2024-08-09T00:30:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/21 "2024-08-09T16:52:27Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > > [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > > > We have both Hindu Brahmin and Muslim friends who don’t eat anything at our house. The Brahmins because anything I touch is apparently unclean and the Muslims because everything in our kitchen even the cutlery and crockery is assumed to have touched pork. > > Are you okay with this? It would bother me. A lot. It may seem more normal to me because anyone keeping really strict kosher couldn’t eat anything from my plates, pots, and utensils either; so I understand that sort of restriction. The idea is that the dishes etc. aren’t clean of the non-kosher things that have been in them unless they’ve been ceremonially cleaned. They’re not saying the person is essentially contaminated in the ordinary sense. Ceremonially unclean is not the same thing. They themselves (at least in Judaism) are routinely made ceremonially unclean by various normal issuances of the body or sometimes by other things, which call for specific cleansing techniques. Luckily none of my family are that strict about it; though some of them I’m careful not to serve pork, shellfish, or mixed meat and dairy. I don’t know whether there’s a specific cleansing technique, in whatever religion, for discovering that one has accidentally eaten something forbidden. It seems to me that if there is, then the person should be told, so they can do the cleansing ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/22 "2024-08-09T17:06:55Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > I feel like I was in a similar situation. I worked with a girl who was vegetarian from India. She absolutely loved Caesar salad. I never told her that it has fish in it. Sorry, @wolfpup has told me in no uncertain terms that the clam juice in Clamato is NOT fish. (Apologies for the dumb joke. I know about the anchovies.) > [@JaneDoe42](#): > > OTOH, when my Dad was alive, he would come to stay with us for a few days or a week. We both worked, so he was in the habit of using his key to go in and would make himself lunch and snacks while we were gone. This was all perfectly fine with us, his hobby was fixing things and we had an old fixer that needed love. > > One day he showed up while I was at work (and before I had a chance to shop for him) and when I got home I asked what he had had for lunch so I didn’t make the same thing for dinner. > > He said he had made a potted turkey sandwich. I hadn’t shopped for him so I knew we didn’t have any potted meat (ICK!). I causally peeked in the trash can to see an empty can of Wellness turkey cat food. Well, at least you knew you weren’t making the same thing for dinner. > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > > [@TriPolar](#): > > > > Unless there’s a matter of health involved say nothing. I don’t know how all religions would regard an unknowing consumer of proscribed food but some certainly don’t consider that a sin in an any way as there was no intent or knowledge. And anybody that does consider it a sin can go to hell. > > If they’re correct that it’s an offense, they may in fact be going to hell. Don’t worry; they’re not correct that it’s an offense, and hell isn’t a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/23 "2024-08-09T17:29:28Z")
You know that and I know that but . . . ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/24 "2024-08-09T17:35:13Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Don’t worry; they’re not correct that it’s an offense, and hell isn’t a thing. I’ve been to hell. It’s real. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/25 "2024-08-09T20:00:19Z")
![](https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExMmIzbG1lNmNuNXdvNHZpZDNrbHo1OWlqd3ZuY3N0Y3pjZ29tNGd6YyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/1Z6WwwTxuyul2/giphy.gif "walking heat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY") ---
**Author:** ![Max\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@Max\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_S)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/26 "2024-08-09T20:25:12Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > So, my question is, in a situation like that, where you know after the fact that someone has unknowingly trespassed against some religious or ethical rule they hold, what’s the right thing to do? Do you tell them? Do you stay quiet? I tell him, unless I know him well enough to assume he/his parents prefer bliss over religious adherence. Not telling is tantamount to you not caring about his religion. There are multiple reasons to take this approach. If nobody speaks up, nothing is stopping the scenario from repeating at someone else’s house. And it’s unlikely the kid makes the offhand “I didn’t think I’d fit in, having to eat halal food” comment again. It could blow up when kid’s parents first go to dinner at some other house and learn their kid has been breaking the rules for weeks, months, years, as opposed to just one meal. ~Max ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/27 "2024-08-09T20:25:41Z")
I’d probably just keep my mouth shut. i.e. I don’t see any reason to tell my vegan friend the bread he ate at my house a week ago contained some animal products. Just to be clear, I would never deliberately feed someone something with ingredients they didn’t want. But unless they consume something that might harm them, why bring it up? ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/28 "2024-08-09T20:44:26Z")
I made hamburger helper using ground deer meat. It’s how I usually made it. Had a neighbor over for dinner. I don’t know if they noticed a difference in taste or not. I didn’t think about it until later that some people might object to deer meat. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/29 "2024-08-09T21:05:55Z")
My Daddy put calfbrains in our scrambled eggs every Sunday morning. We never knew til we were grown up. It was his long con joke he pulled. I still have my doubts. I just can’t reproduce his scrambled eggs tho’. I’ve tried for years. 🙄 Also, my husband’s old Aunt was a strict Baptist. No alcohol ever passed her lips. Til, we were at a wedding shower. They had champagne punch. She had about 4 cups. We poured her in the car and took her home. Next day her head hurt and she just couldn’t understand. I said nothing. I don’t know if she ever knew. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@Max\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_S)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/30 "2024-08-09T21:09:15Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Ceremonially unclean is not the same thing. They themselves (at least in Judaism) are routinely made ceremonially unclean by various normal issuances of the body or sometimes by other things, which call for specific cleansing techniques. Exactly, and there may be rituals the person is obligated to undertake to cleanse themselves of impurity which, if you do not tell them about the impurity, they won’t have the occasion to cleanse. There are examples in the Bible where severe ritual impurity spreads by touch and can defile an entire sanctuary or assembly of worshipers (specifically, handling corpses, see Numbers 19). ~Max ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/31 "2024-08-09T21:16:07Z")
