# What species is your monkey butler?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [October 23, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546 "2011-10-23T16:28:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 7\
**Page:** 2

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/21 "2011-10-24T19:57:28Z")

</div>

There is only one answer. A butler isn’t a simple household drudge. He should run the household with panache and dapperness.

Therefore, I choose the [Emperor Tamarin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Tamarin)! He will have a cane in one hand (silver monkey skull topper) and constantly twirl his moustache with the other.

My bodyguard would be a [howler monkey.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howler_monkey) Or a gorilla if we’re including apes. But those chimps are not trustworthy, as I value my face and genitals.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/22 "2011-10-24T20:00:48Z")

</div>

> [@thelurkinghorror](#):
>
> My bodyguard would be a [howler monkey.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howler_monkey)

Having lived for several years with a captive howler monkey as a next door neighbor, I can guarantee that you do\* not\* want one in your house if you value your sleep or your eardrums.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/23 "2011-10-24T20:26:41Z")

</div>

> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#):
>
> Take a wild guess.

I don’t see what you did there.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/24 "2011-10-24T22:03:19Z")

</div>

[Dane Cook Monkey Heist](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8QTQSUUoL4)…no need to thank me. 🆒

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/25 "2011-10-24T23:15:09Z")

</div>

Orangutan. But don’t call him a monkey within earshot.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/26 "2011-10-24T23:22:58Z")

</div>

> [@DrFidelius](#):
>
> Orangutan. But don’t call him a monkey within earshot.

“Right turn, Clyde.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546/27 "2011-10-24T23:29:39Z")

</div>

> [@Colibri](#):
>
> Having lived for several years with a captive howler monkey as a next door neighbor, I can guarantee that you do\* not\* want one in your house if you value your sleep or your eardrums.

Soundproof guest house, conveniently place levers to release the [del]hounds[/del] howlers.

> [@DrFidelius](#):
>
> Orangutan. But don’t call him a monkey within earshot.

Just make sure it’s a female or a big fat “call-and-wait” mating strategy male. The skinny “sneak-and-rape” males might ruin your dinner parties.

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-species-is-your-monkey-butler/600546.md?page=1)