I figured it was a poorly copied version of what was a chaperon, and he interpreted the vague draperies into a gaudy tea towel.
I think it is rather obvious, the artist caught His Majesty just after his yearly bath and his hair was still wrapped up in the Royal Towel.
Oh, there are plenty of portraits of kings who thought they were Mr. Tough Guy but are merely laughable today.
Here’s Charles II of England &tc. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f6/Charles_II_of_England.jpeg
King Louis XIV of France, the Sun King: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5f/Louis_XIV_of_France.jpg
Maximilian II, Holy Roman Emperor, as a young man: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/75/William_Scrots_001.jpg
His son, Rudolf. Hello, sailor!: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/82/Archdukerudolf.jpg
Is that a cucumber in your codpiece or are you just glad to see me?
How unlike the sensible and sober fashions of our own century! Nobody would dream of looking at pictures of us and laughing in the future. 
I don’t think there’s anything laughable about those fashions, I think they’re absolutely beautiful. I would love it if these sorts of things were in style today.
I especially love this outfit that I recently stumbled on, browsing Wikipedia as usual. That is the Earl of Dorset, Richard Sackville (husband of Lady Anne Clifford, the daughter of Sir George Clifford, Champion of Queen Elizabeth.) I would totally wear that, even with the pom-poms on the shoes.
Hey, you sass that hoopy King Henry the IV? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.
Looks like his head’s on a placemat. “The Earl of Dorset: it’s what’s for dinner.”
Here is his brother, Edward Sackville in a very similar outfit. But if you look carefully it’s a different rug he’s standing on in that picture. What is the name for that kind of half-coat thing on his left side (our right?) It’s in both of the Earls of Dorsets’ portraits - is it a regular coat that’s draped over their left side, or is it some kind of special coat that only covers half of the wearer?
Ok, granting that form has almost totally eclipsed function in that outfit, I’d still like to know what the knee things are/are for.
I’d guess that it’s just a way of displaying the regular coat for the portrait without obscuring the finery below. I doubt it was meant to be worn that way; it looks like it would drag on the floor if either Earl relaxed his left arm.
Oh, I have no doubt that many of our clothes today will be laughable to the proles of 2109 in their xenospandex unitards. But many if not all of the kings and aristocrats of old were trying to look very dignified and stately, by the standards of the day. Much of our contemporary clothing doesn’t strive for that effect, and we already know that.
It’s just an elaborate garter for holding the hose in place.
I think he’s holding a “pink”, a symbolic flower that was common in renaissance engagement portraits.
In both of the Sackville brothers’ portraits, the styles of the faces don’t seem to jive with the rest of the pictures. Even the skin tones don’t match, with the hands. Is there any chance that the faces were filled in seperately? That was the subject wouldn’t have to stand there the whole time, while someone painted all the details on the clothing and the carpets.
It could also explain why the non-face parts of the 2 painting are so similar. You have a shop full of apprentices who can spend long hours filling in the patterns on the carpet, the lace and a generic body, and then the master portrait painter could fill in the face in one sitting.
I think it’s entirely plausible that noblemen like those men would have lighter skin on their hands than on their head, since they would probably be wearing gloves if they were at an outdoor event like a joust or a theater performance, or if they were out hunting.
Henry IV was a member of the House of Lancaster. He’s holding a red rose.
I just want to say thank you for posting those fascinating portraits! Those gentlemen are so handsome, and look so much alike. Their outfits are spectacular. It is noteworthy how similar the portraits are. Maybe the previous poster was correct, that apprentices painted all the details of the clothes and background, and the artist filled in the faces.
The interesting features include: the beautiful and intricate lace on the collars, sleeve cuffs and garters; the rich and detailed embroidery on the fabric (or is it a brocade fabric with the design woven in?); on Richard’s coat, the fringe accent on the edges - what looks to be white or pale blue and yellow threads poking out in a furry fringe edging; Edward’s feathered and flowered multi-tiered hat on the table to the right (Richard’s hat is just a plain top-hat looking thing).
Other details: Notice how Richard is wearing a glove on his right hand (and holding the other one), and its cuff matches the flowers on his doublet (is that the correct term for the top he’s wearing?) and his left hand is ungloved. You can also see slits in the dark velvet on his poofy knee pants through which bits of white linen are pulled out (I think). Even his high-heeled-and-pom-pommed shoes are embroidered in the same black-and-gold-on-white flower motif. Although I have to say the shoes and the pom-poms are a little over the top! Also note Edward’s fringey earring.
These portraits are awesome, and the men so handsome - I think I am in love. I cannot imagine the time and talent involved in making an outfit like these!
Here’s the artist of the Sackville portraits, William Larkin with some other nice paintings by him. Looks like Tastes of Chocolate was right - he did have helpers work on the background details:
Yes, I could look at these paintings for hours. They are much more impressive to me than any modern art - the detail is astonishing. Here is another one I like:
Philip Herbert, 4th Earl of Pembroke. That was the second husband of Lady Anne Clifford, after Sackville died.
He is wearing the robes of the Order of the Garter, which were very fly indeed.
Here’s another portrait I like, from around the same time - but of a different nature entirely. It’s Christian the Younger of Brunswick. As opposed to the dandy gentlemen, this guy is all business, with a matte-black suit of cuirassier armor and a flintlock pistol painted in incredible detail. But to me what is most uncanny about it is the guy’s resemblance to Christian Bale, especially given that they share the same name.
