# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/101 "2010-02-04T02:38:08Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I want to marry someone of the same gender as I am. There’s actually a specific someone in mind. Maybe in another 10 years… I thought you lived in Canada. Maybe I’m confusing with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/102 "2010-02-04T02:38:25Z")
I have a list a mile long that includes many rare qualities (I won’t date anyone religious or who believes in God, for instance, or who craves and attracts attention from other people [this covers flirts, musicians, class clowns, daredevels, etc]). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being very picky. I don’t need a lover to be happy, would rather be ‘alone’ forever than date someone who I can’t respect or relate to. Most people though prefer to be in relationships, and if that’s a priority for you you might have to compromise on standards when it comes to real people. Oddly I met someone while I was very young who fits my insane requirements and I his, and we are very happy together. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/103 "2010-02-04T02:45:33Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I thought you lived in Canada. Maybe I’m confusing with someone else. Not the first time. I actually live in Pennsylvania. **RickJay** , maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/104 "2010-02-04T02:53:48Z")
Yeah, that’s it. I was confusing you with **Rickjay**. Never mind. Well more and more states are coming aboard all the time, especially the more they see that the world hasn’t ended in other states. Hopefully you’ll get there while you’re young enough to enjoy it and live it out. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/105 "2010-02-04T04:00:37Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yeah, that’s it. I was confusing you with **Rickjay**. Never mind. > > Well more and more states are coming aboard all the time, especially the more they see that the world hasn’t ended in other states. Hopefully you’ll get there while you’re young enough to enjoy it and live it out. Good luck. [hijack]You know what we need, a Doper map! One of those map of the world thingies and we put a dot on it and when we mouse over it it says who it is that’s in that part of the world. Should be easier to set up than Arnold’s photo gallery, as this exists on other sites without much problem … [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/106 "2010-02-04T04:36:55Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > When I say said I wanted my wife to be attractive in a graceful manner not in a “sexy” manner, I said this because “sexy” women (or at least those who think themselves as such) tend to be rather aggressive, more likely to “play” with and manipulate men, and so on-which I don’t want. I think I get what’s at the heart of what you’re trying to say — you don’t want someone who is going to play games and treat you callously, and that’s totally sensible and understandable. I’m guessing you’re basing your assessment of “sexy women” on the movies and reality television and the high school girls trying to emulate those movies and shows. And to be sure, there are certainly those who live down to that stereotype. However… Be aware that manipulative dicks and bitches come in all levels of attractiveness (and I’ve dated a couple of them — who by no means were model-caliber hotties). And by the same token, there are of course, hotties who are decent human beings. Which I’m sure you know and you were probably just speaking in generalities, but for other Dopers who are not as inclined to give you the benefit of doubt, it kinda sounded like you were casting wholesale aspersions on people you don’t know solely based on how they look. But I know you know you don’t want to do that. Especially if you’re going into politics. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/107 "2010-02-04T05:39:22Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I was just thinking that I would like to have a husband that paid all the bills as if he lived here, and yet lived somewhere else, and came over for short visits occasionally. Any takers? Hey, doll! I’ll be glad to meet your terms. Uh, when I pay the bills, will you give me a check (so I’ll know to bring my ID) or cash? Leave the key under the mat! 🆒 hh ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/108 "2010-02-04T06:43:56Z")
Rich she shall be, that’s certain; wise, or I’ll none; virtuous, or I’ll never cheapen her; fair, or I’ll never look on her; mild, or come not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it please God. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/109 "2010-02-04T11:29:12Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I dunno, having a whole separate sentence specifying a woman and then specifying that her attractiveness shouldn’t be of the sexy sort kinda pinged my closet-meter. It’s not an insult, just a note that fully heterosexual people tend to take it as read that their prospective spouse will be of the opposite sex and jump right into the other qualities they’d like that person to have and that people typically want their spouses to be sexually attractive to them. It’s at the very least an odd way of phrasing things, and if the OP is going into politics the implications of odd phrasings is the sort of thing that can make or break a career. > > . I have my differences with Curtis, but please note he stated he wanted a woman who was attractive in a graceful manner, not sexy, there is a big difference. A woman can be graceful in the sense of good movements, balance, smooth and coordinated movements, and in thought before action. This is pleasing to watch, and someone who is sexy with just a good body and pretty face can be as clumsy as an ox, move abruptly and jerky, and is not pleasant to watch. many of the best ballet dancers are not very pretty but are amazing to watch in motion. