# What things can a person say to you to make you lose respect instantly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 6, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755 "2003-11-06T19:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Winterwren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Winterwren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winterwren)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/81 "2003-11-08T23:51:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mach Tuck \* > \*\*“What’s your sign?” > > "Can I ‘ax’ you a question? > > “To get the answer you times it by three…” \*\* Just as a data point, some of us actually have difficulty pronouncing “sk” and “sks” at the end of sentences. (I get around it as much as possible by saying “Question, if I may…”.) ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/82 "2003-11-08T23:54:56Z")
I am rather on the short side, and I am actually aware of this fact, so why do people feel the need to say, “Wow, you’re short!”? Thank you, Captain Obvious. People who know I have cats and say things like, “Eww! I hate cats! They’re the other white meat!” C’mon, you must WANT me to dislike you, eh? Similarly, people who say that I am harming my cats’ well-being and making them unhappy by keeping them indoors… yeah, and when your cat gets squashed by a car, don’t come crying to me… I’ll be too busy snuggling with my purring, but clearly unhappy, cats. If I’d wanted your opinion about how I should care for my pets, I’d have asked. The use of “that’s gay” to mean “that sucks” or “you’re gay” as an insult. My students do this from time to time, and I correct them immediately. Some of them actually argue with me that _I’m_ the one who doesn’t understand what the word “gay” means. Riiiight. People who use the word “bee-yatch.” I don’t like it. “You’re a vegetarian? But you eat fish/chicken/etc., right?” Look, lemme draw you a picture: Plant Kingdom, Animal Kingdom. Never the twain shall meet. Along those lines, “Omigod! How can you NOT eat (insert meat product of choice)?” Do you really want me to go into this? Especially at the dinner table? I’ve been asked this over Thanksgiving dinner-- does this person really want me to launch into a heavy discussion of my morality and personal choices, including a critique of the food they currently have in their mouths? No, that would be you asking me not only to expose my deeply-held beliefs up to your inevitable ridicule and scorn, but it would be you asking me to be rude… which I’m just going to leave up to you, since you’re obviously really good at it. [Note: the above does not apply to people who want a sincere exchange of ideas about vegetarian. It is easy to tell the difference.] “Ewww! Why do people want to be gay?”, “Don’t Jews rule the world?” and “Anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas is a loser.” Said by students of mine. Nice, huh? Who I really lose respect for in these situations is the parents, since the kids who said this were too young to have formulated such horrible opinions on their own. I’ll stop now before I turn this into a Pit thread. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/83 "2003-11-09T01:53:53Z")
> [@](#): > > “You’re a vegetarian? But you eat fish/chicken/etc., right?” Look, lemme draw you a picture: Plant Kingdom, Animal Kingdom. Never the twain shall meet. -Do you eat chicken, Bob? -I’m a vegetarian. I eat vegetables. -How about fish? -Fish are not vegetables. -Do you eat shrimp? -No, but you’re starting to look good. - _Dilbert_ ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/84 "2003-11-09T02:17:14Z")
I wonder how many people have submitted “I support George Bush”? That certainly works on me. “Accept Jesus into your life” ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/85 "2003-11-09T02:41:24Z")
“Guesstimate”. Christ, I hate that word. ---
**Author:** ![choosybeggar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@choosybeggar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choosybeggar)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/86 "2003-11-09T02:45:12Z")
but it bugs me plenty. I ask patients all day about their medical history. Have you had skin cancer? Melanoma? Gonorrhea? Heart Attacks? Brain transplantation? Inevitably, unless they’ve had said ailment, they respond,“Not that I know of.” Why not say no? Is everybody so worried about a silent disaster brewing in their bowels? Ooh, I know I’m only in my second year of residency, but I’m afraid that by the time I finish, I’ll have busted open an aneurysm or two. ---
**Author:** ![sundog66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@sundog66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sundog66)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/87 "2003-11-09T03:04:59Z")
It seems that the last form of acceptable discrimination is dialect discrimination. I lose respect for people who say things like: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Omnipresent \* > \*\*Actually, for me, it’s any NY/NJ/New England accent and southern accent. > > Makes my asshole pucker right up! \*\* Hopefully one day saying something like this will be frowned on just as much as, “Man, I can’t stand [insert ethnic group here]!” ---
**Author:** ![Lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@Lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lola)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/88 "2003-11-09T04:37:28Z")
People who purport to hate “political correctness”. I have NEVER heard anyone use terms like “vertically challenged” or “differently abled” in a serious context and I often wonder whether the whole concept of (this type of) P.c. is entirely fictional. I’ve never heard anyone use the term “These plans are concreted” either, but I can imagine it. I think I’d have to kill them. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/89 "2003-11-09T05:11:35Z")
