# What tired, cliched jokes never get old for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634 "2008-12-10T23:35:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mike\_ahndembroak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mike\_ahndembroak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mike_ahndembroak)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/21 "2008-12-11T03:06:09Z")
> [@DLuxN8R-13](#): > > Someone: “What’s up?” > > Me: \*(points solemnly to ceiling) \*That. The answer I always had to that was stiff dicks and airplanes ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/22 "2008-12-11T03:10:09Z")
Whenever I drive past a field that has hay in it, I point out the window and say, “Hey!” The first time he heard me do that, my stepson laughed his head off. Now he thinks I’m just an idiot. Ah, fatherhood. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/23 "2008-12-11T03:11:20Z")
Kidneys, man. Kidneys. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/24 "2008-12-11T03:17:04Z")
The golf gun joke 😃 I have to strap on my lollerskates every. single. time. The girlfriend is not amused. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/25 "2008-12-11T03:18:25Z")
After someone makes a bad-memory related comment: Me: Well, they say that the memory is the second thing to go. Them: What’s the first thing? Me: I forget. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/26 "2008-12-11T03:23:01Z")
They say that 40% of Americans have a problem with basic math. So out of 100 people, uhhh… ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/27 "2008-12-11T03:23:52Z")
“gracias!” “YOU have a grassy ass!” or (mention of any random thing) YOU’RE a (random thing) YOUR MOM’S a (random thing) YOUR DOG’S a… etc. etc. works best when doing things with my best friend and her family because her mom’s often sitting right there. or “oh my God!” “… yes?” ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/28 "2008-12-11T03:30:28Z")
Anytime someone makes a comment about their hearing, or some other hearing related remark… Them: random remark… Me: What? Them: repeats remark… Me: What? Repeat until they catch on and throw something at you. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/29 "2008-12-11T03:31:25Z")
_"Chili today, hot tamale!!!_" ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/30 "2008-12-11T03:37:56Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Whenever I drive past a field that has hay in it, I point out the window and say, “Hey!” The first time he heard me do that, my stepson laughed his head off. Now he thinks I’m just an idiot. > > Ah, fatherhood. My kids still think of me when they see a hayfield. 🙂 I also have been the go-to guy for car problems. Every time that someone mentions that their car is making a funny sound, I ask what it sounds like. If they mimic it, I ask a few questions, then ask them what it sounds like again. I have never been able to get someone to make the sound five times in a row, but I try… ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/31 "2008-12-11T03:45:45Z")
Me: Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left? Victim: Repeat Me: Pete and Repeat were in a boat… ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/32 "2008-12-11T03:47:49Z")
> [@DLuxN8R-13](#): > > Someone: “What’s up?” > > Me: \*(points solemnly to ceiling) \*That. I used to be able to say “the price of gas.” I’m sure that in the fullness of time, I’ll be able to use the line again. For now, I can certainly live with not beng able to. * * * Grown Offspring: “Give me a hand.” Me: claps wildly Just giving their eyes the rolling exercise is worth it. I usually help after, so they put up with it. Sometimes I hear: “What’s your problem, Mom?”, “Your problems are not small ones”, or (my favoite) “You’re an odd little duck.” ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/33 "2008-12-11T03:52:07Z")
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/34 "2008-12-11T03:55:17Z")
Someone wants me to help them with something so they say “can you give me a hand?” I say sure… and applaud. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/35 "2008-12-11T03:56:10Z")
Zer vere zwei peanuts valking down ze strasse. One was a salted… …peanut. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/36 "2008-12-11T04:03:43Z")
Just thought of another old standby: When someone asks me “What’s new?”, I’ll reply, “The past tense of snow.” ---
**Author:** ![MizTina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MizTina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizTina)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/37 "2008-12-11T04:17:23Z")
Them: Whatcha up to? Me: 5’3" On the return of a friend: Me: Oh, you’re back. Them: Yeah. Me: Oh nevermind, that’s your front. And any, I repeat, any fart jokes. Must be some kind of kink in my chain, but fart jokes set me off. And God forbid you should fart anywhere near me, I’ll be strangling with laughter. And it lasts a very, very long time. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/38 "2008-12-11T04:22:58Z")
Well, maybe you’d be happier driving the WHAAAAmbulance… ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/39 "2008-12-11T04:25:47Z")
Anybody: can I ask you a question? Me: You just did. whenever anybody, anywhere, apropo of anything asks if there are any questions, I think, and often say: what’s the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Immediately after one of mine _or anyone elses_ lame jokes, I’ll say, ‘no matter how many times he/she/it hears that joke it’s still funny as hell.’ ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/40 "2008-12-11T04:27:45Z")
Oh, and in my profession there are many opportunities to say ‘I thought it was mucus, but it’snot.’ …and, ‘pt has a broken humerus’ Me: ‘that’s not funny.’ Man, I’m rolling just contemplating my evil [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634.md?page=3)