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/110 "2010-02-04T11:37:31Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > I think I get what’s at the heart of what you’re trying to say — you don’t want someone who is going to play games and treat you callously, and that’s totally sensible and understandable. Honestly, the impression I get (from all his criteria, not just this) is that he wants someone he can consider just a bit “beneath” him in all things. Someone who should consider herself lucky to have him, and will behave accordingly, requiring very little effort from and providing no challenge to him. That’s perfectly understandable for a thirteen year old. Here’s hoping he outgrows it. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/111 "2010-02-04T12:04:48Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I see it as part of not wanting a woman who will dominate him. He’s worried that a woman who’s too sexy would be intimidating. > [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > When I say said I wanted my wife to be attractive in a graceful manner not in a “sexy” manner, I said this because “sexy” women (or at least those who think themselves as such) tend to be rather aggressive, more likely to “play” with and manipulate men, and so on-which I don’t want. I’ve been validated! ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/112 "2010-02-04T13:12:34Z")
Someone want to mark this thread to check back in 10 years and see how much Curtis has actually changed by then? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/113 "2010-02-04T13:27:10Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think it’s kind of like being over 6 feet tall, but not like NBA tall. Say you’re like 6’2". Yeah, it’s kind of tall. You’re often the tallest person in the room. You’re kind of used to being taller than most, but there’s still lots of _other_ tall people out there, and some of them are way, way taller than you. It isn’t hard to find an equally tall partner if you want to. And when you are a tall person, you are a tall person in high school. Then you go to basketball camp…and you are not a tall person. College is like that. In high school you are a smart person. Now go to a decent college, make the class size ten times what Curtis’ is (at a small school) and cut off the bottom 60% of the high school class. Suddenly, you aren’t all that smart. Go to grad school. Now cut off the bottom 90% of your college class. Yeah, now there are moments you are certain that plankton are smarter than you. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/114 "2010-02-04T13:36:58Z")
Some of the most manipulative women I know were not sexy. A friend’s ex-wife who got pregnant “accidentally on purpose” was not sexy. A ‘friend’ whose husband is under her thumb through guilt trips - not sexy. My brother in laws ex-wife - who managed to convince him that he was at fault for not having the income she would like to live the lifestyle she wanted - not sexy. On the other hand, one of the kindest people I know is a woman who - although not a knockout - has that swing to her hips and sparkle in her smile and eye that screams sexy. Shitty human beings come in all shapes, sizes and attitudes. And - another clue for someone who is still in eighth grade - sometimes they outgrow being shitty human beings (sometimes they don’t). Nearly everyone is some form of jackass as a teenager - and it often continues into young adulthood. Maturity softens it. You still find jackasses as an adult. But you don’t find the same quantity and inept quality you do from 15-25. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/115 "2010-02-04T13:40:55Z")
I was picky as hell, but eventually I got everything I wanted and then some. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/116 "2010-02-04T14:54:17Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > And when you are a tall person, you are a tall person in high school. Then you go to basketball camp…and you are not a tall person. > > College is like that. In high school you are a smart person. Now go to a decent college, make the class size ten times what Curtis’ is (at a small school) and cut off the bottom 60% of the high school class. Suddenly, you aren’t all that smart. > > Go to grad school. Now cut off the bottom 90% of your college class. Yeah, now there are moments you are certain that plankton are smarter than you. When I was 7, I was smarter than all the 10-year-olds. When I was 10, I was smarter than all the 13-year-olds. When I was 13, I was smarter than all the 16-year-olds. When I was 16, I was smarter than all the 18-year-olds. Then I was 21, and suddenly I wasn’t really smarter than anyone. Coincidentally, that was also the same time I discovered the SDMB. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/117 "2010-02-04T14:55:33Z")
I think it’s a mistake to focus on a list of things this other person, is or is not. Seeking a partner, with a laundry list of wants, is going about things entirely backward, in my opinion. The journey of life is not to seek someone who meets your criteria, it’s more about seeking to be worthy of the partner you’d like. You don’t seek true love, you seek to be worthy of true love. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/118 "2010-02-04T15:40:38Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > When I was 7, I was smarter than all the 10-year-olds. When I was 10, I was smarter than all the 13-year-olds. When I was 13, I was smarter than all the 16-year-olds. When I was 16, I was smarter than all the 18-year-olds. > > Then I was 21, and suddenly I wasn’t really smarter than anyone. Coincidentally, that was also the same time I discovered the SDMB. :dubious: Nonsense. I just took an IQ test on the Internet, and it told me that I was a 41-year-old man with the intelligence of a 53-year-old. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/119 "2010-02-04T17:32:12Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Nonsense. I just took an IQ test on the Internet, and it told me that I was a 41-year-old man with the intelligence of a 53-year-old. > > 😉 Starting to get “age related absentmindedness?” ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/120 "2010-02-05T01:55:09Z")
In essence, in addition to what I have stated above I would like a woman that is innocent, sweet, and nice. A bit like the Christian, Victorian or the '50s ideal of woman basically [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=7)