# What skills and knowledge would I need to defeat a gorilla in hand to hand combat? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 14, 2007, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990 "2007-01-14T22:28:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/21 "2007-01-15T04:11:00Z")
Damn! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/22 "2007-01-15T04:32:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sage Rat] Put on a blond wig and stand next to the Empire States building? [/QUOTE] I was going to say the skill and knowledge to call in a squadron of bi-planes. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/23 "2007-01-15T04:41:28Z")
[QUOTE=David Simmons] Damn! [/QUOTE] A simul post. Sir, I am honored. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/24 "2007-01-15T07:01:10Z")
[QUOTE=lostronin] Spear hand right down the throat [/QUOTE] Awwww… you confused the poor fella! -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/25 "2007-01-15T07:27:12Z")
Bend Over ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/26 "2007-01-15T08:13:28Z")
[QUOTE=David Simmons] I don’t know about a 90 lb. chimpanze, but [here’s what two of them did.](http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/state/20050304-0117-ca-chimpanzeeattack.html) [/QUOTE] Let that be a lesson to you: Share the cake. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/27 "2007-01-15T08:16:38Z")
[QUOTE=Lumpy] I’m sorry, the only “hand to hand” technique that would have a chance is being able to smoothly pull the trigger of a .44 magnum. [/QUOTE] Hee, I was going to ask if a semiautomatic handgun counts as a hand-to-hand weapon. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/28 "2007-01-15T12:04:46Z")
swimming, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/29 "2007-01-15T12:28:14Z")
[QUOTE=AHunter3] I would, of course, tutor him well on the techniques of guerrilla warfare [/QUOTE] \ ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/30 "2007-01-15T12:34:23Z")
[QUOTE=Krokodil] Out of curiosity, how small does a simian have to be to constitute a fair fight with a human? Spider monkey? Bonobo? [/QUOTE] Question: what happens when you lose to a Bonobo??? :o ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/31 "2007-01-15T12:43:56Z")
[QUOTE=China Guy] Question: what happens when you lose to a Bonobo??? :o [/QUOTE] They’ll be a bungle in the jungle! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/32 "2007-01-15T16:07:05Z")
What is this fascination with fighting vegetarians? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/33 "2007-01-15T18:06:46Z")
[QUOTE=glee] What is this fascination with fighting vegetarians? 🙂 [/QUOTE] It’s fascination with fighting, but most non-vegetarians are just too tough to take on for a human being. Pretty much anything badger sized and above wil kick human ass. Now, humans can kill pretty much anything that leaves tracks and runs from us by virtue of being the best long distance runners among all land animals. I don’t have a cite for this but human world record holders can sustain an average of 6 miles per hour for over 48 hours. Now, let’s consider things that might not run from us and aren’t big enough to crush and stomp us instantly (hippos, buffalo, elephants, etc. ). I’m thinking gorillas, ostriches and mountain goats. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/34 "2007-01-15T18:22:52Z")
[QUOTE=mr. jp] Interesting about our muscles being useless compared to a chimps. I wonder what the evolutionary reason for this is. [/QUOTE] I’d guess that tools made the energy devoted to building up muscle not well spent, since if we simply carried around a spear like any sensible paleolithic we’d be able to defeat a chimp with or without huge muscles. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/35 "2007-01-15T18:58:42Z")
As usual, [BATMAN IS PREPARED.](http://www.lethargiclad.com/gorilla/dc339.gif) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Just1Lurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@Just1Lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just1Lurk)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/36 "2007-01-15T19:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor:** > As usual, BATMAN IS PREPARED. Some days you just can’t get rid of a gorilla bomb! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/37 "2007-01-15T19:25:55Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] As usual, [BATMAN IS PREPARED.](http://www.lethargiclad.com/gorilla/dc339.gif) 😃 [/QUOTE] Is it just me, or does Robin’s costume seem a little more…flamboyant than usual? ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/38 "2007-01-15T21:37:32Z")
How about chimp vs. gorilla. I know gorillas are much bigger, and probably stronger, and battle each other over dominance–but chimps are just damn mean, and gorillas are rumored to be rather shy. Any guesses??? ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/39 "2007-01-15T21:48:39Z")
[QUOTE=Earl Snake-Hips Tucker] Any guesses??? [/QUOTE] Does either one have a handgun? ---
**Author:** ![Capa84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8edcca/32.png) [@Capa84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capa84)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-skills-and-knowledge-would-i-need-to-defeat-a-gorilla-in-hand-to-hand-combat/387990/40 "2007-01-15T21:51:23Z")
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