# What the hell is wrong with ducks today? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 29, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165 "2003-10-29T03:41:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/1 "2003-10-29T03:41:48Z")
Back in my day, ducks were cute critters that one would go to the park to feed. But they have [changed](http://www.nmr.nl/deins815.htm). :eek: :eek: :eek: The depths to which duck kind has sunk shocks even me. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/2 "2003-10-29T03:46:18Z")
To say nothing of the lowly marmot. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/3 "2003-10-29T03:49:56Z")
AFAIK, ducks can be nasty evil “gang bangers”. They will band together to rape a female duck. They don’t necessarily care if she survives the encounter either. :eek: I have personally witnessed more than one male mallard at the zoo prevailing on a female mallard in the water during mating season. She was pushed underwater, I don’t know if she drowned or not, I left soon after I recovered enough to move. This was as a 2nd or 3rd duck was having his turn. There were no zoo keepers in sight either. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/4 "2003-10-29T03:53:34Z")
I’ll add, she was under water much longer than the “dips” ducks usually take looking for food… ---
**Author:** ![messiah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@messiah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/messiah)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/5 "2003-10-29T05:37:06Z")
Whilst playing a round of golf last week, a friend hit a ball, which hit a bird on the head, on the full. The bird (fortunately) was killed instantly, and assumed the standard dead bird position, i.e. on back, legs pointing to heaven. Even before the mandatory birdie jokes, a second bird took quick sexual advantage of the first. Not sure of the name of the bird species, looked like an anorexic magpie. Unfortunately for my friend, the deflection didn’t help make up for the poor shot (should have used a seven iron), and yes he was upset about the bird. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/6 "2003-10-29T05:38:14Z")
I was gonna make a joke about the Genus name…but geesh. ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/7 "2003-10-29T06:47:57Z")
Stop. This thread is giving me a woody. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/8 "2003-10-29T07:23:51Z")
I went to the park to watch the ducks one day last month and saw one duck attempt to have forcible intercourse with another (both still living, thankfully). The victim raised the hue and cry and several other ducks came over and forced her would-be lover off her downy white back, after which the thwarted young mallard went to another part of the pond and pretended he’d been intending to spend some time alone anyway. The hen, her virtue intact, proceeded to bathe herself vigorously. The incident was rather amusing to the human observers. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/9 "2003-10-29T07:38:27Z")
Eh, apparently it’s easy to mistake-a cloaca on a lonely Monday night. [neck hook from stage right] ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/10 "2003-10-29T07:52:54Z")
“Cornered like a dead duck!” * * * Sorry, but my sister once used this this mixed metaphor in her teens and I’ve been teasing her with it for eons. Can’t wait to tell her that it can actually make sense! Or is it cornholed… ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/11 "2003-10-29T07:56:41Z")
When the duck hits your eye Even though it’s had to die, That’s a cloacaaaaa!!! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/12 "2003-10-29T08:15:13Z")
::insert clever Eddie Izzard “tyrrany of ducks” reference [here](http://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath/glorioustranscript.html#tyranny):: ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/13 "2003-10-29T08:26:48Z")
I used to have a pet duck, they’re vicious little buggers, believe it. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/14 "2003-10-29T08:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Keywords: homosexuality, necrophilia, non-consensual copulation, mallard, _Anas platyrhynchos_ **DreadCthulhu** , just what the hell kind of search were you doing, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/15 "2003-10-29T08:49:41Z")
Just some necro stuff - its not like I am gay or anything. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/16 "2003-10-29T09:06:24Z")
I mean, once your sexual partner is _ **dead** _, worrying about things like, whether they’re witty, or a good listener, or the right gender, seem to pale in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/17 "2003-10-29T09:06:59Z")
You realize, of course, that after the “duelling piano” sequence in _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_, Daffy and Donald went back to Donald’s trailer to do lines and engage in mallard-on-mallard bondage fun. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/18 "2003-10-29T10:37:44Z")
Once again, Dutch scientists step up to the plate to tackle the issues taboo’d in other nations. I for one applaud them, and look forward to this man’s detailed analysis of lesbian bovine strangulation sex. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/19 "2003-10-29T13:06:28Z")
> [@](#): > > An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes. You know, after the first 30 minutes or so, I think I’d get a bit bored… ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/20 "2003-10-29T13:31:56Z")
**moriah** ya cracked me up. ## quote: ## An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes. Maybe they were a couple and in his despair he was trying to revive his partner. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165.md?page=2)