# What the hell is wrong with women? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314 "2003-07-27T21:34:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/1 "2003-07-27T21:34:53Z")
I ask this question because over the course of my 35 years I have noticed a common thread. Situation 1: I’m married… My wife gets pregnant by someone else. She then talks me into not divorcing her, then does it _again_. In the process of the divorce she tells me that she “wants to stay friends”. Situation 2: My divorce is behind me. I’m seeing someone new. I find out that her divorce wasn’t really official just yet, and that all of a sudden she is moving back in with her hubby. She “wants to stay friends”. Situation 3: I’m seeing someone else. Things look pretty good. We get along well. Work, though, causes me to move three and a half hours away. She decides that the long distance relationship isn’t for her, but she “wants to stay friends”. Now… I’m figuring that she’ll either change her mind or I can move back near where she lives or something… So I stay in touch with her… But then she starts telling mew about this new guy she is seeing. Grand. This is fun. Not only does she break up with me no more than a week before I was actually going to propose to her, but now she feels obligated to tell me about the guy she is now sleeping with. So I pretty plainly tell her I’m not interested in hearing about her new boy toy, and that if that’s all she ever wants to talk about, she can bloody well talk to someone else. She gets all weepy and tells me that she doesn’t want to lose my friendship. Note: Women’s tears should officially be classified as a mind control drug. So I cave in and don’t start blocking her number with my caller ID. But she _still_ talks endlessly about what a great time she has with this other guy. Then, Friday night she calls me. She tells me that she broke up with so and so and she is mad at him… I notice traffic noise in the background… I ask her if she is in her car and she tells me that she is… I ask her if she is on her way home from so and so’s house… She tells me that she is on her way to spend the night at some **other** guy’s house. Now, at this point I figure there are a few distinct and separate possibilities. A: She is clueless and just doesn’t understand that every time she tells me things like this, it feels like she is pouring a large sized bag of driveway salt into the gaping hole left when she ripped my heart out of my chest cavity. But she is a relatively smart girl, and I don’t believe that is the case. B: She is simply a sadistic psychotic who enjoys torturing the men in her life at every turn. Although I wouldn’t have believed this at first, her continued insistence to tell me about her sex life leads me to lean on this as the most likely theory. I simply say “Well, have fun” and I hang up. She called back immediately. I saw her number on the caller ID and I picked up the phone and said only “Don’t _call_ here any more” and hung up again. Maybe I over reacted. Maybe she was sincere and just wanted to be friends. Or maybe - and I am starting to think this is likely - women are just broken. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/2 "2003-07-27T21:49:19Z")
Are you generalizing that **All** women are like this one you are describing? or Are you claiming that **all** of your experiences have been like the one described? Either way…it appears that you have the problem. Tell her to fuck off and find someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/3 "2003-07-27T21:50:17Z")
Well, I’m not going to bash women in general, but it sure sounds like you might want to sever things with the latest. At least for a year or so. ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/4 "2003-07-27T21:53:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by t-keela \* > \*\* or Are you claiming that **all** of your experiences have been like the one described? > \*\* Perhaps I should have been more precise… That was what I was getting at… It seems to happen in much the same way every time a relationship I’m involved in comes to an end… Yes, I know… The only constant in every case is _me_… But I’m not the one telling these women to talk about their new relationships, et cetera… I just don’t understand the impulse that women apprently feel to tell their ex boyfriends about their new SO’s… ---
**Author:** ![Undead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b3f665/32.png) [@Undead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Undead)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/5 "2003-07-27T21:56:24Z")
who does that woman think she is? how insensitive… bro, I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships- - - I’ve had quite a few bad ones myself…cant really say for sure if my current one is good or bad; right now, I feel like i’m falling out of love :\ _grumble grumble_ women… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/6 "2003-07-27T22:38:53Z")
I’m friendly with moth of my exes – but there’s often a cooling-off period between breaking up and resuming friendly relations, and I would never discuss the details of a new relationship with an ex. (That I’m seeing someone, yes, if it’s relevant to what we’re talking about – but what’s going on in the relationship, no.) You seem to have a thing for bitches… ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/7 "2003-07-27T22:41:46Z")
