This is actually very insightful. I think this is more or less true for a lot of people (myself included). Touch, no matter who it’s from or under whatever circumstances, can cause sexual arousal and not necessarily mean anything about your psychology.
There are three issues here, as I see it. It’s unclear which one(s) the OP is most concerned about.
Issue One: The “I feel like a pedophile” comment. If this means that you become aroused when she touches you, then yes, it might be worth finding someone you can talk to about that, or you might just want to consider that we’re big hairy apes, and when certain bits of skin are touched, it feels good. Only you, at this point, know exactly what you mean by “feel like a pedophile”. If it means you’re tempted, even a little bit, to return her touch in a sexual way, then that’s a big problem, and you need to take steps to secure her safety and yours, even if that means no more visits.
Issue Two: Or you could mean, “I feel like someone will misinterpret what’s going on and think I’m a pedophile” or “I don’t want to be accused of molesting the girl!”, which are, sadly, realistic fears in this day and age. It sucks. It’s a horrible time in history to be a man who enjoys the company of children. I’m sorry. You just drew the fucking awful short straw this lifetime. There’s not a whole lot you can do about that other than make sure doors are always open, observers are always around, and hope like hell she doesn’t ever say something perfectly innocent to the wrong paranoid person.
Issue Three: Helping to teach a child appropriate social boundaries. For this, I really like InternetLegend’s post. It’s not a bad thing to teach. Think about it…someone is probably already telling her that no one but the doctor has a right to touch her if/where she doesn’t want to be touched. She’s probably not quite certain what that’s all about, or how she’d tell someone that if it did come up. So here’s your chance to model that for her.
Would you be comfortable offering her your forearm to explore, instead? I agree that this is probably a textural curiosity thing. Little girls don’t have hairy legs, and moms don’t have hairy legs, but men have hairy legs. How cool it that?! It’s pretty interesting, and she’d like to explore that. If you’re more comfortable with your arm hair being petted and tugged at, that might be an option. I remember being fascinated with men’s body hair at about that age. Still kind of am, and it’s still in a nonsexual way.
On the subject of kids and nudity: I have an almost 12 year old and a 9 year old. I STILL have to nag them about being topless. “The curtains are open, go put on a shirt.” “Go put on a shirt before you come to the dinner table.”. “Your grandfather is coming over, go put on a shirt.” I keep waiting and waiting for the modesty gene to click on, but I’m beginning to suspect that my laissez-faire attitude towards nudity is biting me in the butt. Oh well, I guess it is good that they are comfortable in their own skin, right?
To the OP - kids are weird and need to be taught your personal boundaries. I work in a middle school and the kids are always wanting to hug me. I like kids and I like interacting with them, but I am not a huggy person. I just tell them (with a smile) that “Ooooh, Mrs. Starched has lice and cooties. You don’t want to hug me.” They laugh, I laugh, and they get the message. Just gently tell your niece that you don’t really like to be petted, but the dog does, so please don’t pet my legs, go pet the dog.
I’m surprised at the talk about pedophilia. I’m sure what the OP meant is that he’s uncomfortable with the touching and nudity because in today’s world we’re much more sensitive to people being accused of pedophilia, and extremely nervous about being around/touching young kids without a parent present. Our neighbor’s five-year old has adopted us and comes over quite often (with mom’s permission). Her father is absent, and her grandparents just got divorced, so there is no male presence in the home, and there are other issues over there that likely result in her not getting the attention she wants.
She is constantly trying to sit in my lap and be close to me, which I allow to some extent, but it does make me uncomfortable at times. That doesn’t make me a pedophile, just a cautious person. People have been accused of inappropriate touching after a child relates a story about something that may be perfectly innocent (that something ‘hard in his pants’ could be a pocket knife, for example). If the OP is uncomfortable with the touching, just tell her to stop. I tell our neighbor girl that my back hurts, so she can sit next to me, but not ON me.
