# What the fuck makes you think you can threaten my kids ! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219 "2003-05-19T11:53:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/101 "2003-05-23T14:22:55Z")
> [@](#): > > If you cannot see that these are all irrational OVERreactions to the situation, then you need help. Because had Dragongirl actually involved the police, I GUARANTEE YOU that they would have turned into the neighborhood pariahs. And her kids would have paid the dearest price for her reaction. Do you think any other parent in that neighborhood or school would ever allow their kids to play with children whose parents call the cops on them for YELLING at them? Not for “yelling,” for _threatening_. Do you have any kids? All I know is my wife and I don’t hit our daughter and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some neighborhood bitch threaten to do it. Threatening to physically harm a child is legally an assault, and there is no way in hell I’m going let somebody assault my child. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/102 "2003-05-23T14:49:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*Threatening to physically harm a child is legally an assault, and there is no way in hell I’m going let somebody assault my child. \*\* and from there, we’ll have to agree to disagree. if this situation meets your definition of ‘assault,’ then we do not inhabit the same reality. but rest assured, if i ever come across your ‘widdle pwecious’ tearing anything up, i will ignore my instincts and just call the police. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/103 "2003-05-23T15:06:29Z")
I already posted the legal definition of assault. A threat is an assault if one possesses the means to do it. That’s a fact, not an opinion. It is illegal to threaten physical harm against another person. Look it up. My daughter doesn’t play unsupervised and I would not let her damage anyone else’s property, but if something happened when she was older, I would want the owner of the precious little pansies to call me and tell me. I would deal with the situation and my daughter would be disciplined. No matter what she does, though, you wouldn’t have a right to threaten to hurt her. BTW, the kid in the OP didn’t even step in any fucking flowers, she was just told she would be brutalized _if_ she damaged any of the precious little petunias ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/104 "2003-05-23T15:21:00Z")
**Dio** People like you are the reason this country is so sue-happy. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/105 "2003-05-23T15:43:27Z")
What SHOULD I do if someone threatens violence against my kid? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/106 "2003-05-23T16:13:06Z")
Talk to the parents and let them know that is not how your family dicsiplines your children. There really is no need to call the authorities unless some actual violence (beside a little swat on the butt) takes place. Our judicial system is bogged down enough will bullshit cases, it’s really not cool to bog it down futher with petty stuff like this that can easily be worked out outside of the judicial system. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/107 "2003-05-23T16:17:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*What SHOULD I do if someone threatens violence against my kid? \*\* Like anything else, it depends on the situation. The one cited in the OP (do we know how that turned out, btw?) seems like a case where the threat was used to shock the child into compliance. I do not believe for a second that the other parent made that threat without provocation, and it came after numerous requests that the children stay out of her flower bed. If i were you, i’d tell my child that I would not allow the neighbor to hurt her, but that if she DID wreck the flower garden, she’d have to deal with punishment at home. If you don’t like the other parent’s methods, you can a) go over and talk to her and get her side of what happened, maybe ask her to simply send the child home if anything like that happened again. Of course, this forces you to concede that her possible use of physical discipline on her child is not Evil, or at least agree to disagree with her methods in her own household. b) not allow your child to play at her house. Only alow your child to play at the houses of those who have similar child-rearing philosphies. Remember- this is not a child being randomly accosted- she was on the neighbor’s property, and was possibly close to damaging that property. The parent sought a preemptive solution rather than have to worry about getting restitution or just having to argue with you later. Unwise? Maybe. Criminal? Nope. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/108 "2003-05-23T16:17:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Not for “yelling,” for threatening. Well, okay, then. I’m sure dragongirl’s kids would have not come home crying had the neighbor yelled, “I have told you 50 times to stay away from my flower bed. Since you refuse to listen, you need to go home now.” > [@](#): > > Do you have any kids? Yes. 2 girls, ages 8 and 11. And I try very hard to teach them that they should respect their teachers, their aunts and uncles, and other kids’ parents as well as their own. > [@](#): > > All I know is my wife and I don’t hit our daughter and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some neighborhood bitch threaten to do it. If you feel so strongly about it, then it is YOUR responsibility to discuss an appropriate method of discipline with me BEFORE you send your kids to my house to play. Otherwise I assume that my house = my rules. And if you think I’m the neighborhood bitch, then might I ask what the hell are your kids doing at my house in the first place? > [@](#): > > Threatening to physically harm a child is legally an assault Continually repeating the same thing does not legitimize it. > [@](#): > > …and there is no way in hell I’m going let somebody assault my child. Because you are the neighborhood bully and if things don’t go exactly as you’d like, you resort to violence. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/109 "2003-05-23T16:31:09Z")
