# What the ideal dangerous creature to keep in my moat? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2018, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460 "2018-05-19T14:16:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2018, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/21 "2018-05-19T21:22:01Z")
Kittens. No water, just kittens. Nobody would step on them, & most people would be so busy cooing, they’d never attack. Kittens in the moat. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2018, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/22 "2018-05-19T21:23:28Z")
Microbes – to wit, you need to drill deep into the ground and establish a moat formed from a warm spring pool like those in the Yellowstone area and make sure it is properly stocked with the appropriate microbes. A very broad moat with a chemistry that will consume anything that might be used to cross it. This means that you will need a very broad verge around your house, because those sulphrous pools smell quite unpleasant. You can stock your verge area with wolverines, because those things take no shit off of anyone. And some rabbits, to keep the wolverines from starving. Those big monitor lizards would be delightfully fearsome, but they are not very cold-tolerant. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2018, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/23 "2018-05-19T23:03:24Z")
Avalonian grendels. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/24 "2018-05-20T00:46:24Z")
A moat sounds like an ideal environment for malarial mosquitoes. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/25 "2018-05-20T00:54:25Z")
Texans. It’s their dream job. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/26 "2018-05-20T01:06:25Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Texans. It’s their dream job. What do you think I’m trying to keep out?! Maybe I should fill it with kale? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/27 "2018-05-20T01:21:28Z")
Why bother with wildlife that’s bound to escape the moat and hurt you ? That you have to feed and care for and ugh, it’s just so much effort and you know Igor will just fuck it up half the time, half-ass it the rest of the time… Just have the moat be boiling hot at all times. Medieval engineers didn’t have access to electricity, but you do ! ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/28 "2018-05-20T02:12:11Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > Clearly I’m willing to throw some funds into this endeavor but I couldn’t afford the hourly rate for this. Well it doesn’t have to be your ex wives.:rolleyes: OK, that’s not a good answer.:smack: How about a gross out? Fill it with used band aides and shower drain hair.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/29 "2018-05-20T02:33:25Z")
The Kraken. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/30 "2018-05-20T02:37:37Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > That’s certainly viable. Maybe I’m thinking of this in the wrong way. Move away from actively dangerous defensive creatures and just focus on setting up an effective alert. I can feed 500 chihuahua for the price of one hippo and _nobody_ is getting over that wall quietly. Og help me if somebody rings the doorbell though. Ah, yes. But if you have to eat them in a siege morale will nosedive. Plus after a few generations the little skulls will build up and make everybody sad. > [@jtur88](#): > > A moat sounds like an ideal environment for malarial mosquitoes. Right, guppies. Whatever else you do you are going to need a healthy herd of guppies to eat the larvae. Malarial mosquitoes can not be prevented from breaching the walls, and you can’t keep your troops on Gin and Tonic all the time. > [@Riemann](#): > > Texans. It’s their dream job. If you do that get the blackberry bushes and the wild boars too. Just toss about fifty of each in, they’ll eventually settle into an ecosystem.\* \*But don’t try to tell that to the Texans; they don’t believe in it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/31 "2018-05-20T02:42:47Z")
Go catch a Loch Ness monster. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/32 "2018-05-20T02:45:57Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > What do you think I’m trying to keep out?! Maybe I should fill it with kale? No, you fill it with people from Oregon and tell them there are Californians trying to get in. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/33 "2018-05-20T05:13:15Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > No, you fill it with people from Oregon and tell them there are Californians trying to get in. Oregonians would know those aren’t real Californians because they aren’t always talking about real estate. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/34 "2018-05-20T06:25:45Z")
Animals of any type just are not sufficiently reliable. Motion-activated sentry miniguns, that’s what you want. Impersonal, implacable death. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/35 "2018-05-20T07:24:02Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > …Motion-activated sentry miniguns… Yup, as Ripley famously said in Aliens, “Shoot them with remote sentry guns, it’s the only way to be sure.” ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/36 "2018-05-20T07:39:42Z")
One of the appealing things about alligators and crocodiles is you don’t need to worry about feeding them, not very often at least. Adults of either can go up to 2-3 years between meals. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/37 "2018-05-20T11:22:32Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Go catch a Loch Ness monster. > [@panache45](#): > > The Kraken. You ever tried to get one of those through customs? ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/38 "2018-05-20T11:34:37Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > and you can’t keep your troops on Gin and Tonic all the time. And why is that? Granted in a siege situation, supplies might run low but would you really want to survive that? You’re probably better of just ending it. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/39 "2018-05-20T11:37:32Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > No, you fill it with people from Oregon and tell them there are Californians trying to get in. People from Oregon can’t survive in Nebraska. If you can believe it, we’re 30 miles from the nearest Starbucks. I couldn’t ask them to tolerate that. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2018, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460/40 "2018-05-20T12:19:29Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Avalonian grendels. Good one, no doubt. But they’re so territorial - and hungry - you’re eventually just ending up with one no matter WHAT you do. It’s a problem. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-the-ideal-dangerous-creature-to-keep-in-my-moat/814460.md?page=3)