# What things can a person say to you to make you lose respect instantly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 6, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755 "2003-11-06T19:54:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/121 "2003-11-10T12:49:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Words shift in meaning. Yes, but “gay” still means “gay” all the day long. It seems as if you and people like you are pushing for it to mean something else, but it’s not going to work as long as the vast majority of people understand “gay” to mean “homosexual”. You have the right to use the word anyway you want, but don’t be surprised when someone bites your head off. They have the right to be pissed. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/122 "2003-11-11T00:48:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > In the school where I work, “ghetto” means something of low quality, cheap, or trashy. Is it so hard to believe that coming from a poor neighborhood can be a point of pride? Hell, that’s what a large chunk of country songs are about. > [@](#): > > Yes, words shift meaning, but as a teacher, I cannot accept the use of the word “gay” to mean “sucky” in my classroom. It’s supposed to be a safe place for everyone… and most every gay person I know agrees. That’s enough for me; I’d hate a student of mine to feel bad about himself because someone used that word. Words only carry the weight you give them. In my classroom, my students feel loved because I show them love, not because I use the right politically correct words. As a teacher of the English language, I would have to be both naive and a complete idiot not to realize that the language will change _whether I want it to or not_. I cannot stop this change from coming about. And to be honest, I wouldn’t stop it if I could. I am a believer that all languages, English in this case, are living, breathing, fluid, changing beings. That being the case, I cannot make it stay as it is. No matter how much you disagree with me, neither can you. My students know that I do **not** nor will I **ever** tolerate homophobic, racist, or sexist slurs in the classroom. They also know, however, that I am an open-minded and fair individual who will allow them the benefit of the doubt. You are correct that I do not permit the use of the word “nigger” or “nigga” in my classroom. You are incorrect, however, in assuming you know my reasoning behind this. As a word of its own, I have no problem with the word “nigga.” I find it neither offensive nor problematic. I see it as a word that black youth and musicians have claimed as their own in much the same way I refer to some of my female friends as “bitches.” It takes the power away from the oppressor and puts it in the proper hands. We can talk about hegemony if you like, but I see and hear my students using the word “nigga” in a positive way, not a negative one. The only reason I don’t allow it is because I would be instituting a double standard if I allowed the black students to say it but not the white students. I am probably old-fashioned in that respect. One of my white students used “nigga” the other day, and the black students laughed and didn’t care. If I felt this would be guaranteed in every instance, I might change my mind. > [@](#): > > are you suggesting that I should allow that word to be thrown around in my classroom? Nah, didn’t think so. Answering your own questions? Wow, you and I are obviously two very different types of teachers. You do as you like, but make sure you have valid reasons for doing so. > [@](#): > > It’s still a button word and can easily be misused or misinterpreted. Same goes for “gay”; it’s still too closely tied with its original meaning to have the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for polite or formal settings. I don’t see this as a valid reason. The Good Houskeeping Seal of Approval has never applied in any of the three high schools in which I’ve taught. Besides, I never said it was fine for polite or formal settings. I just said I wished **matt** wouldn’t take it so personally. That desire is based purely out of my affection for him. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monstro \* > Look at the location under my name and ask me that question again, **shrew**. Okay. You haven’t been in the ghetto lately, have you? Living in a 10-mile radius of the ghetto doesn’t mean you’ve been **in** it. Tell me otherwise, and I’ll be happy to concede this point while still maintaining my opposing opinion. My prior and current exeriences tell me that “ghetto” is most assuredly a point of pride. > [@](#): > > No one SERIOUSLY goes around calling themselves “ghetto”. Silly children do not count. This statement shows that you and I will never agree on anything. I’ve dedicated my life to these “silly children,” and for the record I’ve never met a silly child in my life. I have, however, met quite a few silly adults. > [@](#): > > To emphasize this, go up to one of your students’ parents and call them ghetto. If you think the reaction will be positive, you are truly naive. I have a good enough relationship with my students’ parents that I guarantee I could do this, and every single one of them would laugh their asses off, hug me, and then invite me over for dinner. I’m