Not all women are like this. I know a lot of men who do the same exact thing as you described above. My ex husband is one of them. As a very wise person once told me…“no one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to”. Change your phone number. Hopefully she doesn’t have your address so she doesn’t just pop in. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/8 "2003-07-27T22:55:13Z")
The common denominator in all of these situations is **you**. What have you been doing wrong? Having relationships with the wrong women. Either find better women or become the type of guy better women like to hang out with. Don’t categorize the rest of us, please. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/9 "2003-07-27T23:02:06Z")
At least you’ve figured out that the smart play is telling her (woman #3? I lost track) to bugger off. You did not overreact, you don’t need that kind of crap. Obviously your thread title is an over-generalization yada yada yada, I’ll let the other posters give you that sermon. ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/10 "2003-07-27T23:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elysian \* > \*\*The common denominator in all of these situations is **you**. > > or become the type of guy better women like to hang out with.\*\* :smack: Of course! It simply **has** to be my fault that the women I’ve been involved with want to tell me about their new boyfriends! What ever was I thinking?! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/11 "2003-07-27T23:06:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by neuroman \* > \*\* > Obviously your thread title is an over-generalization yada yada yada, I’ll let the other posters give you that sermon. \*\* Ok, will it satisfy people if I append the title with …that I’ve dated? ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/12 "2003-07-27T23:16:41Z")
The let’s be friends thing is bullshit. Don’t fall for that crap…it’s just a way to keep you around for favors or to have someone familiar to dump on. Don’t fuck your friends and don’t try to be friends with people you’ve fucked…with very few exceptions! I know there are a few examples to the contrary. Hey, you got lucky. 🙂 Ex-lovers are just that. EX keep it that way. Even reunions rarely work out. If the fire’s gone out of the relationship, odds are it’s out for good. It’s rather pathetic to see a poor shmuck hanging around his ex looking for handouts in hopes of rekindling their past relationship. The ex- usually realizes the power they hold over the other and will often take advantage of the situation. Sorry if this seems a little pessimistic but that’s just the way it is. You seem like a decent, caring individual. Try a little self evaluating to determine why you attract or are attracted to these types. Perhaps it is something you do or say to invite women to belittle you this way. in any case…you will definitely NOT help your chances by claiming that you think “women are broken”. Good luck 🙂 Personally speaking, I think women are fucking wonderful (pardon the pun) I love 'em all (with a few individual exceptions & NO we are not still friends) All types, races, cultures…they are without a doubt, the best that this life has to offer. How the hell we men deserve them is truly one of the biggest mysteries of all. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/13 "2003-07-28T00:04:26Z")
I am out of patience with men who whine about women AND women who whine about men. Look, those women didn’t have to ask to be friends. They could have turned their back on you completely, told you off, etc. They were trying to be kind, strangely enough. That said, if you don’t want to be friends and don’t want to listen to subsequent relationships, you can hang up on them and complain to us about how injured you are _shrug_. My comments were helpfully meant. I don’t know why I even bother sometimes. Be a bit more particular about who you go out with, and these things won’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![CadburyAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/14 "2003-07-28T00:11:46Z")
[crackle] Headquarters, this is 14221. Target Sejal\_Traurig is onto us, repeat, onto us! [crackle] ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/15 "2003-07-28T00:14:34Z")
Elysian, perhaps I wasn’t quite clear in what I said… In the OP I indicated that I told her I didn’t want to have anything more to do with her since she seemingly only wanted to talk about her new relationships. I didn’t talk to her for days, but then she _begged_ me not to end our friendship. When I ended up caving in to her, she continued as in the past, telling me about the guy she is sleeping with now. Perhaps that wasn’t clear in the OP, but I was trying to not be overly pedantic. (You should have seen the ORIGINAL original post… It was heavily edited to get to what you see now. Apprently some meaning was lost. My apologies.) Effectively, what it somes down to is that I’d like to understand **WHY** women tell their exes about their new relationships… If you take that as whiny, I suppose you have that right… But I think it is a question fairly asked. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/16 "2003-07-28T00:24:03Z")