Woould you people actually read the fucking definition of assault. What part of “threats are illegal” do you not understand. It’s not ok to threaten a child, no matter WHAT you think they did. I don’t care if my daughter burns your fucking house down, if you threaten to hit her, you’re going to be in a world of fucking hurt. > [@](#): > > Because you are the neighborhood bully and if things don’t go exactly as you’d like, you resort to violence. Got it. The bully is the one who thinks it’s ok to threaten innocent children. FTR, my daughter doesn’t play unsupervised (as I said before). She would not be in a situation where she _could_ fuck with somebody’s flowers, and I would never entrust her to the care of anyone who I knew felt it was ok to batter her own kid with a belt. I think it’s ridiculous, though, to say that if a child walks into your yard you have the right to threaten them or beat them. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/110 "2003-05-23T16:45:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*I don’t care if my daughter burns your fucking house down, if you threaten to hit her, you’re going to be in a world of fucking hurt. \*\* If this is the position that you are going to defend, do you wonder why everyone else seems to think that you are out of your mind? ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/111 "2003-05-23T17:43:45Z")
**Dio** please open your head and understand there’s a difference between threats, assaults, and discipline. You have been assaulted by people who were supposed to love you. I can understand that, and empathize. But that doesn’t mean that everyone who smacks a child on the ass, _or who threatens to do so as a form of punishment_ is a child abuser. Neither are they committing assault. The way I see it, children are dumber and more dangerous than puppies. If you want to housebreak a dog, you’ve got to swat him when you catch him pissing on the rug _and rub his nose in the piss to make sure he knows why_. You’ve got to treat children the same way, but at least sometimes, with kids, you can head them off at the pass with a warning, before it is necessary to punish them. **dragongirl** ’s kid was about to do something “bad”. Neighbour spotted it, and attempted to stop it before it happened in what is, really, a reasonable fashion. No damage except hurt feelings _and dealing with hurt feelings are a necessary part of growing up_. If you disagree, go visit the folks who [Take Children Seriously](http://www.eeng.dcu.ie/~tcs/)and be prepared to have a lifetime of pain inflicted on you by your child. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/112 "2003-05-23T23:57:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Stonebow_ > **I guess my point would be that i’d rather he stayed out of the street period until he learned that it was dangerous. if pain or the threat of it keeps him safe until he develops an understanding on his own, i can live with it.** How do you expect him to develop an understanding if all you do is hit him? The only “understanding” he gets from that is “My parents get mad and hit me when I go in the street”, which naturally doesn’t apply when the parents aren’t around. As for the argument that proper spanking is never done in anger (not necessarily your argument)… do you really think the kid knows the difference? If you don’t expect him to understand that a busy street is dangerous, how is he going to wrap his mind around the paradox of someone hitting him _for his own good_? > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by lezlers_ > \*\*You say that all a child will learn from corporal punishment is not to get caught. > > By your logic then, any punishment wouldn’t work if not explained afterwards. Time outs, groundings, it’s all for naught because the child will still associate punishment with getting caught.\*\* Indeed. I wouldn’t expect a child to internalize any code of behavior based only on punishment. He needs to avoid certain situations whether or not someone is there to punish him, and how will he do that if the only reason he has for obeying is that he gets punished when he doesn’t? Frankly, I wouldn’t even give the kid a time out for running into the street, unless he was disobeying me by doing it. It’s far more important that he A) gets the hell out of the street, and B) understands that the street is a dangerous place to be. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/113 "2003-05-24T00:07:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Barbarian \* > \*\ ***Dio** please open your head and understand there’s a difference between threats, assaults, and discipline. > > You have been assaulted by people who were supposed to love you. I can understand that, and empathize. > > But that doesn’t mean that everyone who smacks a child on the ass, _or who threatens to do so as a form of punishment_ is a child abuser. Neither are they committing assault. > > The way I see it, children are dumber and more dangerous than puppies. If you want to housebreak a dog, you’ve got to swat him when you catch him pissing on the rug _and rub his nose in the piss to make sure he knows why_. You’ve got to treat children the same way, but at least sometimes, with kids, you can head them off at the pass with a warning, before it is necessary to punish them. > > **dragongirl** ’s kid was about to do something “bad”. Neighbour spotted it, and attempted to stop it before it happened in what is, really, a reasonable fashion. No damage except hurt feelings _and dealing with hurt feelings are a