not saying this out of arrogance; I’m saying it because I’ve already had dinner at most of their houses. Teaching at-risk 9th graders who read on a 3rd-5th grade reading level requires a great deal of parental contact. Case in point, I told one mother yesterday that her weave looked a “hot mess” and it was time to visit the hair salon; she almost pissed herself laughing. A sense of humor goes a long damn way in teaching. > [@](#): > > you and people like you Lumping people into categories like this is a slippery slope. I’d be careful of that habit if I were you. Assess individuals as just that, and you’ll make fewer errors in judgment. > [@](#): > > are pushing for it to mean something else, but it’s not going to work as long as the vast majority of people understand “gay” to mean “homosexual”. I’m not pushing for it to mean anything. As I stated earlier, language will change. Full stop. I’m merely an avid lover and scholar of this language, which means I will allow it to change and continue to be in awe of it while trying not to turn into some sort of Language Nazi over it. > [@](#): > > You have the right to use the word anyway you want, but don’t be surprised when someone bites your head off. They have the right to be pissed. Eh, I’ll take my chances. I’ve never been verbally or physically attacked in public yet. I must have a smidgen or two of social decorum left. (I posted this once already, but I don’t see it. If it double-posts, all apologies.) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/123 "2003-11-11T03:08:17Z")
> [@](#): > > You haven’t been in the ghetto lately, have you? Living in a 10-mile radius of the ghetto doesn’t mean you’ve been in it. Grew up in the ghetto and had to face the stigma of it. Work in the ghetto. Live in the ghetto. I’m so sick of the ghetto that I can’t wait til I get out. Believe me, I know _all_ about ghetto. So forgive me if I’m not impressed by your expertise on all things ghetto. I find it really amusing. > [@](#): > > I’ve dedicated my life to these “silly children,” and for the record I’ve never met a silly child in my life. Yes, because we know children are fountains of wisdom and truth, who never call their peers “retard”, “nerd”, “fag”, and “fatty”. Pleeeease! When I hear someone call something stupid “gay”, I immediately think childish, adolescent, and immature. I do not take such a person seriously. And I don’t take anyone seriously if they proudly proclaim themselves as “ghetto” SERIOUSLY. I think “silly child”, whether they are one chronologically or not. If your students are calling themselves ghetto SERIOUSLY, you yourself need to stop being childish and actually teach them to think better of themselves. Humoring them is not doing a damn thing for their self-esteems. > [@](#): > > I have a good enough relationship with my students’ parents that I guarantee I could do this, and every single one of them would laugh their asses off, hug me, and then invite me over for dinner. I doubt this would happen. I doubt if you walked up to one of your student’s parents and said, “Hey you ghetto nigga”, you would get a hug and be invited to dinner. The fact that you think you would get a laugh proves my point, though. No one identifies themselves as ghetto SERIOUSLY. And if you disagree with this basic assertion, then I would have to question your abilities as a teacher. Really. You cannot seriously sit there and tell me that “ghetto” is a SERIOUS (I keep emphasizing this, but you keep ignoring it) way of identifying ones self, as “gay” is. If I hear someone denigrate something as “ghetto”, I can rationalize that they weren’t denigrating _me_. “Ghetto” is an insult based on arbitrary critera. “Gayness” is pretty clear cut for the vast majority of people. I expect you to disagree, though. Don’t know why you will, but you will. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/124 "2003-11-11T07:38:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shrinking Violet \* > \*\*They reveal themselves as an Elvis fan. > > Immediate switch-off … cannot relate to them, cannot take them seriously. No way. Nope. > > Ah well … it takes all sorts, I guess. > > Julie \*\* Define “Elvis Fan”. Do you mean a screaming, makes annual treks to Graceland, knows every factoid of his life fan? Or is a person allowed to merely enjoy his music, along with the other types of music, and musicians they like, without being a “fan” and losing your respect? IMHO, judging a person’s respectability based on their musical taste or their taste in entertainment period for that matter, is kindof a “makes someone else lose respect for you” kindof thing for me. That’s not to say that I won’t give my friends a hard time for their choices “you LIKED ‘Vertical Limit’??? Oh ugh, your taste in movies sucks”!!! But lose respect for them? naah. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/125 "2003-11-11T07:57:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blackeyes \* > \*\*I do this a lot. I don’t _know_ for certain if I’m in the beginning stages of lymph node cancer, so I don’t want to say that absolutely I do not just in case. You’re the doctor guy with the medical knowledge and the knowing about ailments, not me. > > But I bet the same answer would get annoying. \*\* I was thinking along the same lines! Um, because YOU’RE the doctor guy? And I don’t have any clue what’s going on, and wouldn’t want to say something if it’s wrong, and so on and so forth? In other words, I think for a lot of us, it’s because we’re semi-awed, or intimidated by doctors. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/126 "2003-11-11T12:07:34Z")
