Or else if they’re African-American and female, they’re so Halle Berry lite n’ brite that they might as well be caucasian.
Whoa…guess you don’t watch WB much. 
Now that I have the floor, I need to reiterate a point I made a coupla dozen posts ago, about eyeglasses–because it’s soooo stupid.
That geeks wear glasses, and attractive people don’t–and that you can convert from one to the other by adding or removing the glasses. And that glasses have no other function, than as a geek disguise. When I take off my glasses, I’m equally good looking, equally smart, but blind as a bat. Just once I’d like to see the female scientist let her hair fall from the bun it’s been in, remove her glasses (“My god Dr Forrester–you’re beautiful!”) --and walk into a wall.
This is interesting; I think the reason that the sofas aren’t against the wall is a framing issue. Oftentimes, you’ll see a shot of people on the sofa, with some action happening behind them (there’s often a visible other room right behind the sofa). If it were up against the wall, you would have to keep switching scenes.
• You can get to the beach from any address in Los Angeles within 10 minutes.
• Bartenders make drinks one at a time and rarely fill the glass with ice. Or if you ask for a Scotch, they will just give you an empty glass and place the entire bottle on the counter for you to pour at your leisure. There’s never a crowd of people 4 deep at a bar either – just walk right up and have a seat.
• Nobody thinks it strange that within a small group of people – say, 6-7 people - practically everybody has been in a relationship or at least slept with practically everybody else. And everyone knows about it but there’s no jealousy or lingering romantic feelings.
• Everybody from your small social group will decide to go to the same branch of the same college. Nobody moves out of state to start the next phase of life. Friends don’t slowly drift apart, they stay close forever.
• Lawyers can yell, act snotty to the judge, and make flamboyant gestures in the courtroom. Almost no one gets charged with contempt. Associates first-chair major murder trials right after being hired, and rarely work more than 40 hours per week. And when they’re not working, everyone in the firm hangs out together every night.
I meant just on soap operas. I’ve just never seen an actual pool on soap operas, just a pool-like light and about 10 cermanic tiles made into a corner and sunken into the ground, completely dry.
In movies, of course, you’re right. Pools are only for sex or murders, sometimes both. That reminds me of an e-mail I once got - “things I’ve learned from movies” - A lone woman who hears a strange noise in the middle of the night should investigate the sound wearing her filmiest nightgown.
I remembered another one I’ve noticed - the Golden Girls are all fairly normal in most respects except when it comes to their children they are remarkably senile - they have children they never mention who will show up for exactly one episode and then are never spoken about again. I think they’ve each had one son or daughter apiece, each of whom has shown up out of nowhere without any previous mention only to disappear when s/he’s finished giving birth, marrying an older black woman, or accusing Rose of squandering her inheritance.
Soap opera time moves slooooowly:
“What’s happened on ‘All My Children’? I haven’t watched that show for two years.”
“Well, it’s later that same day…”
[adapted from a Golden Girls line]
Well, basically, in sitcoms children are a plot contrivance. If a story arc requires a character to be pregnant, fine…but it’s just too awkward to actually have them become a parent. Remember Murphy Brown’s kid? Roz’ on Frasier? They might as well be on a milk carton.
The Mork & Mindy Corrolary: when two characters on a sitcom get married and/or have a baby, don’t look for the show next year–it’s a goner.
They keep using 555- because when they use REAL exchanges, people get prank calls non-stop. I wouldn’t want them using MY number.
Didn’t I just say that?
I just love the big, red, digital countdown timers, mandatory on all fictional bombs. If you get shot, even by a tiny .32 revolver, the force of the bullet hitting you knocks you over. IRL, bullets hit with the same force as the recoil of the gun. Other than ‘Men in Black’, you don’t see shooters falling down from recoil.
Heart monitors alway show 60, 120, 180 or 0 beats per minute, never some real number like 73. It’s always a perfect sinus rhythym, even though it’s a patient who just had a massive MI, and the lead wires aren’t hooked up – they just dangle. Other devices are often not even turned on, particularly infusion pumps and ventilators. (Too noisy?)
Doctors and nurses work on women in the ER, frantically attaching EKG leads, and inserting tubes and needles into the chest, all without exposing a single breast – they either leave the bra on, or pull the gown up just enough. Modesty is thrown out the window in cases of cardiac tamponade!
