# What things can a person say to you to make you lose respect instantly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 6, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755 "2003-11-06T19:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/61 "2003-11-08T03:00:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*Another classic often uttered by teenage womenfolk: > > “I’m having too much fun for a boyfriend right now.” > > (Doubtless it’s “too much fun” eating cookie dough ice cream while crying.) \*\* Do be careful. My typical “dating” status is “not dating, by choice.” I may find it lonely from time to time, but there are a LOT of compensations. Cookie dough ice cream and tears are not on that list. Doubtless generalisations can prove dangerous to those uttering them. As for what type of statements cause me to lose respect for the person I am speaking to, I have always believed that both respect and contempt are earned. If the speaker is racking up points in the contempt column, they are often declaiming foolishness such as: - intolerance of disability, race, religion, gender, lifestyle, etc - bad bad grammar - “my opinion is better than your opinion” - status-chasing “What a loser, look at your car” as mentioned; or “he’s so cool, he drives the Penis 500 LE!! That thing costs $xxx,xxx.” ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/62 "2003-11-08T04:50:42Z")
“But we never concreted those plans!” Um, if you say, “How about sushi on Friday?” And I say, “Okay,” I’m going to show up at our regular sushi bar at our regular time. I don’t care if you suggested it WAY BACK on Monday, I’m going to pencil you in on my mental calendar, turn down other offers, and show up. If you don’t, it’s rude and will cause a lack of respect. Respect my time, and I will respect yours. “I can’t help it. This is just the way I am.” (especially when coming from one of my teenage students) Well, guess what, sugar, people change, and it’s time you look into it. “I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just being honest.” You’re still being rude, you twit. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/63 "2003-11-08T05:09:03Z")
Watch out, **shrew**. A friend and I have this same arguement all the time. If I suggest seeing a movie, say, and I tell her I’ll call her on Friday, to her, **these plans are concrete**. Even if we never decided on a time, a movie, or anything. So, if I call her Friday, and say I can’t make it, she gets pissy because she assumes that, when you mention plans, they’re solidified. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/64 "2003-11-08T05:12:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Princess Ana \* > \*\*Actual conversation, three times that I can recall off the top of my head: > “Do you have a boyfriend?” > “Never have.” > “Aahm!.. are you, um, you know?” A hamster? No. Lesbian? No, I’m not that either. > > Teenage girls are weird like that. Another annoying one is when I bring up a serious issue and try to get a discussion going, and they give an answer like “Because it’s, like, wrong? I mean, you know, it just sucks.” Not entirely sure how to put it; whenever I try that kind of babble myself it comes out as 1337speak (punctuated by LOLs rather than actual giggles). \*\* I have nothing to add to your comment, other than to say that it’s cool to see someone else in the Louisville area on here. I live in Sellersburg. ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/65 "2003-11-08T07:11:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FilmGeek \* > \*\*I went acrossed the street. Or acrost. > > Jerry Steinfeld (for Jerry Seinfeld)… my brother’s bad habit. > \*\* Or, more commonly, Jerry Seinf **i** eld. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/66 "2003-11-08T07:16:18Z")
Oh, and mocking the way I dance. I’m not doing it to impress you, girlfriend! ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/67 "2003-11-08T15:21:00Z")
- racist remarks - bigoted remarks - sexist remarks - sheer ignorance - Appeal to Authority - Appeal to Numbers - history revisionists - Creationists - religious fundamentalists ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/68 "2003-11-08T15:28:50Z")
People who make a serious mistake or do something really nasty, and then offer an excuse that is very flimsey or extremely convoluted or even worse, immediately say “Well, you do it too,” even if it’s something I have never done and wouldn’t do if you put a gun to my head. Instead of saying “I messed up. I’m sorry.” ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/69 "2003-11-08T16:07:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > Watch out, **shrew**. A friend and I have this same arguement all the time. > > If I suggest seeing a movie, say, and I tell her I’ll call her on Friday, to her, **these plans are concrete**. Even if we never decided on a time, a movie, or anything. So, if I call her Friday, and say I can’t make it, she gets pissy because she assumes that, when you mention plans, they’re solidified. If those plans weren’t concrete, then why did you bother to call her to say you couldn’t make it? If there were no commitment, why call? Do you see that she has arranged her whole Friday night around spending time with you, and you’ve destroyed her evening? Do you understand that if your logic worked, you would never get to see your friend because since your plans with her were never solidified, she would accept any other offer over yours since you can’t be depended upon? You’re using her as your “in case of emergency” plans. Just in case you don’t find something better to do, you’ll go out with her. That’s weak. Another example: Thanksgiving before last, an ex called me from California and said he wanted to bring his new fiance home for Christmas, and would I plan a New Year’s Eve party to introduce her to our friends? I said yes. I planned the party. Christmas comes, no phone call. New Year’s Eve party comes, no friend and fiance. I call his parents’ house and ask if he’s there. (In order for this story to make sense you should know his parents think I caused his first divorce, so I don’t call his parents’ house without good reason, nor does he call mine.) He gets on the phone, I calmly ask why he isn’t at the party, and he says, “What? Did you actually plan a party? We never concreted those plans!” Weak. I’m sure I haven’t convinced you, but rest assured if you and I met and you exhibited said behavior, I would indeed lose respect for you because of your lack of respect for others. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/70 "2003-11-08T18:06:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Oh, and mocking the way I dance. I’m not doing it to impress you, girlfriend! \*\* Ooh yes. I had a complete stranger come up to me in a club once, apparently for the express purpose of informing me that I dance badly. (Like I didn’t already know.) What a twit. “Of course we had to go to war with Iraq! Didn’t all the September 11th hijackers come from there?” is right up there, too. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/71 "2003-11-08T19:48:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FilmGeek \* > \*\*I went acrossed the street. Or acrost. > > Jerry Steinfeld (for Jerry Seinfeld)… my brother’s bad habit. > > Using big words in an attempt to sound smart, but misusing AND mispronouncing them. \*\* “Un-scath-t” and “marine corpse” right up there. And Parthinians instead of Parthians, even when I tell you it’s the Parthians and they never had a “Parthinan Empire” anyways! People who use “smart” words to appear intelligent and refined, but apparently they don’t know any other words to use, so they just keep using that one. People like that just piss me off. “Hey kids, using ‘continuity’ and ‘transverse’ every couple of sentences adds spice to your statements and makes people want to listen to you!” ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/72 "2003-11-08T20:04:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*“Times” instead of “multiply.” Talk about making my skin crawl… \*\* I hear you on that one, **Colinmarshall**. Relatedly, a friend of mine says ‘plus’ instead of ‘add:’ “so you take 72 and plus it by 79…” _cringe/spasm/twitch_ ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/73 "2003-11-08T21:10:27Z")
For me, “five times two is ten” is okay. “Take five and times it by two and you get ten” is not. Same idea with “2 plus 2 is 4” vs “2 and plus it by 6 is 8.” I’m not going to lose that much respect for them, it’s more of a pet peeve kind of thing. (Hee, “king of thing.” Yeah.) On the other hand, “five multiplied by two is ten” doesn’t sound _quite right_. ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/74 "2003-11-08T21:13:01Z")
Two things which send people _right down_ in my estimation: They reveal themselves as a Trekkie. They reveal themselves as an Elvis fan. Immediate switch-off … cannot relate to them, cannot take them seriously. No way. Nope. Ah well … it takes all sorts, I guess. Julie ---
**Author:** ![SJSB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@SJSB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SJSB)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/75 "2003-11-08T21:29:32Z")
I have to agree with Shirley Ujest on a couple of points there. Overt political correctness bugs the hell out of me. I’m not “vertically challenged”, I’m short. I’m not “fiscally challenged”, my job just doesn’t pay well. It’s almost like people who say those things are making excuses for others. Also, the name thing annoys me too. I work with a woman whose son is called “Keaton”. My SO’s nephew is called Harrison. I just don’t get it. There must be something in the water. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/76 "2003-11-08T21:42:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SJSB \* > My SO’s nephew is called Harrison. I just don’t get it. There must be something in the water. My grandfather was named Harrison, so I don’t think that’s a new name. Keaton, on other hand, is lame. Although the alternative is that we only use the same names over and over again… My pet peeve regarding names relates to my students who get huffy if I mispronounce their name the first time I see it. “Is Shaquililililia here?” I say trying to pronounce every syllable. “My name is [shakeela]!!” (said with total attitude). or more recently the name “Cardia” pronounced like “Cartier” and attached to a boy. Makes my fingers itch. ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Fish\_Mouth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@Baby\_Fish\_Mouth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Fish_Mouth)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/77 "2003-11-08T21:57:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*“There’s still a need for feminism in 2003.” \*\* Wow. I would lose ALL respect for someone who said that. But I would also guess that you and I have very different definitions of what feminism is. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/78 "2003-11-08T22:16:14Z")
Blah blah blah proactive, blah blah blah. Eat a gun why don’t ya! ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/79 "2003-11-08T22:35:07Z")
quote] **Urban Ranger** - racist remarks - bigoted remarks - sexist remarks - sheer ignorance - Appeal to Authority - Appeal to Numbers - history revisionists - Creationists - religious fundamentalists [/quote] I _loved_ this list until I got to _history revisionists_. I think I know what you are saying. I am furious when people try to deny well-documented historical fact. But when legend has taken the status of historical fact, that misinformation needs to be corrected in textbooks. Or if the discovery of old documents sheds new light on an historical event, then revisions are in order. Do you agree? ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/80 "2003-11-08T23:24:40Z")
The usual bigoted remarks stuff … People asking me [6’2"] if I play basketball, or what’s the weather like up there, or any other “humerous” remark about my height … I used to be friends with a woman I’ll refer to as B, I lost what respect for her I may have had due to the following: B used to [convieniently] have the total opposite viewpoint to every opinion I had, and made a point of arguing furiously if I dared voice an opinion (her opinion would suddenly do a 180 if someone else shared my opinion). B went around town and told anyone she could that another friend of mine (I’ll call her V) had stolen €500 from her place of work (she hadn’t) and she told a guy who alledgedly hated V that V had told everyone they’d had sex (V did not say this about the guy at all) B did these things because she hated “that fat cow”, which struck me as odd given B was a good bit fatter than V … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=5)