# What the fu\[del\]c\[/del\]dge is up with Mormons and gay marriage? (amazingly short) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 22, 2009, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938 "2009-04-22T02:58:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/61 "2009-04-22T20:57:20Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > We covered that - that’s pay per view cable only available in the highest ring… If Mormons are into porn production big-time, not wonder they can afford to campaign against gays. It even makes a kind of sense, they want to drive gay sex underground, so they can film it while making it forbidden and hence drive up the price of their gay porn videos. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/62 "2009-04-22T20:58:00Z")
\ Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/63 "2009-04-22T20:59:44Z")
Brain bleach is available for a small fee in Room 101. If Mariah has left us any, that is. . . . ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/64 "2009-04-22T22:55:45Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > If Mormons are into porn production big-time, not wonder they can afford to campaign against gays. > > It even makes a kind of sense, they want to drive gay sex underground, so they can film it while making it forbidden and hence drive up the price of their gay porn videos. I think you are on to something there, Jimmyboy. What if all the Evangelicals, 700 Clubs, Phred Phelps and their kind were actually gay and regular porn producing film makers who sold the bible stuff to the Tighty Whiteys telling them that Gay Porn and Regular Porn is SINFUL and WRONG and Stuff Like That There which drives the flock to the porn because it is so WRONG. If you think about it, the more they rant about how sinful SEX is, the more people crave it and go to the Lion’s Den Adult Store and pay in cash for Gay Jewish Midget Clown Porn The Electric Bugaloo. THIS IS GENIUS! I wish I had the brains and wit, like Christopher Moore, to _flesh_ this out and sell it properly. IT’S GOLD! Note to self: start my own religion and create my own subsidiary company that sells the sinful stuff to the flock. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/65 "2009-04-22T23:14:34Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > The Mormon and the Homo should be friends. > Oh, the Mormon and the Homo should be friends. > One man likes to grunt and plough, the other likes to collect cows, > But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends. > > Minority folks should stick together, > Minority folks should all be pals. > Homos dance with unwed Mor-men, > Mormons dance with unwanted gals. (repeat) > > I’d like to say a word for the Mormon, > He come out west and made a lot of changes > > He come out west and built a lot of compounds, > > And built 'em right acrost our Homo ranges. > > The Mormon is a good and thrifty citizen, no matter what the Homo says of things. > You seldom see 'em through a glory hole > > Unless somebody else is buyin drinks. > > But the Mormon and the Homo should be friends. > Oh, the Mormon and the Homo should be friends. > The Homo rejects a comely woman, the Mormon adds her to his harem, but that’s no reason why they can’t be friends. > > Minority folks should stick together, > Minority folks should all be pals. > Homos dance with unwed Mor-men, > Mormons dance with unwanted gals. > > I’d like to say a word for the Homo, the road he treads is fabulous yet toilsome. > He rides for days on end with jist a bottom for a friend. > > I sure am feelin’ sorry for the bottom! > > The Mormon should be sociable with the Homo if he rides by and asks for rest and ramen. > Don’t treat him like a louse make him welcome in your house. > > Remember he removes your competition! > > Minority folks should stick together, > Minority folks should all be pals. > Homos dance with unwed Mor-men, > Mormons dance with unwanted gals. > > Enjoy, > Steven Brava! The best I had in the mental choreography was Mormon kids look so hot on bikes Homos have their kids with dikes But that’s no reason why they can’t be friends! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/66 "2009-04-23T01:47:07Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > If Mormons are into porn production big-time, not wonder they can afford to campaign against gays. > > It even makes a kind of sense, they want to drive gay sex underground, so they can film it while making it forbidden and hence drive up the price of their gay porn videos. From 1997, I give you _Orgazmo_! [Orgazmo (1997) - IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124819/) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/67 "2009-04-23T02:39:43Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > I think you are on to something there, Jimmyboy. > > What if all the Evangelicals, 700 Clubs, Phred Phelps and their kind were actually gay and regular porn producing film makers who sold the bible stuff to the Tighty Whiteys telling them that Gay Porn and Regular Porn is SINFUL and WRONG and Stuff Like That There which drives the flock to the porn because it is so WRONG. > > If you think about it, the more they rant about how sinful SEX is, the more people crave it and go to the Lion’s Den Adult Store and pay in cash for Gay Jewish Midget Clown Porn The Electric Bugaloo. > > THIS IS GENIUS! > I wish I had the brains and wit, like Christopher Moore, to _flesh_ this out and sell it properly. > > IT’S GOLD! > > Note to self: start my own religion and create my own subsidiary company that sells the sinful stuff to the flock. Craving guilty pleasure has always been of particular interest to me. I’ve been an atheist for nearly 40 years and I still manage to wallow in Catholic guilt. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/68 "2009-04-23T19:26:14Z")