necessary part of growing up_. > > If you disagree, go visit the folks who [Take Children Seriously](http://www.eeng.dcu.ie/~tcs/)and be prepared to have a lifetime of pain inflicted on you by your child. \*\* You’ve got rub kids’ noses in piss!? :eek: 😕 Dude, not only is that a horrible way to treat children, it’s not even an acceptable way to treat a dog. ---
**Author:** ![jkusters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jkusters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkusters)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/114 "2003-05-24T01:09:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr2001 \* > \*\*Yup. If you want to vent your rage, get a punching bag. \*\* Assuming that what you are doing is venting your rage, which is a statement full of unwarranted assumptions. My father “spanked” me with a belt on a few occasions when I was growing up. Looking back, I realized that this was the punishment for crossing a big line that should not have been crossed. He did not do it in anger, and it was always a serious and formal affair. Generally I knew I had it coming, and once it had been been given, I was pretty damn sure never to transgress my parents in that way again. I am not a parent at this time, but if I do become a parent, I would consider a belt spanking to be a possible, though extreme, response to a serious trangression (like trying to set the house on fire or trying to drill into a sibling’s head with a hand drill). There are some things that time-outs are not sufficient. I would never consider doing it in anger or to “vent.” That would easily lead to abuse. Such punishments would only be given after the fact when everyone has had a chance to cool off and consider what has happened. In the OP case, a belt spanking would be way over the line, and very abusive, in my opinion. Hopefully it was an empty threat! (Obviously, you will likely disagree.) JOhn. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/115 "2003-05-24T08:17:21Z")
> [@](#): > > … understand there’s a difference between threats, assaults, and discipline. > That doesn’t mean that everyone who smacks a child on the ass, or who threatens to do so as a form of punishment, is a child abuser. Neither are they committing assault. So it’ll be cool for me to come round to your house and threaten to beat your children with a belt? Cause there ain’t no law what done says I cain’t. “Kid, don’t touch my car or I’ll whip your ass with this belt” WHAT THE FUCK Perhaps I’ll just make threats over the telephone to save myself the trip. LUCKY THERE’S NO LAW AGAINST THAT EITHER. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/116 "2003-05-24T14:57:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr2001 \* > \*\* > Indeed. I wouldn’t expect a child to internalize any code of behavior based only on punishment. He needs to avoid certain situations whether or not someone is there to punish him, and how will he do that if the only reason he has for obeying is that he gets punished when he doesn’t? > \*\* So then are you just against spanking or are you against punishment in general? Because what you’re fearing (the kid will only not do something if someone is there to punish him or her) would happen regardless of the punishment given. No one here is advocating spanking without explanation. You also said that you’d want the kid to understand the danger in crossing the street. What you’re forgetting is that young children don’t always have the ability to grasp reasons for certain things, and even if they can, most likely when they start playing and get excited they forgot. A responsible spanking can help make sure that doesn’t happen. Do you have any kids? Because I’d love to hear about how you put your non-punishment parenting philosophy into action. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/117 "2003-05-25T00:35:11Z")
**Barbarian** -don’t EVER hit an animal and rub their nose in their messes, unless you want to train them to be nasty and viscious, dumbass. Although, I would suggest-even if you spank your own kids, don’t do it to kids that are not your’s unless you have permission. Just in case. More of a CYA thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/118 "2003-05-25T02:16:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > **No one here is advocating spanking without explanation.** That’s exactly what **Binarydrone** was doing with his two scenarios. Either A) hit the kid, or B) give him a time out and an explanation. Which would you choose? > [@](#): > > **You also said that you’d want the kid to understand the danger in crossing the street. What you’re forgetting is that young children don’t always have the ability to grasp reasons for certain things, and even if they can, most likely when they start playing and get excited they forgot.** How young are we talking here? A child who can speak in complete sentences can understand the danger of a busy street. > [@](#): > > **A responsible spanking can help make sure that doesn’t happen.** As can any number of punishments. Why resort to physical violence in any but the most extreme situations? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/119 "2003-05-25T02:20:05Z")
A short, quick smack on the fanny, accompanied by a loud “NO!” THEN, you explain. “We do NOT run out into the street-do you understand? You could get hurt and possibly killed if a car were to hit you. We do NOT want that to happen-okay? You NEVER go into the street unless you are holding the hand of a grown up.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219/120 "2003-05-25T03:07:19Z")
Or you can just hold her back and say, “no honey, that’s dangerous” like I do. I must be the luckiest parent in the world, I never seem to have a reason to smack my kid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-fuck-makes-you-think-you-can-threaten-my-kids/176219.md?page=7)