# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/121 "2010-02-05T02:44:05Z")
I already have the spouse I’d like. I just want her healthy so I can have her longer. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/122 "2010-02-05T13:29:40Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > In essence, in addition to what I have stated above I would like a woman that is innocent, sweet, and nice. A bit like the Christian, Victorian or the '50s ideal of woman basically Sorry, kid, you were born at least 50 years too late. As I (and others) said, it’s all fine and dandy to say what you’d _like_ when you’re 14, just wait until you’re older and reality hits you like a ton of bricks. The compromises you make on your current list you’ll definitely see as for the better once you realize who God has picked for you. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/123 "2010-02-05T14:55:29Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > In essence, in addition to what I have stated above I would like a woman that is innocent, sweet, and nice. A bit like the Christian, Victorian or the '50s ideal of woman basically Yeah, and I wanted a strong breadwinner sort, the kind with a lucrative job who wore powersuits everyday. I married a chef, who lives in a kitchen, wears T-shirts and chef coats everyday and who wears an apron more in one week than I have in my entire life… You don’t always get what you want on paper, but you’ll realize that the person you’ve got is better than what you wrote on some arbitrary list as a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/124 "2010-02-05T15:19:04Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > In essence, in addition to what I have stated above I would like a woman that is innocent, sweet, and nice. A bit like the Christian, Victorian or the '50s ideal of woman basically I’m starting to get a sense of deja vu. Isn’t there another young male doper who sounds just like this, especially the “innocent” part? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/125 "2010-02-05T15:25:51Z")
Yes, but **Curtis LeMay** is 13 himself, while the one to whom I presume you refer just likes 13-year-olds. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/126 "2010-02-05T15:32:55Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Yes, but **Curtis LeMay** is 13 himself, while the one to whom I presume you refer just likes 13-year-olds. Egad, no. I definitely wasn’t thinking of someone with a penchant for 13yos. I was thinking of one of the dope’s perpetual virgins, eternally seeking just that perfect woman, who can’t be more experienced in any way than he is. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/127 "2010-02-05T15:35:04Z")
**Soapbox Monkey**? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/128 "2010-02-05T15:44:26Z")
Of all the qualities a mate can have, the single most important one it that she (or he) be someone that you genuinely respect as a person, and vice versa. That’s hard to consider when you are young, and sex rules the brain almost to the exclusion of all else. I’m lucky; my wife is sexy _and_ someone I deeply respect. But I’d be lying if I said I thought the latter was more important than the former when we first met. 😉 My best friend is a woman who has been I think unlucky - her BF is good-looking, extremely rich (a trustifarian), clever and witty. But the two do not respect each other at all. They are both difficult persons, and heavy drug use, lack of any sort of direction or effort on the part of either of them take a toll. They are trapped of their own volition in an unfulfilling lifestyle and relationship, though admittedly listening to her woes it is sometimes difficult to be sympathetic! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/129 "2010-02-05T15:46:03Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Egad, no. I definitely wasn’t thinking of someone with a penchant for 13yos. I was thinking of one of the dope’s perpetual virgins, eternally seeking just that perfect woman, who can’t be more experienced in any way than he is. Shagnasty. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/130 "2010-02-05T16:06:59Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > **Soapbox Monkey**? That’s the chappie. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/131 "2010-02-05T16:22:55Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Of all the qualities a mate can have, the single most important one it that she (or he) be someone that you genuinely respect as a person, and vice versa. QFT! ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/132 "2010-02-06T00:03:29Z")
Share my beliefs love animals not mentally ill Honest ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/133 "2010-02-06T01:29:31Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > In essence, in addition to what I have stated above I would like a woman that is innocent, sweet, and nice. A bit like the Christian, Victorian or the '50s ideal of woman basically I imagine the Duggars probably have a spare about the right age… ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/134 "2010-02-06T04:01:37Z")
Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/135 "2010-02-06T17:04:06Z")
As I’ve told you there is a girl whom I find rather _ahem_ attractive. She is (I assume) about a year older than me as she is in Ninth Grade (in high school). Obviously since she and I go to different schools I wouldn’t be able to (even I wanted) to see her very much but assuming I end up bumping into her sometime what should I do. I do not want to have a full “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship with her nor anything romantic-at best a platonic friendship. So should I do that or not? ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/136 "2010-02-06T17:19:14Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? > [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > As I’ve told you there is a girl whom I find rather _ahem_ attractive. She is (I assume) about a year older than me as she is in Ninth Grade (in high school). Obviously since she and I go to different schools I wouldn’t be able to (even I wanted) to see her very much but assuming I end up bumping into her sometime what should I do. I do not want to have a full “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship with her nor anything romantic-at best a platonic friendship. So should I do that or not? It sounds to me like you’re right on time with noticing the opposite sex. Your hormones are doing just exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. If and when you marry is not something you need to even think about now. And really, an adult man who loved a woman (not a girl) who had all the other qualities he wanted in a woman, but she was not a virgin, if he dumped her for that one reason, he’d be a huge idiot who deserved to be alone. But you’re too young to worry about such stuff right now. If you want to be a virgin on your wedding night or for the rest of your life, great. Do it. You can control your life, no one else’s. As for your second question: if you run into the girl, say hello. Chat if it makes sense at the time (e.g. waiting for a bus together). One can never have too many friends. ---
**Author:** ![dre2xl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@dre2xl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dre2xl)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/137 "2010-02-06T17:33:52Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > And when you are a tall person, you are a tall person in high school. Then you go to basketball camp…and you are not a tall person. > > College is like that. In high school you are a smart person. Now go to a decent college, make the class size ten times what Curtis’ is (at a small school) and cut off the bottom 60% of the high school class. Suddenly, you aren’t all that smart. > > Go to grad school. Now cut off the bottom 90% of your college class. Yeah, now there are moments you are certain that plankton are smarter than you. Pretty much! I LOVE working in a world class environment where I feel “plankton smart” sometimes – it’s an amazing and humbling challenge. On the topic of smart spouses, my husband was the Engineer of the Year at a big name organization. He, I think, got an 800 SAT score in math and can do really complicated math in his head. The stuff he can do is absolutely mindblowing and it’s always a humbling experience to see that side of him. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/138 "2010-02-06T17:36:07Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > As I’ve told you there is a girl whom I find rather _ahem_ attractive. She is (I assume) about a year older than me as she is in Ninth Grade (in high school). Obviously since she and I go to different schools I wouldn’t be able to (even I wanted) to see her very much but assuming I end up bumping into her sometime what should I do. I do not want to have a full “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship with her nor anything romantic-at best a platonic friendship. So should I do that or not? I think it’s very healthy to get used to having both males and females as friends. It’s a great way to learn more about the other gender before entering into any boyfriend/girlfriend style relationship. So if you bump into this girl, say a friendly hi and try to get to know her better! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/139 "2010-02-06T17:45:10Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? How the hell could anyone in this thread answer that question? The only person who has that answer would be your “prospective wife.” ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/140 "2010-02-06T17:53:43Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? It’s possible, but I don’t think probable. I assume part of your socializing will be with evangelical Christian types that are more prone to be promise-keeping, which is all the rage these days. But I think the long-term viability of this program still has to be proven. From personal experience I knew two women in their 20’s who were waiting 'til marriage (which, I have to confess, blew my mind). One of them did wait (as far as I know) and the other one gave it up. As far as her putting of sex 'til marriage, the nice thing about sexual compatibility is that it kind of works itself out. You may say “I’m gonna wait 'til marriage.” And then, depending on how important waiting is to her, she’ll either keep you or dump you. But IMHO, virginity is a non-issue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=8)