# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/41 "2010-02-02T16:00:39Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Haw haw very funny… > > Anyways my career is to be a politician thus it will help others. That’s all we need is more **career politicians**. Try doing something that contributes to society. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/42 "2010-02-02T16:00:54Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > Curtis, you’re still young. When I was in middle school, I thought I’d have my PhD by now. And two kids. And a big house. > > I just got married three weeks ago. Life changes. Don’t start picking out your wife just yet. Thisthisthis. Your expectations might seem reasonable now, but trust me when I say it ain’t gonna happen that way. Also, this: > [@](#): > > …than again the big problem about not being married is that you may “burn with lust” and easily sexually tempted. …happens regardless of whether or not you’re married. In many circumstances, it’ll be _worse_ if you’re married. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/43 "2010-02-02T16:00:55Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I dunno, having a whole separate sentence specifying a woman and then specifying that her attractiveness shouldn’t be of the sexy sort kinda pinged my closet-meter. I see it as part of not wanting a woman who will dominate him. He’s worried that a woman who’s too sexy would be intimidating. **Curtis** , one of the ways to know that you’ve found the right woman is that to you, she’ll _be_ sexy, regardless of whether she matches whatever you’re imagining “sexy” to be right now. Ideally neither of you should dominate the marriage, but perhaps that’s what you meant. As for significantly older women, it’s healthier to consider that people of very different ages are likely to have very different goals and expectations in a relationship. Writing people off as “hags” is just self-defeating bitterness. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/44 "2010-02-02T16:01:02Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I hope not. Or rather, I hope that your list reflects your values and you are able to hold to your values in reality. I mean if your list is “nice ass” and “rich” - that is perhaps shallow and hopefully when you meet someone with rich inner qualities you want to be with the list will get set aside (or your definition of ‘nice ass’ will adjust to fit the person you love). But if your list includes things like “responsible” and “kind” I would hope that the first hot guy on a motorcycle with a bad attitude doesn’t make you question why you wanted “responsible and kind.” I was commenting on the OP’s list, specifically, not anyone who has qualities they’d like in a spouse. His list seems rather nit-picky and specific - smart, but not as smart as him, good looking but in a really specific way, etc. There’s a difference between wanting someone who has the same values, and having an image in your head nobody is going to be able to live up to. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/45 "2010-02-02T16:23:19Z")
Yeah, “I don’t want her to be as smart as me” is a pretty pathetic and insecure criterion. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/46 "2010-02-02T16:26:04Z")
> [@Rico](#): > > \ > > **Blinkie** , this isn’t the pit. Drop the personal insults and concentrate on the issue presented, please. > > \ Was **Blinkie** warned for insulting the OP or gays? Just to be clear… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/47 "2010-02-02T16:27:38Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yeah, “I don’t want her to be as smart as me” is a pretty pathetic and insecure criterion. Not to mention one that’s unlikely to be met. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/48 "2010-02-02T16:29:08Z")
1. Love me for who I am 2. Be a responsible adult 3. Have a good sense of humor In my experience the longer your list the more likely you will end up alone because no one can meet those requirements. Seriously, **Curtis** , if you found a woman who met all of your requirements but was attractive in a sexy way as opposed to a graceful way would you walk away from that because it wasn’t exactly what you put on your list? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/49 "2010-02-02T16:41:00Z")
1. Similar values to mine 2. Intelligence 3. Independence 4. Ability to suck a golf ball through ten feet of garden hose ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/50 "2010-02-02T16:48:43Z")
[Moderator Note]Gentle reminder to all-this is not The BBQ Pit. Thank you.[/Moderator Note] ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/51 "2010-02-02T16:53:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > My “list”, when it boiled down to it, was someone who loved me for who I was. I got that. I mean, I thought I had all kinds of things on my list but I just wanted to be loved. This is most of my list. I’d also like my wife to be into Sci-Fi and fantasy. When I was married it got annoying that we were not into the same type of movies. So come a saturday night and we were just staying in I’d want to watch “Super Awesome Kickass I’ll Blow Your Brians Out To The Extreme” movie and she wanted to watch “Driving Miss Daisy” we’d end up in seperate rooms watching our seperate movies. Damnit I want to cuddle up under a blanket with my wife and some popcorn and a kitty in our laps with a dog snoozing at our feet while we watch “Super Awesome Kickass I’ll Blow Your Brains Out To The Extreme” movie. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/52 "2010-02-02T17:00:14Z")
That’s one of the things I love about my own wife. She abhors chick flicks and would much rather watch something like _District 9_ than the latest Nicholas Sparks turd. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/53 "2010-02-02T17:15:43Z")
One of the things I love about my soon-to-be wife is that she isn’t into most of the stuff I am, so I can sound knowledgeable about this week’s _Idol_ at the water cooler without actually having to watch it. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/54 "2010-02-02T17:50:59Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > I was commenting on the OP’s list, specifically, not anyone who has qualities they’d like in a spouse. His list seems rather nit-picky and specific - smart, but not as smart as him, good looking but in a really specific way, etc. > > There’s a difference between wanting someone who has the same values, and having an image in your head nobody is going to be able to live up to. Well, yes…Curtis’ list is a little… But, when I made my list initially I sort of left off the same sorts of things Otternell did - and got what I asked for. Experience and time fixed that - and the arrival of a bimbo willing to take my husband off my hands and free me to correct my mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/55 "2010-02-02T18:03:46Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I was just thinking that I would like to have a husband that paid all the bills as if he lived here, and yet lived somewhere else, and came over for short visits occasionally. Any takers? Take they paying bills part out of there and you’ve got what I’m looking for. Well, not really - I’m just so settled into my ways, it might take a crowbar to get me to change. Then again, I might meet the man of my dreams any day. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/56 "2010-02-02T18:09:16Z")
1. Funny 2. Not crazy/devoid of mother issues 3. Encourages my bad habits 4. Good in the sack ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/57 "2010-02-02T18:12:39Z")
The shared values part is the most important. That covers money, responsibility, and sex. I also wanted to find someone smart, and I did. married 31 years, so I think we chose well. BTW I think a spouse in general helps one’s career, in that you don’t have to spend a lot of time frustrated and you can often get her/him to cover when necessary - so long as you return the favor. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/58 "2010-02-02T18:17:41Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > The shared values part is the most important. That covers money, responsibility, and sex. In that order? > [@otternell](#): > > I wanted a man who was funny, nice, intelligent, and handsome. > > Got it all. > > Forgot to specify “willing to hold down a job” and “responsible”. > > Sigh. Gotta ask, ladies…How much of that means “willing to share life’s burdens and contribute to life’s necessities” and how much is “willing to play the game and run the rat race so I don’t feel ashamed to be seen with him”? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/59 "2010-02-02T18:27:33Z")
I’d like to marry someone I can love and respect as much as I did my late husband. Barring that, I won’t be getting remarried. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/60 "2010-02-02T18:53:06Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Gotta ask, ladies…How much of that means “willing to share life’s burdens and contribute to life’s necessities” and how much is “willing to play the game and run the rat race so I don’t feel ashamed to be seen with him”? It is 100% “willing to share life’s burdens and contribute to life’s necessities” for me. I don’t care what he does for a living as long as he makes enough for us to live the lifestyle we want to live and to be able to take care of himself if I were to die before him. If we have kids and we feel it would be financially beneficial for one of us to stay home he is welcome to be the one who does that. I think most of the women who fall in the “rat race” category are the ones whose spouses are picking them to be arm candy instead of a life partner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=4)