This made me laugh out loud. I wish I had that in my own family tree!
I have a five greats grandfather who fought in the Revolutionary War and at one point was courtmartialed. His sentence was later commuted when they needed more warm bodies to fight.
His crime? He was a Protestant who refused to fight along with the soldiers Lafayette brought over from France. They were Catholic, and to him that was just not right.
GG grandmother married at 13. Forced into marriage and in order to get the family to American( from Germany)
Heh. Lets see… Related to the House of Windsor and all of their dysfunction and idiosyncrasies. A whole lot of them would have to suddenly expire to make me Queen of England, however. 
Mary Queen of Scots with all of her intrigue and bloodletting is also a distant relative.
Dear old daddy’s side of the family in Germany were all loyal Nazi party members before, during, and apparently after the war as well.
Great Uncle Charlie was a raving alcoholic. Some say he drank himself into the grave to escape his shrew of a wife. :o
And last but not least, there were a couple of relatives that met their end on a rope in Salem Mass, as well.
I have a paternal uncle who was murdered a short time before I was born. He was a conman, and his regular partner wasn’t available, so he partnered with another guy. Then he slept with the guy’s wife. Then the guy blew his head off with a shotgun. From my father’s description, it was no great loss. Uncle was probably a sociopath. He just loved messing with people and had no problem taking their money.
A maternal-by-marriage uncle was a closeted gay man. He carried on affairs through his whole marriage and also molested the Filipino houseboy they employed. When my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, he decided that was the time to come clean, leave, and try to take all the money. Thankfully, one of the cousins married a big shot lawyer, and uncle had to split 50/50 with aunt. Most of the family never spoke to him again.
My paternal grandmother was told by her brother that she could choose between her new husband and the rest of the family. She chose her husband, and her brother but her off for the rest of his life. My dad grew up thinking he only had a couple of siblings. When he started investigating our genealogy, he found his mom was the youngest of seventeen children.
My mom has brown eyes. One day, I was looking at a picture of my maternal grandparents and realized that they both had blue eyes. Now, it’s possible, though unlikely, for two blue-eyed parents to have a brown-eyed child. Something about codons getting swapped around. However, Mom had a really nasty aunt tell her once that her mother wasn’t her mother. And Mom was the youngest by ten years. Her oldest sister was 16 when she was born. The sister, in turn, married a not very nice, not well liked man whose mother hated her guts. Really makes me wonder.
My favorite one, though, is a g’g’g’g’g’g’uncle who was the only one of Quantrell’s Raiders killed in the raid on Lawrence, Kansas. Old Larkin Skaggs was a Baptist preacher and a slave trader. During the raid, he took offense when a woman he stole a ring from appealed to Quantrell, and Quantrell ordered him to give the ring back. He got drunk, murdered two teenage boys, and then went to the woman’s house and tried to set it on fire. By putting a match to the porch step. Which the woman kept blowing out. At some point, he realized he couldn’t hear the others anymore and that they must have left without him. He tried to run, but the posse spotted him and shot him out of his saddle. He was dead when he hit the ground, so they tied a rope around his ankle, secured it to his horse, and dragged his carcass back to town. Then, they hanged him, and after a few days, cut him down and threw his body in a ditch, set fire to it, and left it there for passing Indians and freed slaves to piss on. Yup, good ole’ Larkin. Totally got what was coming to him.