When a person offers as a reason why they hold the view they hold on some complex, controversial, emotionally-charged subject: - “It’s just common sense!”\* ---
**Author:** ![choosybeggar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@choosybeggar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choosybeggar)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/127 "2003-11-11T15:26:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*I was thinking along the same lines! Um, because YOU’RE the doctor guy? And I don’t have any clue what’s going on, and wouldn’t want to say something if it’s wrong, and so on and so forth? > > In other words, I think for a lot of us, it’s because we’re semi-awed, or intimidated by doctors. \*\* I know, I know, I know. What’s startling is the universality of the “not that I know of,” response. Generally, I’m sensitive to issues arising due to the nature of the patient/physician relationship; I don’t think this case is any different. Note that in my original post, the subject began, “This doesn’t cause me to lose respect instantly but…,” or something like that. It’s not that I don’t understand peoples’ motivations, but that, a priori, I’d never have expected nearly everybody (possibly everybody) to answer noncommitally to a list a questions that seem to demand a concrete response. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/128 "2003-11-11T22:18:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shrinking Violet \* > \*\*Two things which send people _right down_ in my estimation: > > They reveal themselves as a Trekkie. > > They reveal themselves as an Elvis fan. \*\* You should go stay at the Las Vegas Hilton. There you’ll get to see the Elvis-fan Trekkies and the Trekkie Elvises! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/129 "2003-11-11T22:32:44Z")
Any of the various forms of the following “words”: orientate conversate commentate (when not used to refer to sports commentators) Also, as I mentioned before, I hate the phrase “shits and giggles.” Hard to respect someone who uses that phrase. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/130 "2003-11-12T03:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally stated by **Monstro** : Grew up in the ghetto and had to face the stigma of it. Work in the ghetto. Live in the ghetto. I’m so sick of the ghetto that I can’t wait til I get out. Believe me, I know all about ghetto. All apologies then. I concede to this point that you indeed are familiar with the ghetto. I am not from the ghetto. I am from middle-class white suburban southern America. My experiences of the last seven years in the ghetto are what I am basing my statements on. I will be neither presumptuous nor arrogant enough to claim my experiences as any more meaningful than yours and therefore my opinions as any more correct than yours. We have simply had two very different experiences in the ghetto. > [@](#): > > Yes, because we know children are fountains of wisdom and truth, who never call their peers “retard”, “nerd”, “fag”, and “fatty”. Pleeeease! So someone is a “silly” person if they are guilty of namecalling? Well, you called me childish, so I guess that makes you a silly person, and your opinion is therefore worthless. It’s not that easy, **monstro**. > [@](#): > > When I hear someone call something stupid “gay”, I immediately think childish, adolescent, and immature. I do not take such a person seriously. That’s your decision. I don’t get to decide who I will take seriously based on what they say. It’s not a luxury I have in my profession. I am put in a position to care for, educate, and respect the rights of each individual to think what they want; I long ago realized that it is not my job to teach them **what** to think but to teach them **how** to think. I’ve taught gang members in the same class as Klan members and Jews in the same class as Neo-Nazi skinheads. I don’t get to tell them what to think. That’s not my job. I’m not Big Brother. Of course I use my own beliefs as an example for them to see, but that is all I can do. > [@](#): > > If your students are calling themselves ghetto SERIOUSLY, you yourself need to stop being childish and actually teach them to think better of themselves. Humoring them is not doing a damn thing for their self-esteems. And exactly how would I do that? “No, children, don’t be proud of where you’re from! Be ashamed of it like you’re supposed to! Be ashamed! Be very ashamed!” I will not shame children or “enlighten” them as to how they are “supposed” to feel. I don’t get to decide how they are supposed to feel. They do. > [@](#): > > I doubt this would happen… And if you disagree with this basic assertion, then I would have to question your abilities as a teacher. Really. As I said, I won’t be so presumptuous and arrogant as to question your experiences. Obviously, you lack the same ability. But **Monstro** , you’ve resolved to questioning my abilties as a teacher? We’re a bit early in the game for you to