People who claim to be open minded and tolerant and yet bash Christians every chance they get. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/90 "2003-11-09T05:57:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shrew \* > **If those plans weren’t concrete, then why did you bother to call her to say you couldn’t make it?** Because I don’t want her sitting there all night, by the phone, waiting for me to call. > [@](#): > > Do you understand that if your logic worked, you would never get to see your friend because since your plans with her were never solidified, she would accept any other offer over yours since you can’t be depended upon? You’re using her as your “in case of emergency” plans. Just in case you don’t find something better to do, you’ll go out with her. That’s weak.\*\* Maybe it’s my perspective, but if there’s no time or anything committed, just a day, then I am under no obligation, nor is she. She’s certainly willing to explore any other offers. If she were to call me and say “Hey…I can’t make it. I’m going [here] with [person],” I’d be perfectly fine with it. And I’m not using her as my “in case of emergency” plans, and I resent the insinuation. If I say “hey…let’s get together Friday,” that, IN NO WAY, solidifies ANYTHING. It does NOT mean “hey, these plans are concrete, and only the word of God can change them.” For the record, she and I have this same discussion all the time. I respect your perspective. However, I disagree with it. And you won’t change my mind on it. > [@](#): > > \*\*Another example: Thanksgiving before last, an ex called me from California and said he wanted to bring his new fiance home for Christmas, and would I plan a New Year’s Eve party to introduce her to our friends? I said yes. I planned the party. Christmas comes, no phone call. New Year’s Eve party comes, no friend and fiance. I call his parents’ house and ask if he’s there. (In order for this story to make sense you should know his parents think I caused his first divorce, so I don’t call his parents’ house without good reason, nor does he call mine.) He gets on the phone, I calmly ask why he isn’t at the party, and he says, “What? Did you actually plan a party? We never concreted those plans!” > > Weak.\*\* You and I are in agreement on this. The difference, to me anyway, is that there were more concrete plans in your example than in mine. > [@](#): > > \*\*I’m sure I haven’t convinced you, but rest assured if you and I met and you exhibited said behavior, I would indeed lose respect for you because of your lack of respect for others. \*\* For the record, this isn’t “behavior,” it’s a perspective. Let me tell a story: This person in the above-named example used to date. One Friday night, I asked her if she wanted to do something Saturday. She said yes. I told her to call me when she got off work (which was about noon on Saturdays), and she said okay. Saturday rolls around. I’m home ALL day, and she never calls. There’s a 15 minute span where I go buy cat food. No message on the voicemail. I assume she never calls. Logical, right? About 5pm, a friend that I haven’t seen in a while calls. Since I haven’t heard from Rebecca, I go out to dinner with my friend Shannon. We then go to her apartment and watch a movie. I get home, and Rebecca’s called about a dozen times. No lie. I try to explain that, since she never called, it nullified any plans we had. After all, I waited FIVE frickin’ hours. She disagrees. As you can see, this is not a new conversation with us. In my defense (though I don’t think I can change your mind, either…although it DOES bother me that this irritates you so badly), I’m not the sort of person who never calls or just blows someone off. If I don’t feel like doing something, I call and tell her early enough in the day for her to not be waiting at home. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/91 "2003-11-09T06:55:27Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Omnipresent_ > Actually, for me, it’s any NY/NJ/New England accent and southern accent. > > Makes my asshole pucker right up! Downer. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SanguineSpider_ > Valley Girl speak/teen girl angst speak… and the infamous “like”. > … > When a celeb reveals their political views, **like** we care. hehheh > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Shrew_ > Um, if you say, “How about sushi on Friday?” And I say, “Okay,” I’m going to show up at our regular sushi bar at our regular time. I don’t care if you suggested it WAY BACK on Monday, I’m going to pencil you in on my mental calendar, turn down other offers, and show up. If you don’t, it’s rude and will cause a lack of respect. Respect my time, and I will respect yours. I have to agree with Superdude on this one. In the sushi example, it is expected that there will be a confirmation during the day on Friday. What if they have to work late? No confirmation = no plans. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by WinterWren_ > Just as a data point, some of us actually have difficulty pronouncing “sk” and “sks” at the end of sentences. (I get around it as much as possible by saying “Question, if I may…”.) For real? Because the “axe you a question” is one of my pet peeves. Can you pronounce scandal? How would you pronounce askew? My biggest pet peeve is saying nuke-you-ler instead of nuclear. I cannot stand it, and the fact that our president is guilty of this mispronunciation drives me batty. I once called someone on it, and they looked at me like I didn’t know what I was talking about. So I asked him how he pronounced the center of a cell. He responded, without hesitation, nuke-you-lous. I let it drop, nonplussed. That reminds me, misuse of words bugs me. Nonplussed and penultimate are up there in the most misused category. I couldn’t care less if you don’t know what they mean. Just don’t use them. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Shrew_ > “I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just being honest.” You’re still being rude, you twit. “I’m not trying” is an admission they are doing something. If the quote was “I’m not being rude, I’m being honest” then I could get behind you. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/92 "2003-11-09T07:02:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by choosybeggar \* > \*\*but it bugs me plenty. I ask patients all day about their medical history. Have you had skin cancer? Melanoma? Gonorrhea? Heart Attacks? Brain transplantation? > > Inevitably, unless they’ve had said ailment, they respond,“Not that I know of.” > \*\* That’s what I do when asked if I have any allegies, unless it’s something I eat and have never had a negative reaction to. Something like pollen is a lot harder to quantify. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/93 "2003-11-09T07:09:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*“You’re a vegetarian? But you eat fish/chicken/etc., right?” Look, lemme draw you a picture: Plant Kingdom, Animal Kingdom. Never the twain shall meet. > \*\* This probably arises from the fact that there are some people who claim to be vegatarians but also eat fish. And/Or possibly the fact that Catholics used to be forbidden to eat meat on friday, but fish was the exception. I can imagine some people getting the idea that Fish doesn’t count as meat. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/94 "2003-11-09T07:22:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ellis Dee \* > \*\*My biggest pet peeve is saying nuke-you-ler instead of nuclear. I cannot stand it, and the fact that our president is guilty of this mispronunciation drives me batty. I once called someone on it, and they looked at me like I didn’t know what I was talking about. So I asked him how he pronounced the center of a cell. He responded, without hesitation, nuke-you-lous. I let it drop, nonplussed. > \*\* I’m one of those people who don’t get. Many words have several pronuciations, often by region, but as long as I know what they are talking about, I don’t see why it makes much of a different. Hell, Kenndy pronouced “Cuba” as “Cuber” but we still all knew what he was talking about. Kinda like the infamous “Soda=pop=Soda Pop” thing. I know exactly what you are talking about, so why does it matter how to pronouce it? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/95 "2003-11-09T07:50:08Z")
After thinking about your point, I guess the reason it bugs me is that it cannot be construed as a regional dialect. It is blatantly incorrect. In other words, it is ignorance. Half the word is “clear”. And that half is pronounced exactly like the actual word clear. It is akin to pronouncing clear as “culer”. Or if there is an advancement in acne treatment, will those people say there is a “new culerasil” or “new clearasil”? ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/96 "2003-11-09T10:46:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\* > The use of “that’s gay” to mean “that sucks” or “you’re gay” as an insult. My students do this from time to time, and I correct them immediately. Some of them actually argue with me that _I’m_ the one who doesn’t understand what the word “gay” means. Riiiight. > > \*\* And they’re right … the word “gay” _has_ taken on a new meaning, just as it did back in the sixties, and people back then were just as uncomprehending as you are now. This has been discussed before right here in this forum. I still miss being able to use the word in its original meaning of “happy” without being misunderstood. 😉 Julie ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/97 "2003-11-09T16:05:27Z")
originally posted by **Zoe** > [@](#): > > I loved this list until I got to history revisionists. I think I know what you are saying. I am furious when people try to deny well-documented historical fact. But when legend has taken the status of historical fact, that misinformation needs to be corrected in textbooks. Or if the discovery of old documents sheds new light on an historical event, then revisions are in order. Do you agree? I get the impression that **Urban Ranger** was referring specifically to Holocaust deniers. ---
**Author:** ![sundog66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@sundog66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sundog66)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/98 "2003-11-09T16:51:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Usage Note: The pronunciation [noo-kyuh-ler], which is generally considered incorrect, is an example of how a familiar phonological pattern can influence an unfamiliar one. The usual pronunciation of the final two syllables of this word is [kli-er], but this sequence of sounds is rare in English. Much more common is the similar sequence [kyuh-ler], which occurs in words like particular, circular, spectacular, and in many scientific words like molecular, ocular, and vascular. -The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Yup, looks like “it is just ignorance.” Sheesh… Give people a little credit. We’ve been using language for thousands of years. If such widespread pronunciations are ignorant, then we must all be ignorant for no longer speaking Proto-Indo-European. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/99 "2003-11-09T18:27:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Using big words in an attempt to sound smart, but misusing AND mispronouncing them. Worse is when someone makes up a big word. I know someone who has a poor vocabularly and does this sometimes. It’s embarrassing. I hate when people use throw-away phrases to fill space. You tell somone you’re going to the store and they say, “That’s cool” in response. Uh…no it isn’t! Also, when people older than 12 use words like “yo”, “dude”, or “sweet” multiple times during the day. I just got my haircut (and it looks nice) and you wouldn’t believe how many people have come up to me and asked what made me do it. The question perturbs me and I never know what to say. Why does anyone get a haircut? Also, when a person refers to another person as a “dumbass” for making a simple mistake, that person loses respectability points. Compassion and patience are really important virtues IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/100 "2003-11-09T19:52:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by choosybeggar \* > \*\*but it bugs me plenty. I ask patients all day about their medical history. Have you had skin cancer? Melanoma? Gonorrhea? Heart Attacks? Brain transplantation? > > Inevitably, unless they’ve had said ailment, they respond,“Not that I know of.” > > Why not say no? Is everybody so worried about a silent disaster brewing in their bowels? > > Ooh, I know I’m only in my second year of residency, but I’m afraid that by the time I finish, I’ll have busted open an aneurysm or two. \*\* I do this a lot. I don’t _know_ for certain if I’m in the beginning stages of lymph node cancer, so I don’t want to say that absolutely I do not just in case. You’re the doctor guy with the medical knowledge and the knowing about ailments, not me. But I bet the same answer would get annoying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=6)