# What the hell is wrong with ducks today? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 29, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165 "2003-10-29T03:41:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/21 "2003-10-29T14:43:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. B \* > \*\*Eh, apparently it’s easy to mistake-a cloaca on a lonely Monday night. > > [neck hook from stage right] \*\* Cloaca? Do birds only have one orifice for mating and elimination? ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/22 "2003-10-29T14:45:16Z")
The water birds I’ve heard are real nasty are swans. No cites, sorry, but the ill-natured disposition of swans even figures in a few P.G. Wodehouse stories, the swan-related episodes always ending with the human running away as fast as he could, or climbing onto the roof. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/23 "2003-10-29T14:48:42Z")
> [@](#): > > DreadCthulhu, just what the hell kind of search were you doing, anyway? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Just some necro stuff - its not like I am gay or anything. \*\* Whew. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/24 "2003-10-29T15:09:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spectre of Pithecanthropus \* > \*\*Cloaca? Do birds only have one orifice for mating and elimination? \*\* [Avian Anatomy](http://www.exoticpetvet.net/avian/anatomy.html) > **[Wild Birds](https://www.thespruce.com/wild-birds-4127712)** > > Both backyard birders and ornithologists will find relevant tips about their favorite birds, all written by an experienced expert in the field. Yep. Lots of other sites, too, if you Google bird cloaca anatomy. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/25 "2003-10-29T15:13:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DaToad \* > \*\*Maybe they were a couple and in his despair he was trying to revive his partner. \*\* \ ---
**Author:** ![Nausicaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@Nausicaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nausicaa)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/26 "2003-10-29T15:15:59Z")
Men are not dogs - they’re ducks. _Who let the ducks out? Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack!_ ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/27 "2003-10-29T15:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > **AFAIK** , ducks can be nasty evil “gang bangers”. They will band together to rape a female duck. They don’t necessarily care if she survives the encounter either. :eek: > \ Surely I’m not the only one. . . ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Blunty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Captain\_Blunty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Blunty)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/28 "2003-10-29T15:33:03Z")
[Apu] Your ducks are really trying my patience… but they’re so cute. [/Apu] ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/29 "2003-10-29T15:52:06Z")
I lived on a small man-made pond and the MONSCOBIE DUCKS inhabitated the place. The babies are really cute. Yellow and fuzzy but after about a month they are ugly and leave their acid droppings everywhere. You cannot get the poop off the sidewalk because of its chemical make up. They nest everywhere they can and often. OOOOOOOOh they drive me nuts! Funny thing is the ducks could never be found near the Vietnamese household. Things that make you go hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/30 "2003-10-29T16:01:22Z")
**MEBuckner** , that’s the first thought I had, too. I don’t think I want to know the story behind that search. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/31 "2003-10-29T16:15:38Z")
Velma, my first thought were along the lines of Bruce\_Daddy’s. As a matter of fact, I was planning on searching for a punnable phrase, but the subject matter ejected all extraneous thought from my mind :eek: (Good catch, **Bruce** :)) ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/32 "2003-10-29T16:19:56Z")
The author of the paper cited in the OP won the [Ig Nobel](http://www.improb.com/ig/ig-top.html) for Biology in 2003. The Ig Nobel prizes are awarded by the Annals of Improbable Research to scientists who publish or otherwise do research into things that probably shouldn’t be researched. At least, that’s where I first ran across this report of homosexual necrophiliac mallards. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/33 "2003-10-29T16:26:50Z")
I kid you not, there are a number of scientific articles written about necrophila in the animal world. (This is the first one I’ve seen about homosexual necrophilia, though.) It’s often referred to as “Davian behavior,” in reference to: > [@](#): > > _There was an old hermit named Dave > Who kept a dead whore in his cave > He did admit > The feeling was shit > But think of the money he saved!_ In birds, this is called “avian Davian behavior.” (I am not making this up.) By the way, ducks are one of the few kinds of birds in which the male has a penis, which is usually retracted within the cloaca. The Argentine Lake Duck has a penis half as long as its body length (equivalent to a human having one about 3 feet long.) [The 20-cm Spiny Penis of the Argentine Lake Duck (Oxyura vittata)](http://www.bioone.org/bioone/?request=get-document&issn=0004-8038&volume=117&issue=03&page=0820) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/34 "2003-10-29T16:28:05Z")
Ducks! I don’t know what’s wrong with these ducks today! Ducks! They are necrophiliac and they’re gay! Ducks! They’re all mounting corpses all along the beach! Horny, crazy, dirty, lazy, rapists! While we’re on the subject: Ducks! You can photograph it and they don’t care! Ducks! They will mount and hump while you stand and stare! Why can’t they be like swans are, Perfect in every way? What’s the matter with ducks today? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/35 "2003-10-29T16:38:05Z")
**Colibri** , I was gonna have to give you a stern Official Warning about posting porn links, but since that just takes you to an “AUTHORIZATION CHECK” sign in for BioOne, I guess that satisfies the “two-click rule”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/36 "2003-10-29T16:42:11Z")
I swear to dog, Eve…first post that made me need to tell you all about the coffee now drenching my monitor. Gotta love them show tunes! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/37 "2003-10-29T16:44:08Z")
Previously when I’d heard someone mention deboning a duck… ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/38 "2003-10-29T16:49:16Z")
Now I know why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo… What? ---
**Author:** ![ThatDuckIsEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@ThatDuckIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatDuckIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/39 "2003-10-29T17:06:08Z")
What’s wrong, you ask? Well, I’m kinda down in the dumps lately. Weather change and all. Job sucks. Bunions achin like a mutha---- oh. I see. Bravo, Eve! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165/40 "2003-10-29T17:20:50Z")
I always thought they were saying that birds of a feather _flocked_ together. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-ducks-today/210165.md?page=3)