Also, sick people never look that sick. Their hair is perfect, skin is glowing, and makeup is expertly applied. Unless they are dying – then suddenly they look like a zombie (like a real sick person).
Another thing about “Law and Order” …
Whenever the chief of detectives gets a phone call in his office, it’s invariably about the very case they’re discussing right then!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by DavisMcDavis *
**I remembered another one I’ve noticed - the Golden Girls are all fairly normal in most respects except when it comes to their children they are remarkably senile - they have children they never mention who will show up for exactly one episode and then are never spoken about again. I think they’ve each had one son or daughter apiece, each of whom has shown up out of nowhere without any previous mention only to disappear when s/he’s finished giving birth, marrying an older black woman, or accusing Rose of squandering her inheritance.
The Golden Girls show is a lovely fantasy. Someday I, too, want to move to Florida and live in Golden Girl land. - Notice how active, sexy, and well-dressed these older women are. They keep busy in their community, they have multiple love affairs with an endless supply of suitable men, they are active and healthy, they have little squabbles but are basically a tight knit group of friends. I think the reason we never hear much about their children is because they are so busy, happy, and healthy with their own lives that their children are NOT a major deal with them. This may seem a tad cold, but I find it kind of refreshing that they aren’t smothering/agonizing over/bugging their children in the way typical sitcom moms are wont to do.
Which brings me to my observation, that is, if you are a grandparent on TV you will climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, go to the Supreme Court, engage in a catfight with the other set of grandparents, in order to be with your grandchildren. You will babysit at the drop of a hat. You will be present at their births, or at least pacing the floor in the hospital waiting room. You will sniff their little heads and take them on long picturesque walks in the woods and generally behave like a Family Circus grandmama. You well-off grandparents live in a fancy retirement community and/or Florida, play golf at the country club, and have put aside a bundle to pay for the grandchildren’s education. You low-class grandparents live in a dump and drink beer in front of the TV; a poor grandmother who just scrapes by is more ethnic looking than WASP-ish, wears a shabby cardigan sweater, and can be seen hauling her groceries home in one of those portable things (not a grocery cart, you know what I mean). The just-scraping-by grandmother is most often spotted in a drama and is often in poor health. Nevertheless, every TV grandparent lives, breathes, and dies for their grandchildren.
Regarding grandchildren as plot contrivances: anyone remember the ongoing “As the Stomach Turns” skit on the Carol Burnett show? Every episode her daughter would show up at the door with an illegitimate baby, and C.B. would dump it into the umbrella stand.
One TV (and movie) cliche that’s way overused is people falling in love by bickering. It can work if it’s well done, but if it isn’t (which is most of the time), they just look like two people fighting until they inexplicably smooch.
Another charming device is when somebody gets amnesia from being clonked on the head, and then regain their memory from being clonked on the head again. Amazing how doctors never took advantage of this method of treatment!
Also in the L&O vein, family members always seem so articulate right after they learn of a loved one’s murder–I’ve never been in that position, thank God, but I think I’d be a blubbering idiot.
How about when you’re driving, you’re constantly moving the steering wheel from left to right? It looks so stupid, you’d be swerving all over the road.
This is a slight hijack–but they made the reload time a pivotal part of the gameplay in the game “Metal Gear Solid” 
Revolver Ocelot (one of the bad guys) used a Colt single action Army and the reload time was supposedly something he cherished as a fanatic.
It was actually kinda cool if you could get the 1st person camera view to watch him while he reloaded. He had fast fingers. And he did that cliche ‘twirl it around on your finger’ thing when he was done!
-Ashley
can’t wait for MGS2
And the first one was DAMN cool.
Oh yeah, and some California-specific ones:
In shows set in San Francisco, there hardly ever seems to be any fog.
In shows set in L.A., it’s always beach weather. In reality, those Baywatch babes would be covered in goosebumps a lot of the time. (Maybe that’s why they moved to Hawaii!)
how about the phenominal growth rate of children. when a kid is born on a program we see the infant, but by the end of the season the kid is walking and talking (probably poddy trained as well). and depending on the show, the kid might be a teenager within 2 seasons.
about the reloading, I saw a video of a man who holds the record for speed shooting. he put I believe 3 shoots on 4 seperate targets and reloaded his revolver in less then 2 seconds. he was also able to put 6 shoots on 1 target in under a second with a revolver. he was fast