Since the intent of communication is to communicate, I’ve chosen to teach my daughter “vagina”, even though I know it’s not technically correct. But more of the kids in her class will be taught “vagina” than “vulva”, I expect. And, most importantly, most *doctors will probably refer to it as “vagina” or “privates” if asking her a question about it, and I want to be absolutely sure she doesn’t feel confused or ashamed when talking to a doctor, ever.
But I also agree that “it has more than one name” is the way to go. So far we’ve gone through “vagina”, “privates”, and her choice and favorite: “pee-pee”. I hate that last one, to be honest, but it’s what one of her friends calls his penis, and no amount of trying to equate penis with pee-pee and telling her she doesn’t have a pee-pee, she has a vagina, seems to stick. Sigh. Her first peer-over-parent-preference, and it started at 2! I don’t say pee-pee, but I don’t pretend not to understand it when she uses it.
*My mom was 10 years old and alone in the hospital recovering from appendicitis while her mother was delivering another baby across town. One morning, when she was sitting on a bedpan, a doctor came in and asked her if she had “moved her bowels” yet. She had no idea what he meant. “Had a BM?” No clue. So the doctor picked her up - a solitary, in pain, confused 10 year old girl, mind you - to look into the bedpan! She was so frightened and mortified by the whole thing that she vowed right then and there to teach her kids (me) the proper, common names of things so I’d never be in the same position. And she did.
My wife is Brazilian and we have two sons. They have always referred to their penis as their “pinto” or “pintinho”. That’s Portuguese for “chick” by the way. Just like most other languages Portuguese has about a gazillion slang words for the human reproductive organs, but pinto is the accepted one for little boy pee-pees.
When speaking German to me they use “Schwanz” or “Spätzle” (“Schwanz” translates to “tail” and “Spätzle” is “small sparrow”). “Spätzle” is also the name of a type of homemade noodles from Southern Germany and Austria. They are called that because they resemble a little boy’s penis.
The two and four year old girls in my household have pee-pees, bums, and boobies. When we get into more specifity anatomy, they’ll learn the other names. I don’t have a problem using “childish” euphemisms for these parts any more than I have a problem calling their stomach their tummy, or their toes their piggies. They know that piggies are also called toes. I don’t think having more than one name for a body part automatically introduces shame, assuming that at some point they learn the alternate names.
My eldest tried on a hat one day and informed me that she has a big skull. She likes learning the names of bones, and has no trouble understanding that body parts can be called by different names. I think the parent’s attitude has more of an effect on how children think of genitals than the naming convention.
My wife’s been using “no-no” with our little one, but I’m not too thrilled with that one. Of course, I’m even less thrilled with the name the little Torqueling came up with on her own at around 16 months old. I shall explain:
I usually wear shirts with a front pocket. The pocket is a handy place to store the odd dropped pacifier and such. One day, she figured that out, and learned how to say, “Pocket!” while she groped around in my pocket for her pacifier. She also pulls out other stuff I have in there, which means she’s learned the words for “pen” and, even more alarmingly, “money”.
So one day I’m changing her diaper. I lean over to put the diaper in the pail and cycle it, keeping my left hand by her side so she can’t roll off. When I straighten back up, she has her fingers in her hooty-hoo, and is proclaiming, “Pocket!” Oh, lord. Parenting books do not prepare you for situations like this.
Even worse, I was at my parents’ house the next day, and she loves taking the little river rocks out of their fountain and carrying them around. My mother sees her walking around with one of the rocks, and tells her to “put in in your pocket.” The little Torqueling then hikes up her skirt and starts trying to figure out exactly how to do that. I had to explain to my parents what she was doing. Yet again, a conversation that I never anticipated having.
My husband’s cousin referred to her daughter’s genitals as her vulva when her daughter and my son used to take baths together, and my son now always refers to girl parts as “vulva.” He, of course, has a penis. Well, now that he’s almost 7, he apparently has a “wiener.”
We taught the proper names from the beginning. He knows he has a penis and scrotum, although we sometimes refer to them collectively as his genitals. He’s learning all the fun names from his friends now. And teaching them to his little brother. And then there’s much giggling.
You think you’re joking, but I drive a Volvo, and I swear my dear mother is completely incapable of pronouncing it correctly. I cringe at the thought of her telling her friends that her son owns a silver convertible Vlv. They’re going to think I’m some kind of perv.
“He’s in it all the time; he says it’s much more comfortable than his wife’s old beater.”
We have always used “private parts,” and then taught the kids the proper names as they got a little older which has worked very well (they are 10 & 12 now, one of each).
IMHO parents who foist off too-cute euphemisms on the kids never quite came to grips with using the correct terms themselves.
The difficult thing about vagina is that usually isn’t what little girls are referring to. Unlike Fessie’s daughter or Max’s, I’m not sure if my nine year old has located her vagina yet - it isn’t the most accessible or visible part of a woman’s own anatomy. (She certainly has some idea where it is, but I don’t know if she’s bothered to go find it - I’m old enough to remember the mirror and a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves” and saying “oh, wow, that’s it.”). Woman’s anatomy is complicated, the important parts are hidden. Mons, vulva, labia, vagina - all refer to different parts - and unlike boys there aren’t sticky outy parts that sort of scream for self identification (penis and scrotum) - how the mons is different from the vulva is a question I’m not sure most people not medically trained could answer. What girls want is the name for the “front side of their butt” - and that isn’t a vagina.
I wonder however, why we get so nervous about the proper name for vulva, vagina and penis and let kids refer to their butt as - their butt. Few ever insist that their two year old refer to their anus, or make them say buttocks or glutes.
But, through popular usage, it’s *become *the layperson’s term for the body area just as stomach refers to the abdominal region, and not just the organ that churns food and adds acid to it.
Has it? I have never heard it used as such. But it could be regional, or it could be I don’t spend a lot of time talking about the area between my legs in real life. I’ve heard that area referred to by laypeople as “crotch” or “groin.”
We did the same thing with our son. I don’t understand why there’s a need for euphemisms. (Although, I tend towards saying ‘vulva’.)
If nothing else, police departments and groups devoted to sexual abuse prevention tend to recommend teaching children the proper names for genitalia to help prevent, and in case of, molestation or sexual assault. The second link suggests providing the proper names around 18 months of age.
Finally, on a lighter note, this thread is reminding me of Dr. Elliot Reed on Scrubs and her names for ‘private parts’. (That link goes to YouTube.)
I’d vote for “privates”–if you’re talking about the whole region. It’s not silly, and it’s all inclusive. If she gets into specific questions about anatomy, I’d think using the clinical terms would be best. There’s gotta be some good kids books that you could use to help explain things, right?
Well, it’s usually the most common “not slang” term offered in threads like these. It’s unusual for vuvla to prevail - usually I’m the first one to bring it up, and people look at me weird. I suppose for the usual roll-eyes, I’ll have to march out “yoni” as a substitute.
Really, except when we’re feeling pedantic, is there anyone who wouldn’t know what was meant if a small child said she had a vagina? I wouldn’t understand “kitty” or “pie” without context clues and “hooty-hoo” is just ridiculous sounding.
And, if we are feeling pedantic, “groin” is the part where your leg meets your wiggedy snappit, not the vulva itself. So it’s no more or less correct than “vagina”. “Crotch”, I’ll grant, although it sounds vulgar.