Thanks **jayjay** and **Sampiro**. I’m especially proud of the “Homos dance with unwed Mor-men” bit. I banged a lot of ideas around in my head for a succinct way to express “Homosexuals can court younger male Mormons whose dating pool has been extremely restricted by the practice of older men taking younger women as additional wives.” You’d be surprised at how difficult that can be to express in a chorus-length lyric. And I think it is linguistically different enough from “Mormons” to allow it to come out when sung. I also couldn’t resist slipping the double entendre in there with “rest and ramen” but I’ve never been able to resist a double entendre. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/69 "2009-04-23T19:37:52Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Craving guilty pleasure has always been of particular interest to me. I’ve been an atheist for nearly 40 years and I still manage to wallow in Catholic guilt. If GM could built a car like the Catholics built Guilt, the cars would last forever. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/70 "2009-04-23T19:41:18Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > If GM could built a car like the Catholics built Guilt, the cars would last forever. Can you imagine that in the 90s (the era of talking cars)? “Door is ajar. And you forgot to call your mother.” “Oil is low. And you missed Mass last Sunday.” “Lights are on. There are blind children in India who’d kill for some of that light, you know.” ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/71 "2009-04-23T19:58:15Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT [extra FUCK here] TO IT ABOUT THEM THAT THEY SPEND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON AD CAMPAIGNS AND LOBBYISTS TO STOP IT?!?!?!?! Just guessing here, but could it be because they actually believe what they’re doing is right? I don’t agree with them in the slightest but I hardly think it should be surprising that Mormons are such dedicated opponents of gay marriage. It’s also unsurprising that they should marshall their forces and finances against it. They’re fighting the Lord’s battle, doncha know? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/72 "2009-04-23T20:32:24Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > If GM could built a car like the Catholics built Guilt, the cars would last forever. No matter where you want to go, it will only allow you to drive to church, your home, or Vatican City. It will last for 33 years, when it will be recycled into an airplane. The front doors won’t open for women – they’ll have to take the back seat. You do not want to know what it will do if it catches you trying to have sex in the back seat. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/73 "2009-04-24T00:52:50Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Does anyone know what the Mormons, in their polygamous days, thought about husbands getting it on with multiple wives at once? Were wives allowed any, shall we say, “liberties”, with other wives? I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened, but on the whole (judging from things written about the private lives of Young and other famous patriarchs and the memoirs of modern day polygamists) they were actually amazingly prudish, far more like the popular image of Puritans than like a sultan (or than the Puritans were). Generally there was an alternating order in which a husband spent one day/night with each wife. Monday- Mona Tuesday- Tessie Wednesday- Willajean Thursday- Mona Friday- Tessie Saturday- Willajean Sunday-rest Rinse/lather/repeat If finances allowed at all each wife had her own house, and if it didn’t then her own room at least, and if even that wasn’t possible then at least her own space. One of the most detailed accounts (not sexually graphic by our standards of course but euphemistic) was written by one of the children of Lorenzo Snow (an Apostle and later president of the Church) who during the Mormon withdrawal from Nauvoo lived in a one room cabin with four of his wives and his ever growing children, and each wife had a bed in a corner cordoned off with rope and sheets. Three children were conceived and born in that cabin so apparently the sheets were being drawn for privacy a good bit. (Of course even in monogamous households a family living in one room wasn’t uncommon so privacy was something you found under a quilt; not so bad when the kids are too little to know what those noises are but really disturbing when you think