be pulling that card. > [@](#): > > You cannot seriously sit there and tell me that “ghetto” is a SERIOUS (I keep emphasizing this, but you keep ignoring it) way of identifying ones self, as “gay” is. You keep saying I cannot, and yet I can. I am not ignoring it. I simply disagree. While “ghetto” is never going to be a category on the census, it is a word many youths would use to identify themselves, in the same way many other children would refer to themselves seriously as “country.” I’m sorry if “ghetto” offends your sense of reality, but maybe it’s a regional difference, you being in a completely different part of the country than I am. Whatever the reason, I don’t think we are going to come to any sort of mutually respectful conclusion that shows intelligent debate. You only seem interested in mud-slinging, which is neither interesting nor on-topic. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/131 "2003-11-12T04:06:27Z")
> [@](#): > > You only seem interested in mud-slinging No. It seems I’m only interested in beating my head against the wall. I’m giving up. If you think you’re somehow more enlightened by using “gay” as a slur, I suppose you have the right to feel that way. But I don’t think you’ve made a very convincing argument, nor do I think you have been especially honest with me or yourself. These two things makes this a very time-wasting discussion. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/132 "2003-11-12T04:27:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by choosybeggar \* > \*\*I know, I know, I know. What’s startling is the universality of the “not that I know of,” response. > > Generally, I’m sensitive to issues arising due to the nature of the patient/physician relationship; I don’t think this case is any different. Note that in my original post, the subject began, “This doesn’t cause me to lose respect instantly but…,” or something like that. It’s not that I don’t understand peoples’ motivations, but that, a priori, I’d never have expected nearly everybody (possibly everybody) to answer noncommitally to a list a questions that seem to demand a concrete response. \*\* Oh, I know, I was answering in the same sense as you were asking the question, that is, it being more of a “why do people do this” rather than that you lost respect for the. I thought, that from a patients POV, I’d try to alleviate your curiosity. I guess the same sort of thing happens with other “authority” figures. I remember being really shocked by being asked out by a cop once. It’s NOT that he wasn’t attractive, or that I was all “grossed out” or anything, maybe it’s just me, but his position in a position of “authority” kind of put him “out of my radar” as a normal man. When he first asked I had a “huh?” reaction first, and THEN the “oh, OH”!! I think that a lot of us view doctors in a similar way. Sorry, you’re not “human” to us 😃 Just kidding. At any rate, even though I normally try to ask semi-intelligent questions of my Doctor, I still give them the “duh, not that I know of” answers. Generally mine are in reference to, as someone else posted, whether or not I was allergic to something. ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/133 "2003-11-12T10:44:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\* > Yes, words shift meaning, but as a teacher, I cannot accept the use of the word “gay” to mean “sucky” in my classroom. > > \ > > Just because a word has changed meaning in the vernacular does NOT mean that we all just have to accept it either. I refuse to go along with this word being used this way just because all the cool kids are saying it. \*\* Substitute the word “homosexual” for “sucky”, and you could be my junior school teacher back in the sixties … 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\* > > Same goes for “gay”; it’s still too closely tied with its original meaning to have the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for polite or formal settings. > > \*\* I don’t see what quarrel Good Housekeeping would have with the _original_ meaning of gay … the one I learnt as a child and had to “unlearn” when the homosexual community appropriated it. Now that same community has to accept that it has further evolved to mean “sucky”. Such is the evolution of language. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes > \* > \*\* > Define “Elvis Fan”. Do you mean a screaming, makes annual treks to Graceland, knows every factoid of his life fan? > > Or is a person allowed to merely enjoy his music, along with the other types of music, and musicians they like, without being a “fan” and losing your respect? > > \*\* Sorry, I should have been more specific. Yes, I did mean the “screaming, makes annual treks to Graceland, knows every factoid of his life fan” … nuthin’ wrong with the music, or the man. 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scuba\_Ben \* > \*\* > > You should go stay at the Las Vegas Hilton. There you’ll get to see the Elvis-fan Trekkies and the Trekkie Elvises! > \*\* :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Julie ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/134 "2003-11-12T21:08:06Z")
"Saaaayy…pretty small \*penis \* there, **seal**. I guess it was funny at first, but it’s tiresome now. ---