Modern Judaism has no such cleansing ritual, so at least for us I see no reason to tell. The burden IMO is always on the guest to let their hosts know about any dietary restrictions, ideally as far in advance as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@Max\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_S)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/32 "2024-08-09T21:26:45Z")
The ritual was and is to have a priest sprinkle water treated with ashes of a sacrificed red cow, which is no longer possible due to the lack of red cows and a temple for sacrifice. One opinion I have heard is that, therefore, every Jew is ritually impure and cut off from God. ~Max ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2024, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/33 "2024-08-09T22:32:22Z")
That kind of “impurity” has nothing to do with disobeying commandments. All Jews today are indeed impure in the red-cow sense, but happily the only thing that prevents us from doing is entering the Temple, which hasn’t existed for 1954 years anyway. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/34 "2024-08-10T08:18:01Z")
> [@Max\_S](#): > > if nobody speaks up, nothing is stopping the scenario from repeating at someone else’s house. It could blow up when kid’s parents first go to dinner at some other house and learn their kid has been breaking the rules for weeks, months, years, as opposed to just one meal. The mother is not responsible for what happens at someone else’s house. She prepared forbidden food for her son and his friend. Once. And it will never happen again, because she respects the friend. Her house is now a safe zone for the friend. That is all that matters. If the friend and his parents eat at other people’s homes, well, they should take responsibility and tell the other people about their diet restrictions. And, after it has already happened, I would never tell someone I fed them forbidden food. What’s done is done. Just be more careful in the future. (I have lots of experience with this…on both sides, as the guest, and the host…The rules for kosher food are vastly more complex than halal, and people observe many varying levels of strictness. Moral of the story: Mistakes happen— and are best ignored. (like answering the famous question: do these jeans make my butt look fat? …some things do not need to be said. Life is too short.) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/35 "2024-08-10T08:37:12Z")
To me that is a bit different, because there is no “feeder” involved who would be embarrassed. I would suggest that you tell the vegetarian, gently, that Caesar salad often involves anchovies, so she might want to be extra careful about making sure she only eats the vegetarian version. There ARE Caesar salads that are vegetarian - I know, because I’ve made them (they feature capers instead of anchovies). No doubt she has virtually always eaten anchovies in her Caesar salads, but no need to rub it in. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/36 "2024-08-10T08:37:55Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > “Least said, soonest mended” she said she’d decided, Yep, wise words. > [@doreen](#): > > As someone who could have been in that position , if it’s a religious/ethical thing keep your mouth shut and don’t tell me that there was meat in those beans I ate on a Friday during Lent. Yep. Unless allergies or something health wise is being involved. Now Chabad says that is a Bad thing. But that’s Chabad. 🙄 My Conservative friend says - Oops. And that’s it. But I am not sure what an orthodox rabbi would say. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Don’t worry; they’re not correct that it’s an offense, and hell isn’t a thing. That is what he said. It’s an oops, learn from it and go on with your life. > [@Thing.Fish](#): > > Modern Judaism has no such cleansing ritual, so at least for us I see no reason to tell. Except Chabad, but… ---
**Author:** ![JacobSwan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@JacobSwan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JacobSwan)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/37 "2024-08-10T09:22:41Z")
I met a Rabbi once at a very non kosher BBQ. He told me that to not eat when you’re hungry is a form of self abuse, which is a bigger sin than eating non-kosher. And that rejecting a neighbours hospitality is also a sin. So just avoid the obvious pork products and don’t eat too much and g-d will be fine. I also remember some film director (Alan Clarke?) wanting his young jewish actors to react to eating pork in a realistic way. So he told them that the beef sausages were in fact pork so they would cry and vomit. That’s the opposite of this thread and a real dick move. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/38 "2024-08-10T09:54:06Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I know, because I’ve made them (they feature capers instead of anchovies). That sounds tasty! I’ve had Caesar salads, including those made at fancy steakhouses where they’re prepared tableside, and I’ve seen the anchovies going in (not big fan of anchovies here), but they do add a bit. But capers would be really interesting to try in a Caesar salad instead of anchovies. Thanks for the tip! ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/39 "2024-08-10T10:40:53Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I would suggest that you tell the vegetarian, gently, that Caesar salad often involves anchovies, so she might want to be extra careful about making sure she only eats the vegetarian version. There ARE Caesar salads that are vegetarian I’ve had to warn relatives that Mennonite pie crusts are often made with lard. It doesn’t occur to everybody that there might be pork in a dessert! And to point out to some bakers selling at market that “shortening” isn’t enough to put on an ingredient label – you have to specify what kind of shortening. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2024, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447/40 "2024-08-10T14:18:01Z")
> [@JacobSwan](#): > > avoid the obvious pork products In the delightful documentary _The Search for General Tso_, a Jewish celebrity explains his kosher-keeping family’s approach to Chinese food in the 1950s: “If you can’t tell what it is, it’s probably fine.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-should-you-do-if-you-belatedly-find-out-youve-fed-someone-something-they-shouldnt-wouldnt-eat/1005447.md?page=3)