# What Sort Of A Spouse Would You Like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318 "2010-02-02T01:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/141 "2010-02-06T18:00:00Z")
Mutual attraction Ribald\* Clever Not practicing a religion That’s all I really need. Throw in “loves exotic travel” and you will be most favoured. \*I went out with a girl I wasn’t terrifically physically attracted to last year because the first thing she said to me was (obscenity warning): What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? You can’t marmalade your cock up your wife’s arse. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/142 "2010-02-06T18:14:14Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > As I’ve told you there is a girl whom I find rather _ahem_ attractive. … I do not want to have a full “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship with her nor anything romantic-at best a platonic friendship. You find her rather _ahem_ attractive and you don’t want a romantic relationship with her? Curtis, I just flat-out don’t believe you. That aside, you have a better shot at being friends than being boyfriend. My experience has been that girls usually (but not always) date older and the cliques you hang out in would need to be “compatible” for her to be with her. The high school social caste system can be such a bitter world. Having a woman find interest in you as friends is similar to getting them to find interest in you as a boyfriend, except that you don’t have that sexual charisma to have to worry about — be funny, confident, relaxed and considerate. And as I read between the lines of your post — and it’s existence in this thread — just know that “friend” is generally not a stop on the path to “boyfriend,” but that these two separate routes that lead to different districts in her heart. There are exceptions to this rule of course, but they are in the minority. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/143 "2010-02-07T01:09:36Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > \*\*You find her rather _ahem_ attractive and you don’t want a romantic relationship with her? Curtis, I just flat-out don’t believe you. > \*\* > That aside, you have a better shot at being friends than being boyfriend. My experience has been that girls usually (but not always) date older and the cliques you hang out in would need to be “compatible” for her to be with her. The high school social caste system can be such a bitter world. Having a woman find interest in you as friends is similar to getting them to find interest in you as a boyfriend, except that you don’t have that sexual charisma to have to worry about — be funny, confident, relaxed and considerate. > > And as I read between the lines of your post — and it’s existence in this thread — just know that “friend” is generally not a stop on the path to “boyfriend,” but that these two separate routes that lead to different districts in her heart. There are exceptions to this rule of course, but they are in the minority. Maybe a bit but I’m being realistic here. I am of the Bismarckian School of the Practical Application of Realpolitik. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/144 "2010-02-07T01:41:58Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Maybe a bit but I’m being realistic here. I am of the Bismarckian School of the Practical Application of Realpolitik. 🙂 I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. Pretend for a moment that I am not aware of the Bismarckian School of the Practical Application of Realpolitik. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/145 "2010-02-07T01:47:31Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. Pretend for a moment that I am not aware of the Bismarckian School of the Practical Application of Realpolitik. I was being humourous there. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/146 "2010-02-07T01:52:08Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > I was being humourous there. Okay. Don’t try that joke on her. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/147 "2010-02-07T01:56:21Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > Okay. Don’t try that joke on her. Yeah, probably not, a bit too obscure… ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/148 "2010-02-07T03:09:54Z")
It’s not obscure, it just doesn’t make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/149 "2010-02-07T05:33:16Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? No. If you do find a virgin, though, presumably she won’t have a problem waiting a bit longer. Why does it matter? ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/150 "2010-02-08T00:59:58Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Assuming I do get married would it be probable that my prospective wife would be a virgin? Also will she be able to not mind putting off sex until after the marriage? Go to a Christian college. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/151 "2010-02-09T02:08:24Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > Go to a Christian college. Too vague. Bob Jones? Loyola? Notre Dame? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/152 "2010-02-09T02:12:36Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Too vague. Bob Jones? Loyola? Notre Dame? 😕 I don’t know that you and the Jesuits would get along all that well – you can probably cross Loyola off your list. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/153 "2010-02-09T02:18:48Z")
And BJU won’t let you date out of your race. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/154 "2010-02-09T02:20:58Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I don’t know that you and the Jesuits would get along all that well – you can probably cross Loyola off your list. Why not-they don’t force you to be Catholic? I get along with them better than the leftist Harvard or Berkeley intellectuals. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > And BJU won’t let you date out of your race. That’s no more I believe. At any rate I plan to go to the UC System. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/155 "2010-02-09T02:42:56Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > And BJU won’t let you date out of your race. wikipedia says they dropped that policy in 2000. how enlightened of them. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/156 "2010-02-09T02:51:17Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yeah, now there are moments you are certain that plankton are smarter than you. Yup. Worst part for me was that I was studying plankton. \*\*Curtis \*\*- I did my grad school time in the UC system (UCSB - Go whoever the team is! I was in the lab! Rah!). You can get a good education there. Among the important things that happen in college are: 1. You question and re-evaluate a lot of your ideas. This is good, however, you may discover yourself to be someone different from the person you thought you were when you went in. Accept this. The only person you can do a good job at being in life is the person you actually are. I know this sounds pseudo-deep, but really, it just means to try to be the person you really are, not someone else’s, or even your own, conception of you. 2. You meet a lot of people. This is also good, and you may discover that the list in your head doesn’t have a lot to do with the people that you find attractive. If you’re lucky, you’ll go out with a fair number of people, and gradually develop an intuitive feel for whether this is the right one. From there you can just trust your gut and wait for the lightnin’ to strike, and disregard the cerebral checklist approach\*. - For instance, I met a girl who fit all of my mental checklist criteria - to include crappy monster movie fandom- but I just never had a spark for her, and we got to be great friends. The love of my life wouldn’t have done as well on a checklist, but it was spark city for me. 3. Hi Opal. - - That said, I recommend looking at her bookshelves before you commit. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/157 "2010-02-09T03:08:39Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Too vague. Bob Jones? Loyola? Notre Dame? 😕 Notre Dame didn’t manage to instill (or find!) any virtue in me. Of course, I was probably a hopeless case, but still. ---
**Author:** ![Bloody\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bloody\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloody_L)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/158 "2010-02-09T03:38:59Z")
\*He \*or \*she \*would make me feel safe. Someone who could make me feel like I was at home no matter where we happened to be. Essentially, he has to be very intelligent and witty. Someone who will challenge my mind and who can engage in intellectual intercourse for hours about anything. I’m an eager listener, so I prefer a person who will incessantly talk, babble, rant, and lecture. I’d want someone who is ambitious. Ambitious people are usually confident, clever, and strive for excellence, which are all key attributes. Not that I am holding out for mister or miss perfect, I’m just saying what kind of person I’d want to end up with. I’d rather be alone than with someone I couldn’t admire. Maybe I should look for a mentor instead of a significant other, since that’s what I seem to be describing! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/159 "2010-02-11T04:06:38Z")
Actually, I don’t think BJU really lets you “date” at all. And it’s not accredited, from what I remember, so a degree isn’t worth a damned thing. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2010, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318/160 "2010-02-11T04:18:06Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Actually, I don’t think BJU really lets you “date” at all. And it’s not accredited, from what I remember, so a degree isn’t worth a damned thing. I believe it’s accredited although again I’m not going there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-sort-of-a-spouse-would-you-like/527318.md?page=9)