**Author:** ![commie\_sho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@commie\_sho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commie_sho)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/135 "2003-11-13T02:45:27Z")
_“So I was racing my Honda Civic…”_ ---
**Author:** ![prisoner6655321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f8ce5/32.png) [@prisoner6655321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prisoner6655321)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/136 "2003-11-13T03:54:41Z")
“A fetus is not a life”. Lose respect instantly. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/137 "2003-11-13T04:23:38Z")
Bad restaurant behavior, especially during [but not limited to] a date: 1) being condescending, brusque, arrogant, or overly demanding towards the waitress or waiter; 2) flirting with the waitress; 3) being a lousy tipper. I must confess, though, that if my date flirts with the waitress and she flirts back, I’m going to be tempted to be a lousy tipper myself that night! ---
**Author:** ![RNWebner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@RNWebner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RNWebner)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/138 "2003-11-13T04:27:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rjung \* > \*\*My list: > > - “I think George W. Bush is a really smart guy.” > \*\* Funny, I was just about to say that I lose respect for people who go out of their way to claim that GWB is stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/139 "2003-11-13T16:59:50Z")
In the context of minor but corrosive dishonesty, like insurance fraud, over-claiming expenses, nicking the wheel-trim off someone’s car to replace yours. you know the sort of thing. It’s gotta be done innt? (Well no actually.) Everybody does it. (No they bloody well don’t you parasite.) ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755/140 "2003-11-13T21:10:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shrew \* > Is it so hard to believe that coming from a poor neighborhood can be a point of pride? Hell, that’s what a large chunk of country songs are about. You are deliberately misinterpreting me here, for reasons known only to yourself. I am only reporting to you what my students mean when they use the word “ghetto.” They mean something of low quality, even kids who come from what passes for a 'hood in this town. > [@](#): > > Words only carry the weight you give them. Another thing that makes me lose respect for someone: them lecturing me at great length when they don’t even know me, in defense of a specious point at that. > [@](#): > > In my classroom, my students feel loved because I show them love, not because I use the right politically correct words. And my students feel loved because they know that I won’t allow them to be victimized by the insensitivity and verbal abuse of their peers. > [@](#): > > As a teacher of the English language, I would have to be both naive and a complete idiot not to realize that the language will change _whether I want it to or not_. I cannot stop this change from coming about. You are correct; however, that is besides the point. The point is that the word “gay” has come to mean “homosexual” and the use of the word “gay” as an insult is homophobic, no matter how the insulter wishes to spin it. It hurts and upsets just about all the gay people I know to hear that word used in that manner; why isn’t that enough for you? > [@](#): > > You are correct that I do not permit the use of the word “nigger” or “nigga” in my classroom. You are incorrect, however, in assuming you know my reasoning behind this. As a word of its own, I have no problem with the word “nigga.” I find it neither offensive nor problematic. But it IS problematic, and to deny that is to be extraordinarily disingenuous. This word has several overlapping meanings and it’s difficult to assess when it’s acceptable to use that word. As a white, middle class person in a position of authority, you yourself have to be triply careful. In fact, I’d go so far as to say you really have no right to use that word, nor do I. > [@](#): > > I see it as a word that black youth and musicians have claimed as their own Yes, it is THEIRS and THEY can use it that way. You can’t. Nothing worse than a white person trying to cop to vernacular language they have no right to claim. > [@](#): > > Answering your own questions? Wow, you and I are obviously two very different types of teachers. You do as you like, but make sure you have valid reasons for doing so. Here’s another things that makes me instantly lose respect for someone: being judged and found wanting, as a person and an educator, from a few posts on a message board. You are jumping to massive conclusions about me based on next to nothing, AND getting personal about it. Is this really necessary? > [@](#): > > I don’t see this as a valid reason. The Good Houskeeping Seal of Approval has never applied in any of the three high schools in which I’ve taught. Mein gott, I was being facetious about the GHSoA. No need to get didactic about it. What I meant was… aw, forget it. You’re just being contrary now and I’m about done with this thread now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-things-can-a-person-say-to-you-to-make-you-lose-respect-instantly/211755.md?page=8)