# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/81 "2010-02-03T08:08:08Z")
[ul] [li]Reciprocally loving[/li][li]Principled[/li][li]Like-minded[/li][li]Considerate[/li][li]Intelligent[/li][li]Attractive[/li][/ul] All of which describes my girlfriend to a T. I totally lucked out. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/82 "2010-02-03T08:34:17Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Actually I’m one of the top three or so smartest people in my grade level so most likely my spouse will not be intelligent as me. And as for in appearance at least I’ve seen (and briefly talked with a girl) who fits my criterion-though I strongly doubt I’ll end up married to her. **Curtis** my boy, in my humble opinion, you are easily the most fascinating person on this board. You strike me as intellectually curious and I admire anyone who chooses to engage in a forum whose views are more often than not contrary to their own. I think you may go far in life so long as you don’t get tripped up by your own moral and intellectual certitude. Though arrogance is in no short supply at the Dope, I am always a bit nonplussed when it comes from self-described good Christians, given the church’s condemnation of pride. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/83 "2010-02-03T09:15:30Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Actually I’m one of the top three or so smartest people in my grade level so most likely my spouse will not be intelligent as me. And as for in appearance at least I’ve seen (and briefly talked with a girl) who fits my criterion-though I strongly doubt I’ll end up married to her. As **Dio** said, join the club. Believe me, there are plenty of other people that were in the top ten percent in their school days. I think most of us manage to find our intellectual equals without too much trouble. For me the problem when dating was always in trying to find a guy I was sexually attracted to but was also responsible, caring, and made me feel secure and stable. Until I met my current boyfriend I didn’t think this was possible. Needless to say I feel incredible lucky that we ended up together and our relationship is the best thing in my life right now. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/84 "2010-02-03T09:40:41Z")
Someone whom otherwise I would be very good friends with and would fit contextually within my life, but that I’m also sexually attracted to and vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/85 "2010-02-03T12:53:08Z")
Beware of laundry lists. I made one and found a guy who matched everything, but I think for both of us there wasn’t physical chemistry (that wasn’t the only issue but this is absolutely huge when it’s not there). We carried on regardless and split in 2006. What you really need is love. You also have to retain your head enough to evaluate the relationship on its own merits along with the love. You can love someone with the heat of a million suns but if they can’t keep a job you must be cool headed enough not to commit to anything because that fire won’t last long if you’re starving. That’s where the laundry list does come (slightly) in handy. Nevertheless, once you are in love you’ll find that a missing laundry list item wasn’t necessarily the dealbreaker you thought it was when you were composing the list. My husband now coincidentally fits all my laundry list items, but if he weren’t as ambitious as I had noted on my list, I would have dropped that requirement and been right to do so. You must just use your rationality to decide whether those missing things are too much for you, and don’t commit until you’re sure. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/86 "2010-02-03T13:13:20Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Actually I’m one of the top three or so smartest people in my grade level so most likely my spouse will not be intelligent as me. If you’re the top kid in your grade, go to a college where you’re not. Or, if you are the top kid in your grade at college, go to a grad school or get a career where you’re not. There’s nothing more humbling and affirming (for me) at least, than realizing just how smart your spouse really is. I would rather wait than be with someone who wasn’t in the same ballpark as me intellectually. /edit: His kindness, emotional maturity,and humor are more important, but it is so nice to have someone who gets the same jokes and has some of the same interests that I do. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/87 "2010-02-03T13:19:48Z")
Honest. I would like to have an honest spouse. This is beginning to feel like to much to ask. I can’t imagine why, but there it is. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/88 "2010-02-03T18:05:54Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > If you were to be married what sort of a spouse would you like? If you’re already married what were your expectations and how much do you think your current spouses fit that? I hope you’ve gotten some ideas here for the kind of qualities you will need to develop for that perfect woman you’re looking for, too. You have lots of time. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/89 "2010-02-03T18:12:43Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I didn’t realize you were so young. Your posting style actually makes more sense now. > > Actually, for an 8th grader, you’re fairly bright. I’ll tell you that a lot of how you view the world now is going to be completely different by the time you’re old enough to get married. When you start having real relationships, you won’t be ticking off check boxes. You’ll be dealing with those partners as they are, not as abstract sets of criteria. Don’t be surprised if a woman ends up changing the way you think about some things. In fact, I can just about guarantee that will happen. I was thinking he may have just watched _Weird Science_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/90 "2010-02-03T18:17:28Z")
> [@Elyanna](#): > > Midget showing up on doorstop dressed as cupid. Painted gold. And is good in the sack. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/91 "2010-02-03T18:29:42Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > So you are maybe in the 94th percentile - assuming the population of your school is normal. You won’t have any problem finding plenty of women as bright as you are. The other thing is that as you get older you discover the idea of “different” intelligence. If you ask me who is smarter, I’d tell you my husband is. He has a better head for facts and can synthesize information better. He’s better with language as well. But he’d tell you I am - I grasp connections and abstractions better and can assess likely outcomes better and have a broader base of “general” knowledge in things like Literature, History, Art. (I don’t doubt he has the higher IQ…but there is not a question that I’m better looking.) Agreed. I ranked at least that high, and there are plenty of people out there who are at least as smart as I am. Being that smart in a small school doesn’t really indicate that you’re (necessarily) an extremely intellectually gifted person. Very smart, maybe, but there are hardly a shortage of people who were near the top of their classes at that point. You’ll meet more if/when you get to a bigger school, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/92 "2010-02-03T18:35:58Z")