about teenagers living in a house where mom and dad are going at it in the corner.) It was taught in Mormonism (as in some other religions) that sex during pregnancy was sinful, especially for those with multiple wives. This seems to be especially true for the modern Fundie Mormons; in [Escape\* Carolyn Jessop describes her husband being turned on by pregnant wives [which made him really horny since he had 6 wives and 50+ children] and keeping up his rotation with them, which his wives did not reveal because it could possibly have gotten him excommunicated (though he’s now the leader of the sect while Jeffs is in prison). Jessop also states that she had 8 kids by her husband Merrill and not once in their marriage did they ever see each other naked, and only had sex naked once. As for wives having liberties with each other, that’s a BIG negatory. In the first place it would be as adulterous as if they had sex with another man and in the second it’s taught as unnatural, and there were [URL=“[Blood atonement - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_atonement)”]bad consequences]([Escape: Jessop, Carolyn, Palmer, Laura: 9780767927567: Amazon.com: Books](http://www.amazon.com/Escape-Carolyn-Jessop/dp/0767927567)) for unnatural things. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/74 "2009-04-24T00:59:28Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > Just guessing here, but could it be because they actually believe what they’re doing is right? > > I don’t agree with them in the slightest but I hardly think it should be surprising that Mormons are such dedicated opponents of gay marriage. It’s also unsurprising that they should marshall their forces and finances against it. They’re fighting the Lord’s battle, doncha know? I completely understand them being against homosexuality (don’t agree with it obviously, but I understand), but I don’t understand why they donate so much money and energy to gays instead of to the gazillion other things out there: environmental causes (“stewards of the Earth” and all that) or fighting tobacco/alcohol or whatever. Also, their prophet taught that black people were a cursed and inferior race and unworthy of priesthood and missionary efforts. The church reversed that stance in 1978 (which seems a bit cheeky to do- reversing the will of God or at least the words of his spokesman). Why not re-examine gays in a similar light? (The even bigger mystery is why the fuck Eldridge Cleaver and Gladys Knight ever converted to Mormonism knowing these former teachings.) ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/75 "2009-04-24T06:33:25Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The front doors won’t open for women – they’ll have to take the back seat. > > You do not want to know what it will do if it catches you trying to have sex in the back seat. As opposed to having sex in the front seat, which will apparently get you ordained. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/76 "2009-04-24T06:33:31Z")
Ah, but the difference between the gay marriage issue and the admission of blacks into the church is that they feel that there is a huge section of the populace with them on this one. They won’t change until the weight of public opinion is against them. They’re sincere in their beliefs but historically it’s been shown that they don’t persist in spitting against hurricanes. The problem is that the gay marriage issue hasn’t got the hurricane force of overwhelming public support yet. When it does they’ll change, but not before. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/77 "2009-04-24T07:33:09Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > … or did a gay couple get through the boomshakalakas and [del]Masonic\*secret handshakes and rituals and expose themselves to the guy dressed as Adam or what exactly? … Humm? Masonry has nothing to do with Moronism. Masonry takes no position on Gay people. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/78 "2009-04-24T10:49:36Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > Humm? Masonry has nothing to do with Moronism. Masonry takes no position on Gay people. They don’t stone them, then? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/79 "2009-04-24T14:49:44Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > No matter where you want to go, it will only allow you to drive to church, your home, or Vatican City. **Or your Mom’s on Sunday for dinner.** > > It will last for 33 years, when it will be recycled into an airplane. > > The front doors won’t open for women – they’ll have to take the back seat. > > You do not want to know what it will do if it catches you trying to have sex in the back seat. FTFY. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938/80 "2009-04-24T14:51:58Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > They don’t stone them, then? Mason’s supply weed? ( Or is it _Masons_ or possibly _Masons’_. Where does the apostrophe go and who can I blame for my inability to figure out who is in posession of the weed, man?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fu-del-c-del-dge-is-up-with-mormons-and-gay-marriage-amazingly-short/493938.md?page=5)