# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shakester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shakester/32/437_2.png) [@Shakester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shakester)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/21 "2010-02-02T08:38:25Z")
I can’t imagine having a shopping list. Though, to be honest, I can’t imagine any circumstance that would result in me getting married anyway. I guess just about anyone I found passably attractive and whose personality I enjoyed, really. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/22 "2010-02-02T09:45:03Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > …But than again the big problem about not being married is that you may “burn with lust” and easily sexually tempted… Good point. Thank God this doesn’t happen once you get married. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/23 "2010-02-02T11:15:08Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > I would prefer that she share most of my theological and socio-political views though that’s not on the top of my list. . I think you should probably put this at the top of your list. Shared values is pretty important, in my humblest of opinions. All the rest is gravy. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/24 "2010-02-02T11:33:46Z")
> [@Rico](#): > > \ > > **Blinkie** , this isn’t the pit. Drop the personal insults and concentrate on the issue presented, please. > > \ Saying a person is gay is a personal insult? Who knew…? 😛 (I’m kidding – it **was** , IMHO, intended as an insult and was definitely taken as such – but still.) \*\*Curtis \*\*-- give up. One of these days, when you are least expecting it, love will jump you in a dark alley and steal your heart away. 🙂 Probably **after** you’re already married… ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/25 "2010-02-02T11:47:49Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Anyways my career is to be a politician thus it will help others. It has been my observation and experience that politicians don’t go into the profession to help others, they do it help themselves. Occasionally, along the way, other people get helped, too. ---
**Author:** ![fervour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@fervour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fervour)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/26 "2010-02-02T11:51:31Z")
> [@Rico](#): > > \ > > **Blinkie** , this isn’t the pit. Drop the personal insults and concentrate on the issue presented, please. > > \ **Blinkie** has never struck me as bigoted. Are you sure this is an insult? I could easily see how **blinkie’s** intent might be to inform the OP rather than insult —not that I agree with **blinkie** ’s assessment of **Curtis**. I am sure the OP perceived the comment as an insult. However, it’s pretty insulting to assert that thinking that someone might be gay is an insult. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/27 "2010-02-02T11:59:08Z")
Female. At least part-time heterosexual. Drinks. Eats meat. Not physically repulsive. Mental health under generally good control. This is asking a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/28 "2010-02-02T12:02:01Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > Saying a person is gay is a personal insult? Who knew…? 😛 Sure, in much the same way that telling someone gay that they’re just going through a phase is an insult. And bisexuals get it from both sides. It’s not an issue of considering one sexuality better than another (though obviously many insults are motivated by that too), it’s a question of not respecting someone else’s right to determine for themself what their sexuality is. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/29 "2010-02-02T12:05:44Z")
The sort of spouse who falls in love with me – and I, with her – based on experiences we’ve had together and the kind of connection we have with each other. This, as opposed to someone who has simply decided that I fit enough of the qualities on her Potential Mate Checklist. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/30 "2010-02-02T13:07:16Z")
Wait…did **Curtis** report him for calling him gay, or for the improper “your/you’re”? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/31 "2010-02-02T13:50:50Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > Wait…did **Curtis** report him for calling him gay, **or for the improper "your/you’re**"? That’s the part I found most offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/32 "2010-02-02T14:16:07Z")
Curtis, you’re still young. When I was in middle school, I thought I’d have my PhD by now. And two kids. And a big house. I just got married three weeks ago. Life changes. Don’t start picking out your wife just yet. … and on a side note, most politicians I know are not the “helping others” sort… ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/33 "2010-02-02T14:51:25Z")
I dunno, having a whole separate sentence specifying a woman and then specifying that her attractiveness shouldn’t be of the sexy sort kinda pinged my closet-meter. It’s not an insult, just a note that fully heterosexual people tend to take it as read that their prospective spouse will be of the opposite sex and jump right into the other qualities they’d like that person to have and that people typically want their spouses to be sexually attractive to them. It’s at the very least an odd way of phrasing things, and if the OP is going into politics the implications of odd phrasings is the sort of thing that can make or break a career. My expectations of a spouse were that he would be someone I liked and respected and found physically attractive and that those feelings would be mutual. Beyond that, I was pretty flexible, although those conditions did carry a lot of corollaries; for me to like and respect someone they have to be a generally good person who treats humans and critters well, have a compatible sense of humor, and all that jazz. My expectations have been fulfilled quite well, as they damn well should have been–I wouldn’t have started dating him if I weren’t pretty certain he fit those criteria, and I damn sure wouldn’t have married him if I weren’t 100% certain that he did. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/34 "2010-02-02T14:58:50Z")
I wanted a man who was funny, nice, intelligent, and handsome. Got it all. Forgot to specify “willing to hold down a job” and “responsible”. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/35 "2010-02-02T14:59:16Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I dunno, having a whole separate sentence specifying a woman and then specifying that her attractiveness shouldn’t be of the sexy sort kinda pinged my closet-meter. It’s not an insult, just a note that fully heterosexual people tend to take it as read that their prospective spouse will be of the opposite sex and jump right into the other qualities they’d like that person to have and that people typically want their spouses to be sexually attractive to them. It’s at the very least an odd way of phrasing things, and if the OP is going into politics the implications of odd phrasings is the sort of thing that can make or break a career. I dunno, I read it more that the OP is quite sexually repressed, possibly due to his faith. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/36 "2010-02-02T15:05:40Z")
I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t expect to ever get married at all before I met my wife, and even then it took 8 years of living together before we got married. By the time I had any expectations for a spouse, I already had a spouse. You shouldn’t get too up in your head about what a “wife” needs to be as a category. You’re not buying a car. It’s a person. You aren’t ordering to specifications. If you meet the right person, they will be that person, not a bundle of types and specs. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/37 "2010-02-02T15:06:10Z")
My “list”, when it boiled down to it, was someone who loved me for who I was. I got that. I mean, I thought I had all kinds of things on my list but I just wanted to be loved. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/38 "2010-02-02T15:14:00Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > But than again the big problem about not being married is that you may “burn with lust” and easily sexually tempted. Marriage doesn’t change either one of these things, and what’s wrong with either of them if you’re single? ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/39 "2010-02-02T15:52:19Z")
You will throw away your list if you actually meet someone you really want to be with. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/40 "2010-02-02T15:57:38Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > You will throw away your list if you actually meet someone you really want to be with. I hope not. Or rather, I hope that your list reflects your values and you are able to hold to your values in reality. I mean if your list is “nice ass” and “rich” - that is perhaps shallow and hopefully when you meet someone with rich inner qualities you want to be with the list will get set aside (or your definition of ‘nice ass’ will adjust to fit the person you love). But if your list includes things like “responsible” and “kind” I would hope that the first hot guy on a motorcycle with a bad attitude doesn’t make you question why you wanted “responsible and kind.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=3)