# What stupid kids tricks do you teach kids? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 17, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860 "2007-11-17T20:29:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Thalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@Thalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thalion)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/41 "2007-11-20T02:03:12Z")
This thread give me hope for the future of humanity! ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/42 "2007-11-20T02:37:52Z")
I teach all small children in my care the “mystical Third Eye” You grab a penny, lick it, and stick it to your forehead where it will stick for some time. Occasionally i will accompany this with a mocking version of a faith healer speech. Watching a four year old with a penny stuck between her eyes run up and bop her mum on the head a pronounce that “This child is HEALED!” Is freakin hilarious to me. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/43 "2007-11-20T16:38:34Z")
I didn’t realize I was teaching our kid this phrase, but the other day I asked if she wanted to go for a walk, and she sighed and said, “Mommy, I’m not really up for a walk right now.” My husband likes to mess with her head, for instance he’ll do this: Dad: Who goes to preschool? Tot: I do! Dad: I do? Tot: No, me! Dad: Me? So I finally taught her when he does stuff like that to just say, “Daddy, stop being a goofball!” She adores saying that. As I type, my husband is teaching her how to play _Oblivion_. I think this kind of thing may have contributed to an incident last week. We were watching _Elmo in Grouchland_, wherein Elmo’s blankie gets stolen by the bad guy. She theorized that the way Elmo would get it back was that Big Bird would stab the bad guy with his big beak and kill him. I do expect to have some interesting conversations with her teachers in the coming years. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/44 "2007-11-20T16:59:30Z")
When my niece (now 19) was very young I taught her that the appropriate way to burp was to cross your eyes and burp out the side of your mouth. It was hilarious however my sister absolutely hated it and detested me for it and made her knock it off. She says she did it all through her school years and still does it now around friends for a laugh. I also taught her the correct response to anyone asking the question “How do you like school?” “Closed.” ---
**Author:** ![Eggerhaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@Eggerhaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eggerhaus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/45 "2007-11-20T23:47:52Z")
When my youngest (now 20) was born she had the whispiest blond hair…and almost appeared bald until she was about two years old. I taught her that whenever people commented on her hair she should look up at them with her big blue eyes and sweetly say, “Chemotherapy.” The looks people gave us… ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/46 "2007-11-20T23:51:54Z")
My son did a number of amazing tricks. Most notable, the ability to take his underwear off without taking his pants off, and a rather startling trick that he did with one of those pull chains made up of a series of connected metal balls. he would hold one end and swallow the other end part way down his throat. Then he’d kind of cough and snort a little and the end would come out his nose. Then he’d run the chain back and forth through his nasal passage and mouth. Quite amazing to see if you don’t get completely grossed out first. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/47 "2007-11-21T02:05:35Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] I was gonna say–sounds like a great opportunity to teach the kids Katriona’s Corollary: “Meh, they’re just clothes, _you_ [the kids] can wash them.” [/QUOTE] Crud - never thought to ask Bro and SIL their thoughts on child labor! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/48 "2007-11-21T13:55:53Z")
[QUOTE=Elza B] I love it! 😃 We haven’t taught the toddler anything too terrible (except to shake his finger at the cat, and say 'No, no, no, no, no, Oscar!" - which comes out more like 'Doe, doe, doe, doe, DOE, Os-cah!"), but I can’t wait to teach him stuff like this. We’re already pretty sure we’re going to be the parents who get the calls from school that start “Mrs. S., do you know what your son said today?”. Granted, when we were visiting my mother a few weeks ago, I ran out to do an errand, and when I came back, she said “Your son said shit while you were gone”. My first reply was “Did he use it in the right context?” 😃 We are freakin’ stellar parenting examples. [/QUOTE] I would have answered, “Really? 'Cause he aint said shit to us.” ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/49 "2007-11-21T14:21:47Z")
My brother-in-law taught this set of responses to my niece. It’s as cute as hell. “What does a cow say?” “Mooo.” What does a puppy say?" “Woof woof woof” “What does a kitty say?” “Meow” “What does Keanu say?” “Whoa” Hearing a two-year-old say “Whoa” in that Keanu voice is comedy gold, baby. Alternately, the last line sometimes was: “What does Livvy say?” (My niece’s name is Olivia; we call her Livvy tons.) “Hi!” Also very cute. ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/50 "2007-11-21T14:30:59Z")
[QUOTE=DocCathode] I taught a friend’s two year old boy to say “I see dead people.” I’ve also taught a few kids that the proper response to “What is best in life?” is “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” [/QUOTE] Wow…when it comes up, I always say that this is the single best piece of dialogue ever written for the movies. You HAVE to say in an Ahnold-esque voice, though. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/51 "2007-11-21T14:34:22Z")