On review, I see Whynot’s second para addressed this and did it better than I did. 
Quoted just because it was handy, but could you guys please stop using “western” when you mean “American”?
Good point. Touch has become so much more private these days. Victorian literature is chock-full of people holding hands and cuddling in ways that are fairly shocking. In real life, Abraham Lincoln was known for sharing a bed with his bosom friend, something that hardly any straight man would do today. Heck, do men even have bosom friends/BFF’s nowadays? I’ve never known any that do.
I’ve refrained from touching children not because I feel the touch would be wrong or sexual, but because I don’t want to play with fire and potentially have to deal with upset parents or prosecutors. The criminal and civil penalties for child molestation are so unbelievably severe that it puts a man on the defensive and makes him seek out active ways to avoid becoming an innocent subject of an accusation, more so than DUI, theft, or aggravated mopery with intent to creep. A convicted thief or drunk driver can pick up his life and more or less get it back to 90% of normal within the year with only some lingering effects. A convicted child molester is marked for life as the scum of the earth with no chance for redemption - pedophiles can’t be cured, y’know?
kid might have a healthy body image.
kids are curious about differences; facial hair in men shaved or not), thick or pigmented arm and leg hair, armpit hair, baldness.
Depends on the culture I guess how much nudity is considered normal in the household. Europeans seem to tolerate it better than uptight Puritan Americans. At least Italian homes do. Adults/kids (not visitors presumably) … all nekkid all day.
This. The OP had better not visit Southeast Asia, which is full of kids who have, er… apparently never seen a hairy-chested man and delight at touching at every opportunity.
OK, I’m curious what “western” countries have social mores that are completely OK with 5 and 8 year old girls running fully naked around the house when uncles are visiting.
Breastfeeding does this to me. Doesn’t make me a pedophile.
I actually had the same problem and it bothered me so much that, combined with other problems I was having, I ended up stopping and switched to formula. In hindsight, I probably should have just dealt with it but it really made me feel VERY uncomfortable and I couldn’t just relax and enjoy the bonding session.
Why not just buy her some pajamas or a nightgown or something? It wouldn’t be that expensive and it would make you feel better when you are over visiting her.
When Lil’ Miss Sous-Chef was younger and we did things like go to the park or hang out in the play area of a fast-food restaurant more often than we do now, I frequently had little kids want to climb in my lap and stuff. I’m a big hairy bear of a guy, you’d think they’d be scared of me, but for some reason kids around the 6-year-old range just look at me and see playground equipment. It always made me really nervous because I didn’t want some parent flipping out when they finally looked up from their cell phone or newspaper and saw little Susie climbing on some strange man, so I discouraged it and eventually had to distance myself from the play area even though my daughter wanted me there. Now that she’s older and we don’t do the play area anymore, the situation no longer seems to present itself (although there are a couple of girls at her school who insist on coming up and hugging me when I join Lil’ Miss Sous-Chef for lunch. No male attention in their lives, I guess. I permit it but hurry them along, which I privately think is sad but absolutely necessary for my own self-protection.)
Lemme ask you guys: as a Mom of a 7 year old girl, is there ANYTHING I can do or say to put you at ease? I suspect not, but since y’all are here, I thought I’d ask…
Pack some pepper spray. No-one should have to tolerate inappropriate touching.
You have as much right to tell a child that you don’t want to be touched as they have to say that to you or anyone else.
And you are right to feel you need to worry about people’s perception of the situation. Look how many people have jumped into this thread to suggest that you may have sexual feelings toward the child.
Well for starters you could write the creators of How to catch a predator and ask them to catch a few non-white male predators once and awhile.
They have had quite a few Middle Eastern guys on there
yes, give out the secret code words “purple monkey dishwasher” in case of nudy-butt emergencies. So when you hear a grown man repeatedly yelling"purple monkey dishwasher", “purple monkey dishwasher” come running with extra clothes.