I think it’s kind of like being over 6 feet tall, but not like NBA tall. Say you’re like 6’2". Yeah, it’s kind of tall. You’re often the tallest person in the room. You’re kind of used to being taller than most, but there’s still lots of _other_ tall people out there, and some of them are way, way taller than you. It isn’t hard to find an equally tall partner if you want to. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/93 "2010-02-03T18:39:47Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > **Curtis** my boy, in my humble opinion, you are easily the most fascinating person on this board. You strike me as intellectually curious and I admire anyone who chooses to engage in a forum whose views are more often than not contrary to their own. I think you may go far in life so long as you don’t get tripped up by your own moral and intellectual certitude. Though arrogance is in no short supply at the Dope, I am always a bit nonplussed when it comes from self-described good Christians, given the church’s condemnation of pride. This. Being a devout (but open-minded) Christian myself, I see a lot of the 14 year old me in Curtis, and it was only when I stopped getting off my moral high horse (and actually started _reading_ the words of Jesus rather than parroting what other Christians say he said - he was really big on loving, helping, and caring for those who regular religious people hate and was really down on those who were judgemental of others, you know 😉 ) that I started to become more of a better person - to myself and others. And, by the way, having that kind of attitude will not only win you more fans around here, but it will come in _real_ handy if you want to run for public office (which I’m all for (even though you seem to be a Republican and I’m firmly left of centre), I plan to run for school board myself when elections are due later this year sometime), you win more votes by being more inclusive. Not everyone shares your moral view. Not every woman does either, it’s good to have a lot of differences in a marriage too, my wife definitely doesn’t fit most of the criterion I had at 14, but I’m really glad I married her and not somoene like who I wanted then, it’s made me a better person. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/94 "2010-02-03T18:52:55Z")
As I’ve aged, my standards have dramatically fallen. Right now, I’d settle for a guy with all of his teeth and fewer than six tattoos… Seriously though, I think my standards have gotten tougher as I’ve realized that I’m capable of taking care of myself quite well. I’m also very set in my ways and not sure I could stand coming home from work and having someone be there all. the. freaking. time. That said, hypothetically he would have to be smart, funny, have good hygiene, able to hold a job, not have any debilitating addictions and be physically attractive to me. And, of course, love me more than anything else in the world! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/95 "2010-02-03T20:26:30Z")
…um, I’m pretty sure I specified ‘handy man’. Right there, on the form, where it asked. Yes, he’s handsome, I see that, and honest and trustworthy, nice work. Still, I’m just saying…I did specify…‘handyman’… …dammit! ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/96 "2010-02-03T22:02:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I didn’t realize you were so young. Your posting style actually makes more sense now. > > Actually, for an 8th grader, you’re fairly bright. I’ll tell you that a lot of how you view the world now is going to be completely different by the time you’re old enough to get married. When you start having real relationships, you won’t be ticking off check boxes. You’ll be dealing with those partners as they are, not as abstract sets of criteria. Don’t be surprised if a woman ends up changing the way you think about some things. In fact, I can just about guarantee that will happen. I’ve been wanting to post in this thread, but I’ve been finding it hard to express it exactly right. Thanks, DtC, this is just what I wanted to say, but much more eloquent. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/97 "2010-02-04T00:03:11Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > This. > > Being a devout (but open-minded) Christian myself, I see a lot of the 14 year old me in Curtis, and it was only when I stopped getting off my moral high horse (and actually started _reading_ the words of Jesus rather than parroting what other Christians say he said - he was really big on loving, helping, and caring for those who regular religious people hate and was really down on those who were judgemental of others, you know 😉 ) that I started to become more of a better person - to myself and others. > > And, by the way, having that kind of attitude will not only win you more fans around here, but it will come in _real_ handy if you want to run for public office (which I’m all for (even though you seem to be a Republican and I’m firmly left of centre), I plan to run for school board myself when elections are due later this year sometime), you win more votes by being more inclusive. Not everyone shares your moral view. > > Not every woman does either, it’s good to have a lot of differences in a marriage too, my wife definitely doesn’t fit most of the criterion I had at 14, but I’m really glad I married her and not somoene like who I wanted then, it’s made me a better person. Yes the Lord did say much about loving and caring which is partially why I’m not as opposed to “big government social projects” as other conservatives but Jesus also told sinners to repent contrary to what some liberal Christians may say. Plus I live in Orange County-a conservative bastion. The home of Richard Nixon can probably elect a few conservatives. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/98 "2010-02-04T02:17:55Z")
When I say said I wanted my wife to be attractive in a graceful manner not in a “sexy” manner, I said this because “sexy” women (or at least those who think themselves as such) tend to be rather aggressive, more likely to “play” with and manipulate men, and so on-which I don’t want. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/99 "2010-02-04T02:33:36Z")
You’re in 8th grade. How the hell would you know what “sexy women” do? Or any women at all, for that matter? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/100 "2010-02-04T02:34:45Z")
I want to marry someone of the same gender as I am. There’s actually a specific someone in mind. Maybe in another 10 years… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=6)