# What tired, cliched jokes never get old for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634 "2008-12-10T23:35:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/61 "2008-12-11T15:53:20Z")
> [@Arglefraster](#): > > Him: Rargh! Me: It’s drivin’ me nuts! ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/62 "2008-12-11T17:20:14Z")
I like mixing up those old cliches: \*I’m going to put an egg in my shoe and leave I’m gonna make like a tree and get the flock out of here Does the Pope shit in the woods? Is the Bear Catholic?\* A friend of mine likes to randomly start conversations with “So the second time I had crabs…” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/63 "2008-12-11T17:29:43Z")
> [@airman doors](#): > > how do you keep a blonde in suspense? how?!?!?!?!?! I must know!!! Don’t hold me in suspense any longer!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/64 "2008-12-11T17:34:48Z")
My all-time fave joke: Two hydrogen molecules walk into a bar. One says to the other, “Hey, I’ve lost my electron!” The second one says, “Are you sure?” The first one replies, “Yes, I’m positive.” My grandmother used to turn just about anything into a pseudonym for “kick” if she was tired of listening to us grandkids complain. As in: Me: Grandma, I’m bored. Grandma: I’ll board you one, right in the arse! Me: Can I have a cookie? Grandma: I’ll cookie you one, right in the arse! And so on. I use this gag constantly. The more incongruous the substituted word, the better. And without question all farts, or fart-related humor, are universally funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sublata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7cd45c/32.png) [@Sublata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublata)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/65 "2008-12-11T17:46:02Z")
Other person: Let’s do such-and-such. Me: Let’s don’t, and say we did! Ha ha ha ha! And now I’m going to make like a tree and leave. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/66 "2008-12-11T17:53:27Z")
I have just two words for you. Shut. The fuck. Up. ---
**Author:** ![friggae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/45deac/32.png) [@friggae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friggae)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/67 "2008-12-11T17:53:31Z")
Did you know that the word “gullible” does not appear in the dictionary? ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/68 "2008-12-11T17:54:25Z")
Boulder? I hardly even know her! ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/69 "2008-12-11T17:58:18Z")
I say, “Your Momma” to my kids if they say something smarty. It’s hilarious to me! ---
**Author:** ![ThePylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@ThePylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThePylon)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/70 "2008-12-11T18:26:34Z")
If someone starts of with a “Soooo…” I follow quickly, matter-of-factly (even "Dragnet-like) “… a needle pulling thread.” Daughter: “Daddy, I’m hungry” Me: “Hi, hungry, I’m Daddy” … now just ticks them (3 and 5) off. I still giggle. Doesn’t help. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/71 "2008-12-11T18:30:15Z")
**Me** : That’s life. **Co-conspirator** : What’s life? **M** : A magazine. **C** : How much does it cost? **M** : 25¢ **C** : Rats. I only have a dime. **M** : That’s life. **C** : What’s life? **M** : A magazine. **C** : How much does it cost? **M** : 50¢ **C** : Rats. I only have a quarter. **M** : That’s life. **C** : What’s life? **M** : A magazine. **C** : How much does it cost? **M** : $1.00 **C** : Rats. I only have 50¢. **M** : That’s life. etc. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/72 "2008-12-11T18:42:40Z")
Guy walks into a bar and DAMN that hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/73 "2008-12-11T18:42:49Z")
Quasimodo, the hunchback bell-ringer of Notre Dame, was ready to retire. He put an ad in the newspaper for his replacement. Only one person responded, but he had no arms. Quasi said, “How are you going to ring the bell without arms?” The man said, “Give me a chance. I can do this.” He walked back ten feet and ran toward the bell face-first. To Quasi’s surprise, it rang. “I’m impressed,” he said, “but it’s not quite loud enough.” The man said, “Let me try again.” He stepped back twenty feet and again ran face-first into the bell, but this time he missed the bell and ran off the edge of the Notre Dame tower, falling to his death on the ground below. Just as that happened, a police officer was passing by. He looked up at Quasi and said, “Quasi, do you know who this guy is?” Quasi replied, “I didn’t catch his name, but his face sure does ring a bell!” The next day, the dead guy’s brother shows up. He has arms, but he’s not very smart. After about 3 minutes of messing with the bells, he manages to fall off the tower as well. Two nuns walking past stop and look at the body. One says, “Sister, have you ever seen this man before?” And the other says, “No, but he’s a dead ringer for Quasimodo!”. Double-barreled pun. I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/74 "2008-12-11T18:43:09Z")
DiMaggio? ---
**Author:** ![Taenia\_spp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Taenia\_spp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taenia_spp)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/75 "2008-12-11T18:57:22Z")
> [@Simmerdown](#): > > Zer vere zwei peanuts valking down ze strasse. One was a salted… > > …peanut. Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/76 "2008-12-11T19:05:45Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Standing beside someone on their left side… > …and tapping their right shoulder > I never get tired of that…people think you’re too old to do that, so it works every time! The proper response is “The sky, the ceiling and how you feeling?” Cliche joke that never gets old would have to be “orange you glad to see me” (I have an orange shirt that I’ll wear occasionally). Any pun, for that matter, is great. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/77 "2008-12-11T19:21:11Z")
Any time someone stumbles… “Have a nice trip, see you next fall!” And one borrowed from South Park that I’ve successfully used several times… “When you’re at the store, can you pick me up a buttfer?” “What’s a buttfer?” “For pooping, silly!” _laughter ensues_ ---
**Author:** ![schnuckiputzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/78 "2008-12-11T19:26:00Z")
Here in the rural byways, my family uses this running joke… “Why did the chicken cross the road?” “To prove to the possum it could be done!” …usually after seeing the inevitable squished rat-thing in the road. Interrupting Cow is a classic. I love that one.😃 ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/79 "2008-12-11T21:14:52Z")
I go to college. Some students spend semesters in other countries. If they are female and tell me that they’re going to spend a semester abroad, I say “Aren’t you doing that now?” ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2008, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634/80 "2008-12-11T21:17:14Z")
“If I could walk THAT way I wouldn’t NEED the aftershave” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-tired-cliched-jokes-never-get-old-for-you/476634.md?page=5)