In regards to the OP… I have a 4-y.o niece, and she happens to like me. So, I teach her things to say to her parents (in a whisper, in their ear). My favorites so far (very liberal parents): [ul] [li]“Newt Gingrich is brilliant”[/li][li]“Spiro Agnew Lives!”[/li][/ul] I also have trained her to say “Flavor Pants” at odd moments, so my work is done. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/52 "2007-11-21T15:03:28Z")
I’m the person who teaches toddlers the tedious jokes they love and inflict on everyone else hundreds of times. These two always _kill_: _Knock Knock! Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupti–? Moo!_ and, _What’s red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender._ (Kids in my family are disgusting, so they love this.) Of course, when I taught my own brother those, it came back to haunt me, because he’d seek me out and tell them back to me over and over again. At around 4 or 5, I also enjoy fascinating them with simple card tricks and how to make an origami balloon. Each keeps them occupied for an hour at least. ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/53 "2007-11-21T15:15:20Z")
Darn it! I forgot and the edit window ran out: Remember those commercials for cheese in the late 90s, where there was this deep voiced narrator who intoned, “Behold…the power of cheese.”? My little brother was 2, and I don’t remember whose fault it was, but every time you’d hand him a piece of cheese for a snack, he’d hold it aloft and say: “Ho! da powah cheeeeez!” and do a little dance as he ate it. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/54 "2007-11-21T15:15:23Z")
My friend taught his young one that the reply to “What do you do to rats?” is “Shoot them in the face” when he was about 4 or so. Later, on his own, he added “And put butter in their mouths”. He’s a weird kid. He also taught another friends child (with some help) to point at strangers and his “Assassin!” when they came in the house. My daugher this summer was trying to get a funny response to the question “What does a cow say?” from the youngest (daughter is 11, youngest was almost 3). His response? “I’mma cow!” ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/55 "2007-11-21T18:53:36Z")
Ahhhhh… the joys of teaching a kid to speak. We’re NASCAR fans at the Butler household. At the start (or any restart) of the race, we’ve taught her to say “GO GO GO MIKEY!” (an encouragment to the #55 NAPA car driven by Michael Waltrip, when he makes the race :D) Saying TA-LA will get the response of DEGA (Taladega speedway), which is one of my favorite tracks, and a fun word. Non NASCAR related, saying CHICK CHICK CHICK anywhere near her will get her to yell out CHICKEN!!! (over and over, if you keep up the chick chick chick bit). Sometimes she’ll start the chick chick chick bit if she hears me say chicken. Now that I look at it, it’s partly NASCAR related, as it started on a drive from Raleigh NC to the Michael Waltrip Racing shop when we were in NC on vacation. Of course, there is also the 5 stage bedtime routine, where I get a hug, a kiss, a ‘noses’ (eskimo kisses), and an “ahum.” (open mouth wide, and just before you get near their face, you pretend to make a big chomping sound… “A-HUM!” This is followed (step 5) by a “tucka tucka”, which is a wiggling of the fingers as my fingers touch her’s. Silly things, but they are fun, and “all mine.” They also make Mrs. Butler happy, as she likes to watch me play with the Butlerette. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/56 "2007-11-21T19:10:16Z")
If I ever had a kid, I would teach to react to someone trying the ‘got your nose’ trick by pretending to faint. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/57 "2007-11-24T03:28:39Z")
I was babysitting a couple kids almost old enough not to need it, and I showed them my scientific calculator (those were pretty new at the time). I showed them how 7.734 times ten to the 40 looks like “Oh hELL” upside down. They got all worked up and giggly and had a ball playing with it, and I’m sitting there wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have, and then they asked me how to make a “T”… ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/58 "2007-11-24T19:39:22Z")
TOh hELL? Oh ThELL? Oh hELT? We always just wrote ShIT ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2007, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/59 "2007-11-25T05:29:20Z")
You can also get a calculator to spell out Boobless, and (after complicated fake computations on the petroleum industry), Shell Oil. I taught my girlfriend’s 9 year old grand-daughter how to blow up a balloon, then stretch the throat taut, so the escaping air makes a high pitched shreik. I got no thanks for that one. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2007, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860/60 "2007-11-25T06:02:54Z")
When I have the opportunity I teach kids: a. That they have 11 fingers. Hold up a hand and count “10, 9, 8, 7, 6” - then hold up the other hand, “and 5 more make 11.” b. The Cut Off Your Thumb trick. You bend your right thumb over, lay your left thumb over it (bent so only the top joint shows), cover up the gap with your left index, then find an innocent bystander and move the left thumb and index up and away. Eeew. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-stupid-kids-tricks-do-you-teach-kids/426860.md?page=4)