Okay, fair enough. Maybe I wasn’t sure what your post was really about, or what you were really complaining about since you went into a lot of detail about past relationships and the friendship thing. I actually hate talking to anyone I know about intimate aspects of any relationship, so I know that not _all_ women do this. The only explanation that I can give you about her behavior is that, when people are friends with each other, they generally share parts of their lives with each other. Maybe that’s the only thing she talks about with her friends. I can definitely understand why you don’t want to hear it! ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/17 "2003-07-28T01:13:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sejal\_Traurig \* > \*\*Effectively, what it somes down to is that I’d like to understand **WHY** women tell their exes about their new relationships… If you take that as whiny, I suppose you have that right… But I think it is a question fairly asked. \*\* I think it’s a way of, well, maybe proving to the guy and themself that they are over the guy, even if they’re really not. But then, I don’t speak to the one person I really think of as an ex, much less tell him about the man/men in my life now. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/18 "2003-07-28T01:24:18Z")
SEJAL, I think you need what my Southern sisters would call a “Come to Jesus talk.” C’mere and let me 'spain something to you: Women tell men (and men tell women) they “just want to be friends” as a way to try to let the other person down gently, as opposed to dropping him or her like a hot rock. As you are discovering, though, sometimes the quick and bloody severing of the relationship is, in the long run, far kinder than leaving expectations of friendship, when you either cannot or will not fulfill those expectations. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself – saying “we’ll always be friends” to a guy when the truth is I _have_ friends, and what I’m really looking for is a relationship, and I’m unlikely to be interested in long-term friendship with a guy with whom I have no real history, when all we have between us is a failed romance. But he was really confused and hurt by this – and reasonably so – so I try not to do the “let’s be friends” thing anymore. But wise daters understand that “let’s be friends” is kind of a sweet nothing, and even if the person saying it really means it at the time it’s said, it’s probably not going to work out that way. Nine times out of ten – heck, 99 times out of 100 – people who dated and then broke up will just drift apart. Frankly, you shouldn’t expect anything else. Now, in your case, it sounds like you twice got the “let’s be friends” speech in its classic form – i.e., uttered by people who didn’t really mean it, and who later drifted away. It sounds like this last time you got if from a girl who is using you to make herself feel attractive, by making you feel jealous or by continually confirming that you’re still interested in her. Step back and realize that even if she _did_ mean “let’s be friends,” she is not being a friend to you. Instead, she is using you and hurting you. With friends like that, who needs enemies? And with all due respect, you sound like a bit of a, um, well, a door mat where women are concerned. (Sorry!) “I’m pregnant by another man! Can we still be friends?” Fuck no, we can’t still be friends! Friends don’t betray each other. “Whoopsie! I’m still married and I’m going back to my husband! Can we still be friends?” See above response. “Even though we have a romantic history and I know hearing about other relationships hurts you, I’m going to tell you all the gory details because we’re _friends_! Okay???” No, _not_ okay, because friends don’t hurt each other. Instead of wondering why these women say they’ll stay friends with you when they don’t mean it, ask yourself why on earth you’d want the friendship of any of them. Kiss this chick goodbye and start looking for someone who actually deserves your respect, attention, and friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Anal\_Scurvy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/19 "2003-07-28T02:29:49Z")
Your ex-wife and this girl do not want to fuck you. They want to fuck someone else while keeping you in a position to take advantage of you. It’s not you, they’ll treat anyone like this who lets them. What _is_ you is that they don’t want to fuck you. You might be the greatest lover on the planet, but you’re also a doormat. They don’t have to do anything to keep you, so where’s the excitement? With the other guy, who is either the alpha male, the rebel, or the jerk. All more exciting than the doormat. My two cents. No cruelty intended. ---
**Author:** ![finette6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@finette6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/finette6)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314/20 "2003-07-28T03:10:12Z")
My two cents (as a woman who would NEVER pull shit like this, and has severed ties with female friends who have) is that you should not get into a romantic relationship with a person you couldn’t be friends with. Not as preparation for ‘let’s be friends’, but because, as **Jodi** pointed out so eloquently, friends don’t betray eachother (at least not the kind you want), and a woman who you could be friends with will be way less likely to do this kind of thing than one you hooked up with from purely romantic/lustful reasons (not implying anything about you, just an example) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-women/191314.md?page=2)